This topic truly is scary.
I had not realized how vast the culture of victimization was. Rethinking modern religious tenets, or groups with specific qualifications came to mind. Not all are guilty, nor wrong & are helpful.
I recalled a lecture from an older Richard Alpert/Ram Dass that spoke about victimization, (which is so poignant because his of Hebrew origin and one major tenet within their culture is that their people were wrongly treated & God took favor to them, giving them the Torah and ability to redeem the universe):
"This is a culture that feeds on victimization, and it is making you ineffectual as a human being, and I don't think it is interesting enough to be a victim: of the government, of your parents, of your economic status, of whatever it is. It's jut not interesting enough, and that's fierce. And what we have formed is many groups around shared victimization, and I think they are very helpful at a certain stage, but graduate, really....graduate".
Thoughts?
I find this topic very apropos. Many are stuck within this cycle, operating from a place of pain, the cold pricklies, or what have you. Projecting the idea of oneself into the present in an attempt to coerce others to agree with the projection and play along, reliving habits formed around trauma.
We all adopt roles, but if the role is stuck in some past event that isn't representing the current moment and status, then I cannot play along.
I has taken me years to figure out my self-sabotaging ways.
@darkaquarian I was gonna bring up the identification with victimhood up but..I don’t know it’s seemed to trigger people when I’ve brought it up in the past.
I’m glad you and Elsa did though lol because I totally agree. I don’t personally think one is a true adult until one can take full responsibility for ones life. I’m not talking about blame, but responsibility, which is DIRECTLY related to empowerment and freedom. That connection between the two has been rolling around in my head for a few years now.
I think too about the resistance in our culture to letting go of victimhood. It’s of course, multilayered and multifaceted, but it comes down to the things we exalt and reward.
I think too, just in response to some of the rebuttals Ive heard in the past about this and the ways in which people will (often violently) defend their victimhood, is that first of all you’re selling yourself short if all you want to be is a victim. And second of all, it doesn’t mean suppression of emotions or lack of compassion. It’s about taking responsibility for the emotions. It’s not about blame-it’s about responsibility. I’m not to blame for the trauma I endured but I am responsible for healing it
I’m glad you and Elsa did though lol because I totally agree. I don’t personally think one is a true adult until one can take full responsibility for ones life.
I want to clarify this.
Things happen to people that they are not responsible for. BAD things. They did nothing to cause the bad thing to happen.
When something like this happens to you it's easy to see how you would feel like a victim. In many cases, you ARE a victim. Child rape for example. But other things happen too. Your child dies. Your mother dies, then your father, then your sister, all in a year.
These are real things that happen to a person where they're not at fault... it just hurts so fucking bad, you feel... punished. Life is punishing, God is punishing, you're a victim.
All I am saying up there, is this happened to me and it led me to a state where I was deeply bitter... resentful. Like motherfucker - have I not been hit by enough speeding bullets? Look at X. He/She is not hit... (a total delusion).
So this does not have to do with responsibility outside of the fact that once I had identified what was kicking my ass so bad, I had to figure out how to stop. By then I was good and lost so it was a chore. Like when you see you're on the wrong path, you have to get on the right one but God will help you and send agents to help you as well.
@elsa Ya, that’s what I thought you meant and what I meant too. If you wanna be happy and not bitter it’s up to you. I’m not saying it’s as simple as that either, just deciding (although I think it can start with that?). The event may be out of our hands but our reaction to that event seems to be within our power. Ive seen it in people that have transmuted difficult experiences of being in a powerless position, hurt etc. I do feel that something that is within our power, like our reaction is our responsibility.
When l was in school, so many years ago, l absolutely loved my literature classes. I especially loved the depth of emotion that was conveyed through the power of words. There was a poem we learned that has haunted me for decades and lt has to do with this subject. I mean, I think it applies at least.
IN THE DESERT
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial
who, squatting upon the ground,
held his heart in his hands,
and ate of it.
I said, "is it good my friend?"
"It is bitter, bitter," he answered;
"But l like it
because it is bitter,
and because it is my heart"
-Stephen Crane
@ln I feel like you posted this years ago? It obviously struck me because I remember it. It’s haunting.
I use to be, but not anymore. What is the point? There are so many people out there in need of love, kindness, and support. Why should I waste my life feeling sorry for myself. I t won't change anything.
@klara So true. What’s that saying? It’s like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.
Yes, I'm definitely bitter. When you realize that you can't help yourself no matter what. It makes me bitter. Very bitter.
I hate that I can't get a job to support myself specially as there are no one else to help me! Very stressful so I get bitter and angry. ? ? ?
Being bitter is a waste of time and energy in my opinion. Move on and enjoy your life!