I was talking to a pal…
“You realize no woman is going to make him happy? It’s not personal to you?”
“Um…”
“You don’t realize it,” I said. “Okay, l’ll explain. Any woman this guy gets or decides to be with, he’ll not want her. He won’t want you but it’s not because of your hair, your age your weight or any other thing. It’s the way he is. This has emerged.”
“You think…”
“I know. This is his nature; he has proven it over and over. As soon as some woman gets in his bed, regardless of who she is… fat, thin, old, young, pretty, ugly, nice or not so nice, from day one, the first time this guy wakes up with some gal in his bed, he’s going to be unhappy about it. He is going to see this gal in his bed and perceive it as a problem. She’s there, so now he has either has to either get rid of her or tolerate her presence. It’s a total burden to him and whichever he chooses, it will make him unhappy.”
“That’s true, isn’t it?”
“It is absolutely true. There’s no other possible outcome. And her looks don’t matter. I don’t care if he wakes up with the dream-girl starlet of century; he’s still going to be miserable. He’ll find a way to be burdened and strapped down by her. For example, she will be more famous than him,” I said with a chuckle.
“That’s true. That would bother him.”
“Of course it would. She’s beautiful, this is his problem. She’s ugly? His problem. If she’s there in any way shape or form and she is going to be his problem. There’s no way for a woman NOT to bother this guy. There is no way any woman on this planet is going to be with this guy and dodge this bullet. Sleep with this guy and become his burden. Whoever you are, you go right in the slot.”
“I see what you mean.”
“Good because it’s key. It’s really this simple: this guy is going to be unhappy with whoever he has in his life the same way I am happy with whoever is in mine.”
She laughed, knowing I’m always satisfied with my relationships.
“Yeah. So forget about what may be wrong with you and just be glad you’re not waking up in his bed because whoever does is gets to be in a world of hurt with little idea why. And it’s surreal how fast this constellates. Overnight. So just be glad you can see this which is a lot better than having to experience it because any woman who has to is going to be up a creek with this guy and have a very hard time figuring out why.”
Man in question has Venus conjunct Neptune in Sagittarius for starters. And various other sundries. But bottom line, no Earth girl is ever going to do. Ever.
Know anyone like this?
Me. I’m never satisfied. Venus-Neptune Conjunct in capricorn in the 12th house.
I have and I completely agree with your take on Venus/Neptune . . . however, Venus in Pisces is lovely! My Aries has that & he finds me beautiful & desirable even when my more critical Libra eye says “you’ve got to be kidding?!” 🙂
I do, but this person has a tight Venus Neptune Square.
Yeah this sounds really familiar. So glad I’m not that burdensome girl anymore.
hmm, I have Neptune and Venus conjunction in Sagittarius and my moon is very close there too. Am I lost for relationship? Or maybe women manage this differently :)?
I always thought i really was the problem, goes to show how you should never ever give your power to another!
Yup, and they are never satisfied. The divine discontent 😉
Des – me too. I usually think I’m the problem in any relationship, regardless of what they do/say. Opposite of the problem in the post. And yes, I’m learning not to give my power away!
My friend had mars in early gemini opposition neptune in sag, he was very experimental but he kept in secret and tried to project an image of conservate male? His neptune in the 12th house, capricorn rising. Compounded in this mix was pluto in the tenth house, so a bitter rage against women was also evident, but he needed a hetrosexual relationship to mask the fact that living with a man was probably far more desirable? Really sad.
Oh God. I do know someone like that…me! But I have learned my lesson the hard way. I’ve always tried to shelve my need for space and freedom NO I understand how important it is to protect this, and work with this in my future relationships…boo.
Oops! “NOW”
This post made me feel so much better about life today.
My ex has sagittarius neptune – venus AND his sun was sag with a gemini moon. Now, I also have the sag neptune-venus conjunction and perhaps that’s why we both we SO happy to have found someone to understand our restlessness and need for freedom in relationships…
but he ended it earlier than expected. So, reading this helped me put it into perspective that maybe it was his own issues – not able to cope.
