When it comes to attracting sex there seems to be two kinds of people. Everyone has heard of the guy who lacks for dates. He just can’t seem to find a women, right up until he marries! As soon as someone puts a ring on his finger, women show up in droves and this a story as old as time. The fact some woman wants this man, makes other women want this man.
I am in the opposite situation. When I am partnered, men take one look at me and seem to know I am unavailable. There are exceptions but they are few and far between. For the most part, men (and women) look at me and can tell there is nothing there. There is no void to fill so they take their eyes off me and continue to scan the room for someone who is “open” or unfilled and unfulfilled.
But as soon as there is a void, LOOK OUT! My pheromones start to build up and it doesn’t take long. A week? Two weeks? Next thing I know I am crawling with prospects. Men, women, librarians of both sexes, small animals, you name it.
At first it’s bad but then it gets worse and worse and worse and worse to where it becomes nearly intolerable to me and I just want to take a partner for my own relief and that of the collective!
At first glance it seems women want to compete against each other for a man, where men are looking for an opening… any opening. In a gross sense, I mean. Don’t lecture me because you know what I mean! But this rule does not hold! I know women who have an enormous problem attracting a partner for no reason that is tangible. Like the man with no ring on his finger, they just don’t have people interested in them sexually, up and until they hook-up at which point opportunities come out of the wood work. So why is this??
I have a theory! I have no idea if it is valid. I’ve not researched this at all but it occurs to me that perhaps it is an easy aspect between Venus and Mars in a chart that brings opportunities for love and sex when you need them while the hard aspects bring scenarios that are jarring.
When it comes to sex, are you a person who finds water when thirsty? Or are you someone who suffers periods of drought followed by periods where you have access to more water than you could or should drink?
And what is Mars doing to Venus in your chart?
omg i love that painting!
I think your theory might be bang on. I definitely have the drought/flood thing going on, and Mars & Venus are in pretty tight opposition in my natal chart. It’s very frustrating, and I’m still nowhere near learning how to deal with that opposition.
Feast or famine. Always has been. And Mars is horribly aspected in my chart, but Venus is peachy.
Venus conjunct Mars in Aries. Both are trined Neptune, and both are opposite Pluto. I don’t have droughts My partner has Venus conjunct Mars in Scorpio. I didn’t plan on it to be this way, but I finally lucked out in finding a partner who’s sex drive is higher than mine.
I like to think about sexual droughts, though. I think about it alot! Most of my pals have them, and when you’re sad after not getting laid in 5 days, some people think you’re a bit spolied.
Because it is more common than not, I would go so far as saying. I think the reason why a lot of people have a lot of sex when a relationship begins is that they are comfortable surrendering to lust.
What do you think causes this to change? I know plenty of people who loved their partner to be all over them in the early stages of a love affair, then felt pawed at and ‘meaty’ as time went on. They feel a bit shy about their bodies, too!
I think this has something to do with wanting your body to ‘be your own.’ And I don’t mean from a historical stand point (as in your body’s own history).
I mean, the deeper in a relationship some people go, they get in their heads and find it hard to get out long enough to render themselves helpless to lust.
Great post, Elsa. I have an image now of a small dog turning in circles madly in front of you, begging to be pet!
Tha makes sense kashmiri! I was married for eleven years and this was definitely the case for me! I have Venus in Capricorn and the moment a ring went on my finger, and as time went on, I got a lot more shy…not great for him! And then I started to feel even more inadequate because of his frustration with my being less interested after time went on. I feel bad about it, but that’s just how I am wired I guess? Or I had not married the right person but that’s an awful thought.
I definately don’t always connect love and sex. I may now, but that’s because I am in a 5 years+ relationship.
I’ve had plenty of sex where there’s no love. Actually, more lust than love. I find relationships difficult, but I also have Saturn in my 7th house–the house of relationships! Like, if I only waited for love and sex when I was younger, I would have never got any action! And boy do I want it.
As heterosexual woman with a high sex drive, I can assure you my problems in getting laid when I was younger and single came from trying to convince men I didn’t want a relationship and wasn’t looking for love. So I went without for a bundle of reasons. Many people just simply don’t believe women are capable of separating love and sex, let alone venus/ mars types.
I think this says more about the social acceptibility of overtly sexual women than it does about women wanting sex less than men.
