Hi Elsa,
I am SO confused about a recent break-up. I’ve never been so WOWED by a guy right from the start. Not necessarily by his looks – although I started thinking he was really good looking after a date or two. But from our very first emails and dates, I just had such a complete sense of comfort and ease around him.
After we were dating for just a few weeks, he told his sister that he thought he’d met the girl he would marry. I was starting to feel the same way, that I had really met a soulmate. But then the relationship got physical early, and unfortunately that didn’t click so smoothly right off the bat. Not soon after that, he decided he was getting “cold feet”.
The break-up was civil – but I haven’t contacted him since then nor vice-versa. Yet I still think about him ALL the time. I just want to live my life without regrets. Should I try to contact him or work things out?
Sign me,
Left Wondering
Dear Wondering,
I was curious why your guy may have bolted, so I studied his chart. I don’t deny some affinity between his chart and yours, but basically this is a guy with some fairly serious issues.
You on the other hand, have the wind in your hair. You’re buoyant, communicative, sexy, smart and independent. So why are you stuck on this guy?
Well, I don’t think you are, actually. You’re just confused. He seemed ideal initially but in fact, you didn’t really like his look. What you did, with your seventh house Neptune, is transcend his appearance. You erased this deficit and created a new reality.
Next, the sex sucked and guess what? You did it again! Can you see how you were compensating for this guy’s shortcomings?
And why not? You have a relatively unlimited capacity to love and to give. And when you have a muscle like that, it likes to be used. So I think that’s what happened. You started with an illusion and every time a tear in the fabric appeared, you repaired it.
I say let the guy go. I think he left for reasons that have nothing to do with you and not only that, I think it was your lucky day.
Carry on.
pictured – Portrait of Andrea Doria as Neptune, 1550-55, Agnolo Bronzino (b. 1503, Firenze, d. 1572, Firenze) Oil on canvas, Pinacoteca di Brera, Milan
Ugh. Neptune 7th. Curse. Dislike Icon…
Spot on, Elsa, from another 7H Neptune. Everyone with this has to realize that what you may be projecting onto another person just isn’t there. Wish I learned this earlier in life…I’m married, but I faced a lot of self-inflicted disappointment when I was younger, ALL preventable.
Sounds like the story of a Pisces – creating their own reality and over looking things.
Wise words, the only times I’ve done this – persuading myself something was OK because I was SO ready for a relationship – any relationship! – which would work, when deep down I knew because I wasn’t attracted at all at the start, that it wasn’t going to be right for me.
“Settling” for what is on offer is rarely going to work in the long run, no matter what age we are! – and when the sex doesn’t work, that should be telling us something (and boy did I learn that the hard way, no pun intended)
Yep I understand that feeling… I have many Pisces activity (including Neptune opposition Ascendant) and I received that advice also! I needed to find an expression for that muscle also and I don’t always compensate for other’s shortcomings!
I had a friend that did this over and over and over. You don’t know how many times I sat listening to her try to convince herself that the current man was wonderful, she “should” feel more, even though he was starting to drive her crazy, and then, after months and months of trying to make herself feel more, she finally decides to end it, only to talk herself into going back later. I held her hand through one of these breakups through 3 back and forths, until I finally said “enough”.
I too have been guilty, although I don’t know what house my neptune is in. I tend to see, sometimes, a persons potential, rather than the actual.
I agree BP, settling should be the first sign that its simply not going to work out, and that at that point, you should be worried about working on your relationship with yourself, not with another. And yes, when the sex doesn’t work, run!
Hi Elsa,
I can’t believe the timing of this post! Really.
I had a relationship with a guy years ago who, after a failed marriage and another disastrous relationship, was “safe”. I didn’t like his look, his sarcasm, his absolute meanness with money, the fact that he was using me to be out and be seen (I had a vivd social life back then) or the fact that sex left me cold.
I actually heard from him this week and we planned to meet for breakfat tomorrow. I am lonely right now and I suppose wanted a bit of male attention. I read this post and just texted him to say something has come up so I am not going to meet you, and all the best.
It had been niggling me all day – not wanting to meet him and it raised all the anger again that I had at him, or rather I had at myself for putting up with him. Now, I feel clear and honest with me once more.
Thank you,
DeeC
GUILTY AS CHARGED, I too have difficulty discerning what is real and what is an illusion.
Elsa, you blow me away with your insight.. you’ve really just got it.
Leftwondering,
girlfriend- watch sex&city episode “shortcomings”
Mojo – thanks. 🙂
I agree with you Elsa I think the man’s exit was a blessing for her in disguise.
I have the ruler of my 7th (moon in Pisces) SQUARE neptune—if that isn’t a double whammy… most of my relationships dissolve before they can even start. 🙁
Soulmates are Pluto’s realm.
I’ve done that too…other people make me feel like I’m shallow if I say I just wasn’t attracted. The next thing you know I’m in a charity relationship which really is a bit condescending on my part.
People deserve whole heartedness, and tying them up in a lame romance keeps them from finding someone else who will love them completely without reservation.