But why do guys like this continue to jump into relationships?!!!
Ha ha. This does echo. Echo. I have Venus in Sag, in a T square with Uranus and Jupiter 🙂
I was going to say thank God Neptune isn’t involved and then I realised Uranus is in the 12th and Jupiter is in Pisces. Haha indeed!
Actually, yes! *lol* BIG help, actually, reading this. 🙂
Yes, it finally makes sense! Most recent [ and most heartbreaking/life altering ] ex has Sun and Venus is Sag. I totally and completely lost myself in an effort to make him feel as if he had worth. I knew in the back of my mind what was going on but, silly little Taurus me kept with it..
Never again!
Oh man and it really did happen overnight! We were best friends, inseparable and attached at the hips–Mom even said he looked at me funny [ in a good way ]–and then we started going out aaand BAM! Hello, world of hurt!
Elsa, you are my astrological hero 😀
I think my other post got filtered out, but this guy has Sun/Venus in Sag and Moon in Leo…… It finally all makes sense!
me. especially younger.
I have Venus conj. Neptune…they are never satisfied with ME!
Its not just guys, I have a female friend like this. I don’t know her chart, so I have no idea whats going on there, but I have watched her go through men, over and over and over again. Sometimes even the same man
Wow. Well I have sag sun, venus, neptune, uranus…geez and my moon in aries perhaps makes me like this to – OMG!
I just realized that maybe my EX WAS MY MIRROR!!! OUCH. That would make sense right?
How I can go from hot to cold..and even (many cases) COLD to surprisingly HOT with a little coaxing. Hm. But always when it ends I am befuddled? and confused? when I knew it wasn’t going to last from the begging. Is that being in denial? hmm
begging= beginning
I’m in a long term relationship with someone who has Neptune/Venus/Uranus in Sag in the 9th house, and I’d say he doesn’t even come close to fitting this model. He’s very easy going and never complains about anything, even when I know sometimes I must irk him. He seems very settled and has a sense of responsibility in the relationship. Maybe I’m just lucky in this respect? He does have lots of Scorp and Cap in his chart, which may be the balance?
you know what was so great about this advice (for me)? after I internalized that sort of “it’s not you, it’s him,” observation, I went on to work out the implied other side. thanks to Elsa I also became conscious about why I would choose to BE the burden. there are two sides to an equation.
does venus trine neptune do this as well? what about sun opposition neptune?
angel – not seeing a chart, I would say no. Again, this is more than one aspect. For example Saturn is in Taurus and blah blah. It is an array of things.
Ugh. I can relate to this a little too much.
I’m like that as well, and am beginning to despair of ever WANTING to settle down in a loving relationship. As you say, once someone appears to properly be in my life, suddenly all I can see is everything that’s wrong with them. Please help!! How can a person cope with such tendencies in themselves, given the fact that it’s our feelings we will have to tame, not our actions? (and btw I have Venus in Gemini opposing my Neptune and Moon in Sagittarius, plus Mars in Gemini also opposing Neptune). Also, what other aspects besides Venus-Neptune aspects would bring out such tendencies in a chart in your opinion?
(Expletive) That clears up some things in my life. Very informative. When I was reading this, I thought the guy must have Venus/Saturn for the burden, but the Venus/Neptune makes sense. I never noticed before, but I have this with an inconjunct. I’m really screwed. I’ve known this in other ways and have tried to plan, but it sucks. Doesn’t mean I don’t hope and try, still, but I really need to plan for a life alone when I’m old. (I don’t mean to be a downer – that’s just life.)
Sounds like my ex-beau. But he doesn’t have any venus/neptune aspects.
Sounds like loads of women out there. Practically all the guys I know are pretty easily satisfied, just want to have a good time together and are prepare to invest in a relation. The women in question however eventually want to emasculate their man and are never ever satisfied for more than an instant. Sign of the times???
I think its absolutely wonderful that some unhappy impossible to please man is causing a stir among the female race. IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE? Those words go with the feminine. Please talk on. This is absolutely wonderful.