My Mars and Venus don’t connect with each other in any way. Venus conjunct Uranus, Sag. | Cappy Mars conjunct Moon, sextile Saturn & Mercury
Hmmmmmmmmm… this is sort of hard. Because it’s not like I’m looking for, or searching for dates, even though I’m technically single. In the end, everyone’s a friend, *shrug* And I don’t think I actually “suffer” droughts. My whole life would be a drought then haha.
And, if I think it in that way, I’m a camel! …Maybe.
I usually don’t like this dating thing. At least not the “look over there at that hot stranger. I want his number, let’s hope he hits on me!” kind of thing. It seems shallow and a pretty damn nuisance. I mean, who the hell IS that? And WHY the hell do I want to be mistaken for a piece of meat?! Ugh. “She’s not quite an 8, but still a pretty solid 7.” Just wtf… I hate that! I don’t really feel comfortable talking to guys who make me feel like I’m being approached like that.
In that sense, I don’t think I like dating “consciously”… as in *knowingly* looking for dates or boyfriends. But, for some reason, I can make friends with guys, who later on develop the innuendo of “they are interested in me” pretty easily. (???) The picture of whether or not *I* like *them*……… takes a much longer time to develop.
If I *did* look for it in the Typical Dating Fashion, would I get it? Probably not because it would:
A — Cramp my “whatever” style when it comes to being attractive, haha, and I’d just abandon “Project Dating”. Also I’d feel way too weird if they weren’t friends with me for a while! (I even feel weird then.) If I dated “consciously”, I would just completely close up; I’d feel like I’d have to perform like a girl/girlfriend they would want, just to keep them mostly interested. Ugh! What pressure! And I hate being evaluated/rejected like that.
B) — I would get seriously hurt because I sometimes invest a lot of my feelings on random guys (usually who aren’t outwardly interested in me) because I want to help them, but somehow, I still don’t like the idea of dating. Even with the guys I like.
Maybe that’s how the astrology of Venus and Mars not aspecting works? I don’t know.
______________________________________________
+ Anyway, people say that some individuals in stable relationships, like that guy, seem to give off a glow. And, they seem more relaxed, more themselves. And, because there’s no pressure, it seems easier for girls/guys to talk to them. Their energies grow because of them being in a relationship that they can be “themselves” or at least some specific version of themselves. (The “I am desired and desirable” version.) So, they are “themselves” more of the time.
+ And maybe some other people give off an “I’m done” feel. An “I’m complete. I don’t need you at all.” feel. So, they stay back. Everyone understands that they’re not going to get an equal relationship/friendship thing as this person’s partner, because their energies are already pretty much invested.
Yay for looong comments!
My Venus is sextile Mars , opposite Jupiter and conjunct Uranus. i guess that makes me fun and surprising – and strong. Most of the guys that have been attracted to me since my divorce have been unavailable due to youth (I just can’t date someone 20 years younger than me) or marriage. I always attributed that to the fact that I relax around men whom I’m not trying to attract and they like that, thus they like me. I can’t cunt how many men have said “if only I wasn’t married”. I’m a pretty strong minded woman who has a good job and I own my own home, so most single men just never thought I needed them and ran off after the first date. I finally met someone that’s strong enough in himself that he wants a strong woman and it’s wonderful. I’ve discovered at 58 that, yes, I am a sex kitten!! Go figure… but, to answer the question, I have had a long famine (13 years) but have never had a feast. I guess I’m too scarry.
I NEED a sex life – though I can’t sleep with a man more than twice without a. being bored out of my brain or b. falling in love. For sex I needn’t look far – this has never been hard, but finding a man interesting enough, that’s a whole different ball game. I suppose I get attention from the opposite sex more when I am in a relationship, that’s what gives me a sex glow 24-7. Mars-venus conjunction -mars in libra venus in scorp
“When it comes to sex, are you a person who finds water when thirsty? Or are you someone who suffers periods of drought followed by periods where you have access to more water than you could or should drink?”
i’m afraid none of the above…for me it seems to be a perpetual jarring state ~ like a desert with an additional drought: no oasis, and no plants anywhere (if that makes any sense)to quench my sexual thirst.
if you were talking about plantonic opportunities then i would have to say i have an attraction factor of 6-7, but sexually i am 0 factor. as for love? i believe this may very well abound in great supply in the universe, whether or not i am allowing myself to open up and tap into its source is another story altogether, so currently my attraction love factor is unknown.
