The other day, Scott told me I was attracted to “iconoclastic men”.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “What do you mean, iconoclastic?” I knew the word and had some idea what it meant, but I wanted to hear him tell me.
“You always pick these men… they’re singular and they’re always isolated somehow.”
“Oh yeah. Yeah, I know that. That’s what I like.”
I got off the phone and mentioned this conversation to another pal. And my pal wasn’t sure what the word meant. Either was I or at least I wasn’t confident enough I understood it’s meaning well enough to tell her something definitive, so we both looked it up. And if you do the same, this is what you’ll find, more or less:
1 : a person who destroys religious images or opposes their veneration
2 : a person who attacks settled beliefs or institutions
Which is kind of, sort of what he means. But not exactly. Scott has a modern definition he can rattle off, but as I’ve said before, Scott’s vocabulary is freakish and I can’t always write his dialogue by memory.
But anyway, we talked about this a second time. And I was trying to wrestle an exact definition out of him and at one point , he said I might substitute the word. “Non-conformist”.
But I thought that had a completely different connotation. “That sounds like someone who would join a group or be part of some resistance. The men I like stand alone. They are completely singular. In one way or the other, they are too far out. They just don’t fit anywhere…”
“That’s right. That’s right, Elsie. Those are the only men you’re interested in,” he said. “Anyone else can’t hold your attention at all.” He laughed.
“Well I’ll tell you where that comes from,” I said. “It comes from Howard Roark. In Ann Rand’s book, “The Fountainhead”. I was crazy for that guy,” I said. “I was insane.”
He laughed.
“Seriously. Give a horn dog like me, a book like that? Good God. Some librarian gave me that book when I was 11 or maybe 12 and that was it. I started masturbating like crazy over that guy. Howard Roark! Seriously, I was out of my mind over him. It’s not possible for someone to be more attractive than Howard Roark. I was pretty much insane having fantasies about him, night and day.
He roared and I stopped to think. Mars on Mercury. Hotted up by a book? Why not?
“I’m not sure that librarian should have even put that book in my hands it had such an impact. Because I was in a true fever. I was crazed and puberty and all. But anyway, this is it. Now you know what I am up to when I pick the men I do. I am looking for Howard Roark! And anything less is not interesting to me… you’re right. For what? I don’t like to waste my time. I want a total individual. Someone completely actualized and hell bent to do what they’re going to do!”
“You like ’em a little bit detached,” he said.
“Well yeah! I don’t need anyone breathing down my neck! I like men who are completely themselves…. oddballs, and super, very, very sexual. And there is nothing I can do but admit it, Scott. So I admit it.”
He made a smug noise. Scott is always a little surprised when I agree with him. Twenty years ago I was so much more defended. I’d fight him over anything and everything. But anyway, does anyone have a similar story? Alternately, how’s the sky full of Scorpio treatin’ you?
Catch up on this thread by clicking tag “attraction” below.
Hey Elsa !
I like oddballs too !!! no straight and simple guy wud do ! i mean, i dont consciously go for them. but then he has to be a man, dammit ! and a man isnt a man if he can’t be his own self…totally actualized, as u put it.
This stellium is rockin’! Scorpio rules my MC, as does Uranus.
Today I begin volunteering my therapeutic skills to a womens’ wellness centre. Many of these women are involved in prostitution so I am hoping to provide a positive, healing experience…how Scorpio is all that?!
And Mars is sitting on top of my 10th house, too, so I am feeling like I will really be of some benefit to humanity today.
I hope others are benefitting from this Stellium. I feel like it is gift from the universe and I feel blessed to be able to use it.
The scorp stellium is entirely in my 7H and I am exasperated! I want my present relationship to be absolutely ‘pure in love’ and ‘fiery’, but am taking it pretty slow–the antithesis of what I want! It’s hard. But I think that is part the whole saturn sitting on my mars arse (which is my asc ruler…gosh)! Anywho, I’m frustrated all around.
I also find my feelings vacillating hourly for my current & wonderful beau…might be due to ‘the new-slowdown-relationship’ approach being forced on me now…dunno.
Pluto just hitting my 9H and am preoccupado with what I need to do about getting into grad school…I’m floundering…just having a hard time applying the saturn energy even though I am getting used the added weight on my shoulders….
It’s all in my twelfth house along with my natal moon and Neptune. I couldn’t find may way right now to save my life. Feeling hopeless.
Oh, Lupa…I totally feel for you! I too have a natal 12th house Neptune, but my moon is in my 1st. It’s a doozy of a combo you’ve got going on there. I think one of the most valuable lessons Scorpio teaches us is that what is underneath often mirrors the surface.
For example: Imagine an island, in the middle of the ocean. Imagine in the middle of the island is a huge mountain. Then imagine that you discover deep, really deep dark caves on that mountain, and they are so deep they are physically below the surface of the ocean.
Then imagine this: those caves actually mirror the peaks of the mountains. What happens above also happens below, and vice versa. Same, but different.
It’s a different ballgame going below the surface…but can be equally rewarding gettin’ down there. Just make sure you pack you’re safety gear (heart? check; sound vision? check; radio to call for help? check).
It’s so hard to find a copy, but I highly recommend Tracy Marks’ book Your Secret Self, all about the 12th house. Amazing. I really feel that a packed 12th house can be a real blessing…lessons may be learned quick (if the lesson is revealed).
Good luck to you, and you too gem! I feel a bit spoiled by this stellium, and feel a bit guilty for it, especially as alot of the Scorps I know aren’t in the same position. I wish you all the best.
craaaaaap! it all makes sense now: at 11 I read my mother’s copy of The World According to Garp by John Irving. this explains EVERYTHING.
mothers, don’t let your babies read John Irving.
Thank you Christine. I don’t think I’ve ever learned so much about myself at once before and that’s saying alot because I am not one to avoid delving around beneath the surface. Just been down here a while this time and feeling worn out. Thank you for the book recommendation. I will see if I can find it.
I love the island/mountain/cave image.
I’m pretty sure there is a word in Chinese for this. dafang. a different way of describing the same thing- because it’s not a direct translation, but the feeling you get is the same. I think.
When I was younger, that is, 3-5 years ago, I adored fountainhead/pillars of the earth/mr. rochester types. Very Iconoclastic. Guys every girl had a crush on at some point.
Now? I’m starting to gravitate towards… real life adults. Does that make sense? Guys like my father, I guess. Serious, sociable, demonstrated ability to cop to mistakes, family attachment, ect. but still.. respectable, admirable.. dafang…
If books play a role, I don’t know which ones.
To answer your title: YES I DO. In a word, “modelacious”: Tall (preferably taller than me, slim/athletic, and sylphlike. A Taltos).
But ALSO: You’re an astrologer who loves Ayn Rand, like me. We MUST be Twin Flames!!!
I just described Dagny Taggart, didn’t I?