Astroman, I agree with you and have said so publicly (and privately) many, many times.
Christopher French, you are adding on or expanding what I wrote for whatever purpose. This is a private conversation, made public, and it concerns one individual. That you apply it to the female race or the “feminine” is a personal quirk of yours.
Since my marriage ended 6 years ago, I’ve had the opportunity to meet hundreds of singles struggling with dating and relationships the second time around, like me. The biggest lesson I have taken away from all these conversations and experiences is that which we say we want in a partner and that which we are actually attracted to in a partner are two decidedly different things. And more often than not, we are unaware that we have such a dichotomy within us. End result? We are all impossible to please on some level because of this subconscious disparity, men and women alike. And as we aren’t even conscious of having this disparity, it becomes really easy to chalk it up to “all women are X” or “all men are Y.” And it is very confusing to potential partners because we send out mixed messages.
But I’ve been intrigued by Elsa’s premise so I’ve gone back and looked at charts of friends and have seen some interesting patterns on this front. Like an old boyfriend who had moon conjunct saturn in the 6th house in Capricorn who spent all his time working to the detriment of everything else in his life, including his relationships. Or the friends loaded with Cancer who are always falling for people who are complete messes. Good topic! I hope we get to explore it more in Blood and Guts.
Jeannie, for your study, this guy is a Cap with a Cancer moon. He has Venus conjunct Neptune in Sadge at the same degree.
He has Uranus in Libra conjunct the ascendant (tight) and Saturn in Taurus, inconjunct (also tight).
He has Pluto deep in the 12th house and no idea he casts a shadow.
It really is high art here.
Mars conjunct Jupiter in Scorpio – women bring this man casseroles in DROVES. 🙂
This was the guy I just dated. I totally got the impression that he has to feel miserable with whoever he is with and keep his distance. He shut down on me the day after we slept together. I told him to take a hike — I didn’t want to be roped into his sad cr*pshow. He had moon square saturn though? I don’t know enough about aspects to know if that was in play.
Astrological aspects aside, I’ve seen this type of behavior frequently — like another poster said, a lot of times people *think* they want one thing but are attracted to another thing.
Hey Elsa, not to be difficult, but how is what Christopher saying different to what Astroman is saying? They both seem to think that women are harder to please than men. In fact, Astroman is saying that most women want to emasculate their men. I find that rather disconcerting, possibly because I have personally accused of this once or twice, and have never understood what it meant. Anyone got any ideas how one manages to emasculate her man? I would have thought that someone who is confident in who he is cannot be made to feel bad about himself, am I wrong? 🙂
marablu – Astroman states an opinion, I hold and have expressed many times on this blog. Women feminizing men – men being satisfied with simple things (like an un-crazy woman for example) and women who are impossible to please. I see the same thing he does and so agreed with him. He also says, “loads of women” which is not “the feminine” or all women.
Christopher French tags all women in his comment and also has a history of showing up on this blog to mock and so this might also explain my response to him. His tone on this blog is always condescending where, Astroman sounds like an honest, masculine voice.
Last, Astroman is new here. That was his first comment and that is why I welcomed him. I welcomed, Christopher French the first time he commented here as well but at this point… well he’s made an impression as outlined.
Me I think and my ex
I take the point that saying ‘loads of women’ is not the same as universalising things to cover the whole female gender. But can you explain what you mean by women ‘feminising’ men?
My last bf quoted this as his reason for leaving me, and I never quite understood it. Ok, I don’t believe in using indirect means to convince a man that something I want was ‘his idea’, especially when that something is a reasonable request. Does that make me a ball buster? I want to feel that the man I’m with is an adult who can discuss things rationally, not have to be treated like a puppy who just pooped in the living room.
I guess we all, at different points in our lives, are impossible to please. Maybe that has to do with our natal charts, or maybe we happen to be emotionally unavailable for whatever reason at that particular time. Also, I suspect that the people who get accused of this are rarely the people who ought to be; either that, or the people who really are that way just don’t care what others accuse them of.