*venus in virgo square mars in gemini*
p.s. Viviana women aren’t the only ones with specs when it comes to sex, men are quirky too when it comes to the casual “leg over”. just ask them…i have.
circle.dot.raindrops & Kathy…interesting posts
kashmiri do you think it possible for you to transfer your past sex life energy on to me so i can be queen strut for a long weekend (of course, please pass on only the really “hot hot” encounters ?)i would be truly grateful (;
enjoyed reading everyone’s responses so far, i look forward to reading more.
My Venus in Cap can be overly formal. Yet my Mars is conjunct Mercury so I’m attracted to intellectual stimulation from a partner. Witty banter is hugely attractive. And Venus, Mars (& Mercury) are all Ninth House so I can fall in love with a parter who’s intellect can take me places I’ve never been.
I’ve consciously chosen my drought (3 years) and made an effort to stayout of love/lust/dating. And its been good for me. However recently my antennae is up and am looking to break the drought with a smart, well-read,well-educated well-travelled, experienced, mature man.
High standards from Capricorn Mars and Venus…maybe…
No droughts usually, when out of something for a short while and the world is sadder than I can remember, someone pops into my life. I hope that keeps happening…
Anywho, I have venus sextiling mars (air/fire) and venus opp jupiter. I can be pretty expansive with love and sex….voracious. I wouldn’t just want a lover as I want love more..and in a relationship the sex is more steady (yay!) so all around more ideal.
It’s been a trek and a half searching for real love to go with the sex. Sex won’t do..I want something more soulful; real intimacy with the fun. Maybe my desire has to do with mars in leo…and jupiter in sag..dunno.
My Mars and Venus don’t connect either.
I have never, ever had a run of men in my life. NEVER. I go YEARS between finding any man attractive enough to want to boink. (So far it’s been three and counting this run.) Once in a great while, someone I find attractive wants to boink me back. I am the queen of revirginization in between men. My sex drive HAS to shut down, because I couldn’t sell it on the street corner in between future exes. It’s pretty sad. This is part of why I think I am meant to be alone. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” just does not apply to me at all!
Amazingly, I’m neither feast nor famine. It’s there when I want it and gone when I don’t! Maybe it’s because I exude strong I’m-attached vibes (Mars and Venus conjunct in Libra), and am definitely “on the prowl” when not (Leo sun). Whatever the reason, it’s damned handy. . .
“And it occurs to me that perhaps it is an easy aspect between Venus and Mars in a chart that brings opportunities for love and sex when you need them while the hard aspects that bring scenarios that are jarring.”
Do you mean transits as well as Natal? Because I’ve noticed that transits of Mars and Venus to natal do make a difference in my life.
My Venus is at 19 Pisces (trine Neptune at 19 Scorpio) and Mars is at 15 Virgo – oh, and Saturn is at 9 Pisces – so droughts are common, but it doesn’t bother me. It also takes a while for me to move a relationship along – one night stands ain’t my thing – to the point of having sex. Some people aren’t that patient.
Oh and what is Mars doing to my Venus? Making it clean the house instead of loafing and reading all weekend, buying fruit and veggies instead of cheesecake and wine… 😀
kashmiri i find it interesting that a topic like that in the Guardian should come up the sametime Elsa’s blog is also pondering a similar subject.
on my first read through of the link you posted i thought it sounded like that popular book from a decade or so ago called The Rules, only this publication would be for folks in long term relationships. upon re-reading i can appreciate Ester Perel’s quest to address the lack of sexual/desirous passion in long term relatonships…
…however, from the break time and lunch period conversations i’ve encountered at work it seems as though many people in long term relationships get off by projecting their own imaginations and fantasies onto single people. i cannot tell you the amount of times i have had long term partnered people just asume (no proof, no evidence), that i am getting royally worked on any given evening of the week. i used to protest until i realised i could use this (talk) to my own benefit and see myself in a sexual light even though i’m not getting any;) ,but there is no point in telling them this either, since many would not believe me.
thanks for the link :). i especially liked Mariella Frostrup’s article
I have mars square venus, which is supposed to be a difficult aspect? I’ve never really wanted for a relationship or long-term sexual partner. But it did take me until I had a fling at 21- first casual relationship I had- to understand what ‘passion’ meant. I really had no idea what ppl were talking about up until then.
I have venus (conj Eros) in aries trine mars in sag and with jupiter part of a stellium in 7th…i have never been lonely for long in fact sometimes it’s too much, like buses 4 will come along at once. And that mars energy has in the past made me abit too impulsive and rash, falling in love with love rather than properly checking out whether the other person involved is really suitable (ruler neptune in 8th opp merc may have a part to play there). Cant complain though, i’ve met alot of interesting people, had alot of fun and learnt alot too.
