To a client:
“I don’t think you are this guy’s imprint. You’re functioning as his therapist. You’re drawn to his intensity and I understand that but I think when/if he ever wants to actually partner with someone, he is going to go for someone else.
You want a partnership. You’re a Libra! You see that you’re both ambitious, successful and attractive and think, great! We’re peers. But I don’t know that he wants a peer. I think he wants an imbalance of power. I think that is what he likes so when he is ready to partner, he’s going to go for that.
I would be happy to be wrong about this but check it out okay? I don’t want you to listen to this guy’s angst for all these months and then someone shows up on the periphery who is his imprint and POOF!”
Sound familiar, anyone?
Yes.
It’s like you help a person get back up on their feet… help them find themselves & heal, all the time thinking they’ll be ready for a relationship one day soon… & then they ARE!
Just not with you =( & off they go, skipping over the horizon, with someone else.
OUCH!!!!
I got burned once like this, so I always have what you have said in the back of my mind. That’s great advice @Elsa. Certainly can’t hurt to think about that for a while…
Yes, i was madly in love with him, and we broke it off before anyone else got in the picture, but all the time we were together i knew it, i knew what type of woman he would end up with, and he did. They’re still together.
yes…it’s called PAY ATTENTION! Open your eyes and see what the guy is really like, not how you think he is or how you wish he were….man, it is so easy to get caught up in yourself…and not see past your nose. I’ve done that before!
YES
I wish someone had told me that when I was younger! Used to go around thinking everyone wanted a partnership and as much equality and growth as possible. It was an unspoken dynamic in my social sphere and just part of the times growing up to respect and love someone who matched. Boy was I in for a surprise when I first ventured out on my own into the world.
Discovered that some people genuinely like imbalances in their relationship to feed their need to be powerful. Ew.
What kind of things (astrologically or otherwise) would indicate that a potential partner is seeking this kind of power imbalance?
– Asked by “Venus square Neptune” (a.k.a. El Deluded One)
Yes, happened quite a few times. Then these are the same people who get mad when you cut them off, move on and find someone who at least wants what you want and to have some balance. The most unforgettable was a Cap sun with a Leo moon. Cut her off and met her on a train a couple months later, first thing out of her trap is ‘you just disappeared… I should slap you’. *Cold Scorps stare*, ‘that’s just what I do!!’. Why keep her or anyone else here if they’re pissing my time and feelings up the wall?!
I swear Elsa you must be reading my mind, cause I was talking to a friend about the same thing last night.
Yes, my ex’s sister told him that broken women have a scent he can’t resist. He even told me he wasn’t used to a woman who doesn’t “need” his financial support. I was so wrong to think he would prefer an equal partner who loved him because she wanted to, not because he’d bought her. Within two weeks after we broke up he was back with one of his ex’s who hasn’t worked in (at least) three years and can’t hold a job when she gets one. She can’t get a drivers license because it was suspended for driving while expired – for five years!! She has bad credit due to non-payment of her bills. She has supported herself for the past six years (that I know of) by moving in with men as a “roommate” then losing her job. She complained about the last two guys she lived with unmercifully – while they were supporting her – and while she wasn’t even the girlfriend!! The last one moved out of HIS apartment to get away from her. The most recent I think – has tossed her out because she’s dating my ex – who is capable of supporting her and once “almost” let her move in with him. I don’t know for sure, but I believe she’s living with my ex now. So his sister was right and I should have listened. He needed the imbalance. I see it now.
I defnitely can relate to the story behind, Elsa. Sounds like me. maybe a few steps further: accept the imbalance; make it swing to your side. A Libra still won’t like it, it’s still imbalance. But it restores your self-esteem and gives you the strength for letting go. Or to leave.
For me, it was crucial to skip the idea that I NEEEED him. Asked myself whether I really WANT him. Under the current conditions, of course. Not in the shape I expect him to be after laying my healing hands on him. (Discover what a hubris this is?) And hey, you may then feel there is more than one little doubt in you. We Libra people won’t like it, but relationships die and people stay alive.
By the time they are ready to go, I am usually ready too. I think I’ve put in my time in that role, and now avoid stepping into it.
I had one long termer, many years where I played the role, but after some years I needed a bit of support too, and of course he was not there. He got it, and he waited to split the sheets until I was ready, and the timing was right. Best break up ever!
Talked to him a couple of years ago. Just went through a divorce. She left. It had been his turn to play the support role. He didn’t get that one. He was all boo hoo at the loss.