Oh and, Christopher, if you’re reading this, mockery is never cool. Not even when it’s funny.
Is it the same for a woman who has Neptune square Mars? 😮
No, I don’t think so.
I have Mars square Neptune, with mars conjunct Asc from the 12th house and Neptune conjunct the MC and this article rings true, although it wouldn’t necessarily be about being in a relationship, more like not being satisfied ever in a sexual way because you idealize it so much. (Especially if it’s sex with a man.) It hurts when you realize that the ideal isn’t out there, because despite being obsessed with that you DID have good times with your hook ups. I’m only talking from my (frankly little) personal experience.
Elsa, would venus square saturn (aquarius/scorpio) also contribute to this constant dissatisfaction?
Maybe. You have to take the whole chart into consideration. For example, I have Venus sq Neptune and I am easily satisfied
. 🙂
Does Neptune opposite Venus play out the same way, Elsa?
No, I wouldn’t say that. It’s possible, but so are many other things. 🙂
Thanks!
I think men who find something wrong with anyone they date no matter how lovely are really looking for breathing blow-up dolls. They want the woman there when they need sexual release and to shut up and go away once they’re done. Oh, and the woman should also feel very lucky he looked her way at all. That’s what many of their mothers seem to have taught them.
The headline says “Neptune square Venus”, but the final paragraph says “Neptune conjunct venus”. Was it one or the other or does it matter?
Sorry! The person in question had the conjunction in Sagittarius. He was a Capricorn. I will edit.
Thanks, Elsa. I’m a Taurus dating a Capricorn man with Venus conjunct Neptune in Sagittarius for over a year. He has his saturn opposing the venus/neptune. I wonder if this changes the energy to make it work differently than we might assume?
Also, I wonder if when the composite chart is strong in a way that the individual synastry might not show, it overrides the analysis.
Saturn would definitely have an impact.
I have a male friend who finds faults with the woman he is with, whoever that is at the time and wants to change her. After he leaves her, he misses her and says she was great. Actually, I know two men like this. The other one treated his wife like shit and when she died, he glorifies her. I just thought it was a family thing since the two are related. The first is a Virgo and the second is a Libra.
If I am genuinely attracted to a man physically, he can’t do anything wrong. If I’m not, he can’t do anything right.
HA ha ha… I know someone sort of like this. Except this guy pretty much thinks he is God. He gets so many women to fall in love with him. Because he’s so wounded and they want to save him and the dynamic is like… “Take care of me and I will worship you.”
He sends mixed signals the whole time in order to keep the woman on a leash. So she starts losing her mimd- she doesn’t understand how he could worship her an then turn around and insult her because after all she takes care of his every need and he’s told her she is the most beautiful woman alive…hes Worshiping her every move except when he’s not… Except when he’s out banging his best friends wife. He ends up shocking the poor woman to death when he leaves her for his best friends wife.
That dumb woman who is with him now thinks she’s the one now. That she is the most awesome woman in the world. And she’s posting all over facebook that the ex is the crazy one. It’s just a matter of time before she is the next one to lose her mind.
I really thought this guy would pull it together. I had so much Faith in him. I did love him. I don’t know if I do anymore. It sucks to realize something like this about someone you lived. Disillusionment is really a horrible feeling.
I wish he would just go back to the other woman he was with and treat her right.
It’s so SICK. Sick sick sick. I loved this person. Not only is it sick that he thinks he’s some kind of God but also this woman he is with is just nauseating. Constantly bashing the other woman..the woman of his child on facebook of all places. Zero tact. Ugh I need a shower just thinking about it.
Mother* of his child
I’m a Sag sun with Neptune conjunct Venus in the 2nd house but in Libra. I’ve always been in a relationship and, even when reasonably happy, I was either thinking of someone I had been with before or found myself attracting another just in case. I thought I’d outgrown it. For twenty years I was content but realize it was because of the children. I was in love with being a mother, not a wife.