My Venus is at 29 Virgo, sandwiched between Pluto (25 Virgo) and Uranus (6 Libra).
My Mars is at 13 Leo, conjunct the Sun at 15 Leo.
They semi-square.
I haven’t had the easiest love life. Sometimes I envy people who settle down relatively early with someone they had a long history with. I have a history of short flame-outs, cold bastards, and finding a soul mate AFTER I was engaged. Sigh.
It took me a while to figure out that my love life is always going to be topsy turvy. Look at my Venus. It aspects all three outer planets (it also closely sextiles Neptune). So, I just learned to go with the flow.
re: violet (#26)
I agree with you re: single people.
People too quickly ~assume~ that single people are getting it (sex) left, right and center. Or that they ~can~, if they should want to (projection by wishful attached people no longer ‘getting any’, as you point out).
Conversations with single people over the years and knowledge of my own friends’ histories indicate that this is not the case. Things are not that simple.
There are people who will fuck anything in sight. These people get a lot of sex, usually before and after marriage, whether with their partner and/or others.
Other people are more choosy. Even if they are single and ‘free’, they don’t want to, and DON’T, jump in bed with just any easy lay.
There’s a full of range of degrees and frequency of sexual activity, and reasons for engaging in (or not), criteria or lack thereof, etc.
Sexual involvement is a complex choice that goes beyond desire and opportunity.
Hi Elsa,
CAUTION: This comment is very long!
I liked your article because it was intelligently written as well as its subject matter always being (fortunately for some, unfortunately for others), relevant.
I’m going to share my thoughts on this anyway.. I have a very losely orbed Venus-Mars conjunction in Aries in the 11th house which makes a so-called adverse (a square) aspect to Neptune in the 7th house. This is the only ‘negative’ aspect the conjunction makes.
So I suppose you would immediately deduce that I would have to be very cautious and discriminate regarding whom I befriend or associate with to protect myself against possible deception or any other unscrupulous behaviour. Truth be told- I AM wary of others (particularly men). I wouldn’t call myself naive. Then again, I have a Scorpio Moon tightly conjunct Saturn with its ruler Pluto in Scorpio to which I attribute my genuine ability to make decent judgements about people.
I remember one incident (though there have been many), when I was 13.. I was introduced by my friend to a married new male neighbour of hers. I immediately distrusted him because there were ‘leaks’ in his behaviour. For example, my friend mistakenly knocked his folder off a table and he supposedly ‘jokingly’ got really mad about it. It was as if he was enraged at first but then he quickly tried to cover it up to make it into a joke.
When we went for a walk with him in the hills behind his house, I was very reluctant to go because I basically didn’t trust him. I tried to persuade my friend that we shouldn’t go with him but she then said she’d simply go on her own with him. I didn’t want her to leave her by herself so I tagged along. Throughout the walk, he was again supposedly ‘jokingly’ doing things like attempting to push my friend Sinead into the stream and jostling her on steep terrain. I didn’t like it one bit. When we safely returned, I told Sinead I didn’t trust him and that I thought he had a dangerous, violent streak in him. She brushed it off, thinking I was only imagining it.
Time passed and soon Sinead was telling me incidents involving Owen (the violent neighbour). One involved Owen unjustly taking offence at something trivial Sinead’s sister had said and then pinning her to the wall by her neck.
Within a few weeks, it emerged that Owen’s wife Francis (a lovely, genuine woman), had left him because he was beating her. According to Francis, these beatings had occurred for several years (long before she and Owen moved to my friend’s neighbourhood). The violence became too much so she secretly fled and called Sinead’s mother detailing all this but begging her not to disclose her location to Owen. She was terrified of him.
So this culmination of events confirmed what I had always thought of that man and gave me faith and confidence in my own judgements from then on. Thus, my proven clear judgement of people doesn’t seem to support the indications shown by my Venus-Mars square Neptune in the 7th, weirdly enough.
Now, as regards the Venus-Mars thing and the availability of sex when ‘needed’.. In my experience, I have noticed that I’m a magnet for randy men who really need to learn a few lessons about proper social conduct. I don’t seek out those men. In normal situations where I have been simply walking down the street in conservative clothes and minding my own business, I have had an ample range of bullshit shouted at me from over-sexed men. I can’t repeat any of it here because it’s unrepeatable.