Yup this a real preference. Lots of men like it, so do lots of omen. I know women who put down women who agree to having less power, think badly of the man for wanting it and criticize harshly.
We’re all wired differently. Why is this so hard to accept?
Yep. I have gone on and on about it….with the solar eclipse
it’s time to let go..
@PixieDust – just to give you an idea, for me, the question is why? Where is it from? Is it personal or is it social conditioning and expectation? Sure, you can say what does it matter in the end, but I think it matters greatly where the source of the need and desire lies because some people do this without knowing and are miserable, while others know and like or need this dynamic.
I don’t think badly of the men who want it – I think badly of the men and women who pretend they respect me as an equal but then demand that I give up power and self esteem the longer we spend time together. THAT I cannot live with. But that’s just me. I do not enjoy men I date that expect me to give up power the longer we are involved because he’s superimposing what he wants or has seen around him on me while claiming to love me…instead of understanding who I am, what I need, and loving me for that.
I don’t know about other people’s feelings, but these are mine.
The psychologist Barton Goldsmith says men and women fall in love with familiar patterns that were established in childhood and not to take failure personally.
I should have been paying attention to my Scorpio when he told me about the pain his bipolar ex-girlfriend put him through. Yet, he stayed with her for two years!!! Needless to say, I wasn’t broken enough for him to fix, but I definitely was when he left….I guess having Jupiter in Libra/7th gave me an unrealistic expectation of balanced relationships.
@starkttn: I think it’s just traditional roles of man as provider and woman as dependent. They both agree to the roles and it doesn’t have to be disrespectful. He can have the money and the say in certain areas and she does the house/kids thing. I actually think a woman like that has a lot going for her. If the guy provides she is free to focus on her family. Many women make the trade gladly.
You just have to be honest about how each of you is made and not judge it as bad or good. People balk at the idea of incompatibility and try to make intellectual arguments against it but in the end- either works or it doesn’t.
Yes. This was a pattern in my 20’s. The guy would dump me and then try to come back bc his parents or a sibling pointed out what an asset I would be to him in the long-term. I never took them back.
“Most men are not worthy of all the worry and angst women go through when trying to get close to them. this is sad but true… men are basically users, many feel entitled to this energy and don’t think twice about using a woman for all her concern…if only women would but this energy into themselves the world most likely would be better”… and this is from a therapist of more than 20 years.
Ali G, that is one man-hating therapist you’ve got there.
I (Sag, Libra Rising) am going through this now. He (Leo, Gemini Rising) was the love of my life. We blended families, got along, were mature and open. Then one day (July 31) he tells me he has no feelings for me and we have to move out and be friends. He took up with an ex on the rebound (per his words) and for the past two months has been ping ponging between me and her. I hit a wall this past weekend and told him to choose me or let me go. I learned today that she proposed and they are getting married at Christmas. He promised me, behaved and treated me like I was the one. The ex (also Leo) wanted him and pulled out all the manipulative stops to get him. It’s fine, I clearly wasn’t the one for him – but how am I now supposed to believe anyone else again? How do you recognize the falseness behind the proposed sincerity you feel in your gut?
(((Nicole))) I’m sorry. 🙁
<3 Thank you. I figure I must have been a demon in a past life to be dealt the hand I've had in this one. But I'll continue to live each day with the best intentions possible to hopefully bring a little more peace into my next life. I just turned 40 on Monday, so I've still got some time to work on that.
Happy Birthday. 🙂
Thank you =)
Nicole- Make it your best year yet! Happy Birthday!
As another therapist I’ve known would always quote Melissa Etheridge…”Love is never wrong”.
Elsa- It was a male therapist who said the first quote. When you talk about your husband it reminds me of this guy who was a psychiatrist at the VA for a number of years before his private practice. I thought this was his response to women who would whine about men.
Oh! Wrong assumption. My bad.
@Ali G
Thank you so much =) I make every conscious effort to treat everyone as I’d have them treat me. I get crushed a lot, but I sleep well at night. I sometimes wish I had it in me to be vengeful, but I always concede to the karma. And I always manage to somehow land on my feet. I wonder if the resilience is the Sag or the Libra.
Yeah, but I like to dig deep instead of considering it incompatibility because for some reason I end up with people who want to take care of me after a while even though I’m clear I like being equal partners. I wish they would be upfront about themselves earlier on and save me the time, effort, and pain.
wow so true. lol about some scorpio men, i say some because maybe there are libra stellium scorpios out there that want balance. if only people really understood that deeply. lol astrology is a hidden treasure. ;p