“He Bought Me A Hat”

“He bought me a hat,” I told my sister, in regards to this man I was dating. We called him, Dracula. (see Dating Dracula)

“The Scorp?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I’ll be damned.”

She stopped and yelled to her husband (also a Scorpio): “The major bug bought Elsa a hat! A hat, can you believe it? Not everyone looks good in hats but she does. How did he know that?” she yelled. “I’m starting to like this son of a bitch after all!”

I laughed on my end of the phone.

“So he just gave you hat?” she asked.

“No, we were in the mall and he saw it. I put it on, he said it looked good so he bought it.”

“My kind of man! Elsa! You’ve got a man who knows fashion and God knows you need help when it comes to getting dressed. That’s what I do for you,” she said. “I dress you and he’s taking my job!”

“Yeah, it’s similar. He found this hat the way you find me clothes…”

“He sensed it,” she said interrupting me. The whole family has Mars mashed with Mercury.

“Yes. It’s gold by the way. The hat is gold.”

“He bought you a GOLD hat?’

“Yes!”

“Oh my God, now that’s taste. Who in the fuck can wear a gold hat?”

“I don’t know. Who?”

“You and Jackie O are the only people I can think of. I can’t wear a fuckin’ gold hat. Jesus, Elsa. If this guy knows you need a gold hat, I am going to have to start taking this relationship serious.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you could marry this guy and if you do I don’t think I’ll mind.”

“No?”

“No. I get tired of being the only one in the family with taste.”

I chortled as she yelled to her husband. “Gold! The hat is gold! I think Elsa is dating my motherfucking peer! How about that? I think she met someone who has taste as good as mine. Damn it, she doesn’t deserve it does she?”

Here’s what happened to the gold hat…