I was recently in a cab having a normal conversation with the cab driver when he suddenly switched to talk about sex and what he’d like to do to me, or what I could do to him, etc. Bear in mind that this man was in his forties, very overweight, and basically not attractive in conventional terms. I quickly got out of the cab and ran away.
In June 2006, I was walking home in broad daylight when a man who looked to be in his fifties intercepted my path and walked ahead of me. There weren’t many people around because it was a bank holiday weekend and most of the people in this usually-student-populated area had gone home for the weekend. Anyway, when I turned a corner shortly after that (he was, by then, out of my field of vision), I was met by the same man leaning against a wall facing me with his trousers around his ankles and his genitalia in full view. I shouted appropriate swear words at him before quickly crossing the street and calling the police. I gave a statement to the police who took action but unfortunately never found that twisted f*cker of a man. I haven’t checked which planets may have been transitting my Venus-Mars or Neptune or 7th house at the time but I wouldn’t be surprised if those were activated somehow.
It hasn’t been all bad for me, however. I have attracted nice, respectable, intelligent guys in the past but I wasn’t too bothered in developing it from there. I have fun flirting with men or being the recipient of it but I don’t go overboard with it. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I know I could very easily have got various men I have encountered in the past (and present) into bed but I place more value on getting to know (and hopefully further like), a man before I shag them. I’m not promiscuous because I feel I have a lot more to offer men than my abilities in the bedroom. Aside from the aforementioned “randy men” I encounter regularly, I find that men in general are willing to go out of their way to help with something. This ranges from male bartenders undercharging me for a drink (though I don’t drink alcohol), or just last Saturday when a nice cab driver (as opposed to that lump of sh*t mentioned above), undercharged me, or male strangers helping me to lift something heavy (though I’m not a weakling and try to maintain self-sufficiency at all times). I don’t ask for these favours and it sometimes makes me feel guilty that I somehow influence men into being unnecessarily helpful. I don’t take advantage of people.
So, in conclusion (after this enormously tedious, long ‘comment’!), I say that my personal experiences as an owner of Venus aspecting Mars have confirmed that it plays a part in getting sex or potential partners (if you want it).
Phew, you’ve touched a nerve or rung some bells here Elsa – I can;t possibly read through all that right now hahaha! – got to go to the bank..
But I’m sure you are right that different people give off their pheronomes at different times…
Whe I am having good sex I attract men like flies to a honeypot. I’ve never had much trouble attracting men (even if not usually the ones want!) – and especially when I’m sexually active and esp when sexually satisfied.
When I was married, on the other hand, I didn’t attract men at all – I shut down that side of my nature which was flirtatious and I consciously (and prob unconsciously) gave off that ‘I’m taken’ vibe. DO NOT APPLY. It was quite surprising to me how little response I got from men in those years – I still looked pretty stunning. I’m sure it was my own attitude! (I did get a very occasional offer – but we weren’t mostly in any situation where extra-marital sex was the norm)
Towards the end of my marriage my sexual nature was shut down completely, in any case. My marriage was good in many ways, but sexual bliss was not part of that. As soon as my marriage was over, I effortlessly fell back into into my old way of responding to me, and once again attracted them in droves, even though I was in my 40s by then.
I still attract a fair number even in my 60s – though rarely one of any interest, sadly! That accelerated a lot last summer when I was once more seeing quite a bit of the Man… Men can definitely sense when I’m feeling ‘sexy’ and it turns them on wildly
I’ve also noticed that in that year or so following the end of a serious affair during which I’m usually grieving and celibate, men haven’t come on to me much at all
Venus/Vesta exact, conjunct Sun, in Cap H5
Venus/Vesta opp Mars-conjunct-Saturn, Cancer H11
Venus/Vesta sextile BL Lilith in Scorpio
Venus/Vesta trine Moon in Taurus, and Asc in Virgo
Aleesha, any woman who goes around on her own is going to be faced occasionally with flashers, randy taxi drivers indulging in inappropriate chat, etc etc. That’s one price we pay for Women’s Lib I’m afraid!
I have Moon, Mars and Venus conjunct in Pisces and it’s definitely NOT easy to attract someone to me! I do have a lot of charisma in general but so far in the romantic department, I haven’t experienced this too-much attraction.
Find it when I want it, with not to much trouble. Mars(can 28′) is doing nothing to venus(gemini 21′).
Angie
I believe every person has the exact love life that they want (usually unconsciously)….because the Universe always reflects our true beliefs back to us. I don’t think that its Venus and Mars in aspect that denotes whether one finds love or sex….i think its more about the outer planets in aspect to venus, and to a lesser extent Mars.
Eh… even when I have had someone, I haven’t gotten trolled on any more or less than usual. Which is to say: the occasional random jerk, but I suddenly am not a man-magnet.
I won’t even bother to go out on one date with someone if I don’t think there is the possibility that it could be long-term (Venus conj Saturn).
I’ve only had three adult boyfriends. I dated the first one for three years and he asked me to marry him twice. I said no. I met my first husband while dating him, and broke up with the boyfriend in order to date the future husband (I never cheat).
I met my second husband one month after my first divorce became final. We married that same year at his insistence.
My second divorce has been final for five months now. This is the longest I’ve ever been unattached (he moved out one year ago). I’ve been told in meditation (even before I knew I was getting divorced again) that I would be married for a third and final time. I’m curious to see how long it’s going to take to happen.
I’m not looking and not a flirt. However, with Venus in Aquarius square Neptune in Scorpio in the 9th, I think I give off an exotic or foreign vibe. I’m of Italian and Hungarian ancestry, but people think I’m Spanish or Mexican! I’m expecting someone to pop up unexpectedly without me even looking. This July 1st eclipse may bring something to me.
Glad you asked.
My Mars is screwing my Venus over. Or actually i feel it’s the other way around. My 7th house Venus in Capricorn is inconjunct my 12th house Mars in Gemini. That aspect is the worst as far as i’m concerned. If i could just change one aspect in my chart, forget about those cardinal t-squares, this would be the one.
No love-life, no sex. It blows (pun sort of intended).
“But as soon as there is a void, LOOK OUT! My pheromones start to build up and it doesn’t take long. A week? Two weeks? Next thing I know I am crawling with prospects. Men, women, librarians of both sexes, small animals, you name it.”
Elsa- *you are hilarious.* Just thought I’d say that.
I don’t have either extreme. Neither convenient prospects nor famine and feast (except by choice.) Maybe it’s because my mars and venus don’t aspect each other.
My problems are related to both isolation and shyness. I used to receive a lot of sexual attention, but I wanted the sweetness, too. When I was in school, I was very shy (as I got older – was fine when I first started), and boys who liked me, *really* liked me, but seemed almost too respectful. I had my first kiss when I was three, from a seven-year-old boy (not big-girl kiss, but he had me sitting on his lap and everything).
Venus in Gemini, conjunct Moon/south node, square Mars in Pisces, trine Pluto, sextile Jupiter.
conjunct in aquarius 7th. I have no problem being in the drought because I am the one who chooses it. When I want it, it seems to be there, but never too much of it. I have venus/mars square pluto and good aspects to my sun, merc, and moon. I’ve never looked for a fling…if I’m only half interested, then I’m not interested. I want the whole she-bang, witty banter especially.
For me, Venus (7th) and Mars (6th) share Gemini, but aren’t conjunct. Both are loosely opposite my Sag Neptune/ASC conjunction (10 & 12 degrees respectively).
I’ve found that when I’m available, if I want sex, it will happen. When I am partnered, I still get hit on occasionally but I tend to shut it down lest not get carried away. I do feel that I have to consciously put out the “do not disturb” vibe, lol.
As an aside, I think I’m still learning to embrace my Gemini. I have a physicality that pursues casual fun, but an emotional side that tends to throw a wet blanket on the whole affair. I have deeply loved two men at the same time. Oy vey!
My Mars ain’t doin’ nuthin’ to my Venus. :/ He’s too busy making plans with Cap Sun (conj), and she’s moving towards Sag Neptune with a dreamy look in her eye (also conj.), while Virgo Saturn and Moon shake their fingers at her (sq.). Actually, Saturn shakes a finger and Moon clutches her pearls. 😉
Well, I _could_ get laid anytime I wanted to, but I’m quite picky. I want sexual chemistry AND intellectual connection, and for me it’s quite hard to find both in one man. Men come in bunches after several months of drought. I don’t mind dry spells though, that’s when I get other stuff done.
Venus and Mars in adjacent signs (Cap Venus, Aqua Mars), no aspect.
Venus conjunct Mars. With the sun on the midpoint. I tell you, it’s almost unexplainable how I can’t even ward them off (guys) if I tried.
Could be that when a woman or man first becomes involved, there must be a distinct rise in biochemistry, emotional pleasure/fulfilment, anticipation and a certain joy de vivre mixed with a daydreaming romantic aura. It’s not so much that the opposite sex find one attractive because they know or sense that someone else finds them desirable; it’s more that these good, warm, vibes ARE attractive. When we embrace another we are more deeply and personally engaged with life itself. Of course, it depends if that person is involved with someone who uplifts rather than depresses.
Conversely, a lone male or female is more conscious of ‘making an effort’ in social situations and can give off mixed messages; the vibes may be insecure or too ‘needy’. Depends on how we relate to ourselves; whether we are self-satisfied yet open to the ‘right’ invitation.
I find it’s largely up to me and it’s unusual for me to get struck with the combination of confidence, intelligence, knowledge, humour and warmth that rocks my boat in a man. I can engage a man for hours intellectually but it’s purely mind to mind for me. Mostly, I am left to enjoy my own.
There are times, however, when someone ‘reaches out’ and I like them too, but don’t want to get further involved because I know all about the giving and receiving and respect my need for an intelligence equalled.
Venus in Scorpio, Mars in Libra not connecting. Uranus square Venus in any case, so have to breath my own free air.
Strawberry Fields # 30 = EXACTLY!!
I’m a Libra sun, venus conjunt uranus in Scorpio @ 12th House, both square Mars in Leo @ 9th House (conjunct midheaven, trine neptune, sextile jupiter and pluto)…
Like Aleesha #31 said, “I know I could very easily have got various men I have encountered in the past (and present) into bed but I place more value on getting to know (and hopefully further like), a man before I shag them…”.
Also, as Elsa pointed out that men are usually looking for an opening… Meaning if a woman wants sex, odds are she’ll get it!
Bottom line is: I know I can “find water when thirsty”, but I’m not interested in the easy fix, so I can suffer periods of self-inflicted drought, since I can’t seem to get really interested in anyone at times, even though guys keep on flirting and asking me out on dates…
Like Marge #53 I also want sexual chemistry + intellectual connection, which is quite hard to find nowadays!
As I see many people have stated similar comments with different or no aspects to their Mars/Venus! Maybe love and sex are lawless games?? Or maybe, Mars/Venus is just not enough to analyse??
After I was married I was suddenly WAY more attractive. Hubby too. We both have Venus opposing Mars in our charts (and in the composite lol)
There you go Elsa, i really loved your conceptualization of explaining the presence of Venus & Mars in one’s Natal Chart. Thanks for the share…!!
Makes total sense now..Venus sq Mars, Venus Scorp, Mars Leo and I have had droughts up to a year in my marriage. Been married a long time now, but in my younger days it always seemed to be feast or famine and it took me a long time to settle down to a relationship. I’m not sure that love will ever be easy for me.
Hello me from 8 years ago – love is still not easy, though the marriage has been over for 6 years now. Ex had no problem finding mates right away – actually before the marriage ended – but I am thinking I am better on my own. I love my kids and my friends, that comes easy, but relationships? No one is the least bit interested and I am ok with that at the moment.
I have no ring on my finger and still nothing
I don’t plan on lying and wearing a ring to attract a woman, but who knows
My Mars/Venus/Saturn rx t-square is in all fixed signs, Aquarius rising Mars with Ceres, Venus in Scorpio {My Sun Mercury Neptune Midheaven are here just not conjunct with Venus}, and Taurus’ Saturn rx in my 4th equal or 2nd pladicus house.
Have not had the opportunity to notice the flood gates open due to being with someone, but will be loyal to a fault to the woman that finds me.
As for Mars it actually sextiles my Aries Moon/Chiron rx in 3rd equal or 2nd pladicus, and trines Uranus in Libra 9th equal or 8th pladicus, while my Moon and Uranus oppose each other.
i like this article, but for me, when i was single, taken men are just gross for some reason (only if they are fliratious and trying to go for other women while ‘taken’) but they aren’t gross of course if you see them being good to their woman and being faithful and loyal. That’s a good man and should stay that way!! it’s very unattractive and definitely gross if a woman finds out that a man is taken and is going around looking for women. It’s as if he is some kind of greedy, unsatisfied person. So this made me lol, or rather smile. So, definitely, it’s good you didnt put on a fake ring to pretend so you can get women. *smh* lol 😛 fun article to read though.
In my chart, Mars is at home (Cancer, 2H) shagging Venus with vigor. *chuckle*
They’re part of a cardinal T square that loops in Pluto (4/5 cusp), Uranus (5H), and Jupiter (8H) as well.
I am never thirsty for long.
I have always had extreme feast or famine.
Currently I am in a famine period and it’s easy enough to put it down to being older now (I’m 49) but honestly when I was in my teens and twenties I had equally long famine periods balanced with having so many man I wouldn’t know what to do with them all!
Hahaha…well perhaps I did know what to do with them, and that always led to trouble!
Venus and Mars are semi-sextile, with Venus square Saturn and Mars trine Saturn.
My Pisces Mars and Libra Venus have nothing to do with each other, plus Venus is unaspected except for Uranus. Long, long periods of drought, although I’m very passionate and would love to be partnered. But I just can’t enter into something for the sake of sex only. There has to be a connection, though not necessarily love. A Leo rising ex once said, “I’ve appealed to a lot of people and a lot of people have appealed to me.” I’m pretty much the opposite of that. Maybe because of Saturn on my Scorpio ascendant.
1 degree 4th House Mars Gemini and 20 degrees 7th House Virgo Venus. What can I say – I show my love/devotion by keeping an organized home and busy social calendar! Boring. What’s impacted me in relationships is my natal Mars squaring my 3 degrees 7th House Virgo Pluto. When an intense relationship ends, it’s tough for me to let go. But I’m learning.
It’s funny to read something that I posted a few years ago; it’s like a diary entry! I should have also added that my 7H Virgo Venus squares my 10/11H Sagittarius Saturn. Kill joy!
Mars in Sag on the midheaven.
Venus in Aquarius smack dab on the ascendant.
I am noticeably pretty, even now past 60, but I am cool. I have had little success with relationships with men. The best one was a fire sign in love with himself. It flattered him that I was so beautiful that all his friends remarked upon it. We are still friends after 40 years; his wife is close to me astrologically and I like her a lot. But she is very plain!
Other men over the years have found me to be challenging. I suppose that makes sense. When I was younger, I cared more about being alone or the perception of society of me being alone. But when I am completely honest with myself, I am happier and more content that way. I have strong preferences about how to live my life, and it’s just simpler to do what I want to do, alone. I have female friends who talk about their envy of my independence — my willingness to travel, eat, go to the movies(!) alone–and to me it is supremely odd that they wouldn’t rather do those things alone!
I will say that with an 11th house sun and Aquarius rising I have amazing friendships! And I have strong family ties.
CK – I, too, am an Aquarius Rising with a Sagittarius Saturn. I enjoy my own company and I come across as pretty independent. I am also blessed with a core group of older, like-minded friends (11H Saturn).
I actually think sex drive and libido is a Mars thing. I think pheremones are a Mars thing too, so I think it’s more of a Mars phenomenon, to have the opposite sex all over you. Venus attracts and seduces, but I think Venus is more how we relate to other people in relationships, more cerebral, whereas Mars is animal insinct, sex drive, passion.
I have Mars in aspect to my Ascendant, and my 7th ruler, Uranus in apsect to Mars and my Asc in a grand trine pattern. I attract men super easily. My Venus is not aspecting my Mars. Unless you count 11 degrees as a conjunction. And yes,I attract them much more easily when I’m single and it can get to be too much.
Venus/Mars tightly conj in Leo in the 6th. When I exercise those easy Venus traits I attract but when Mars takes over I have to tone down my interest in fear of scaring them off! A Gem Sun with a Pisces Asc and Sag Moon too aggressive? I find this hilarious and entertaining.
Always apparently available in spades, and sometimes with significant pressure applied, but nothing there when probed a little deeper.
Venus- Pluto?
I don’t know how Mars relates to this. Mars relates up to Uranus.
My venus 22cap is currently transited by Pluto.Then I meet this guy in a social network (different age, country, religion) whose mars conjuncts my antivertex/Venus, opposes my vertex/his own moon.In the composite is venus sextile mars but MARS SQUARE PLUTO.It started very steamy at the end of February and now I’m pulling away.Of course, he’s a plutonian, Aries sun,Cancer moon,Scorpio asc. with all the classical -isms they attach to Scorpio.Not for me, double sag, don’t tie me up,don’t fence me in.But the initial attraction was magnetic.
Must say the relationship never got outside the limits of that social network