I feel I've been straddling two worlds for quite some time. I tried to exit the matrix, but I still have one foot stuck in it. I've been thinking very carefully about how to take my next step. I have a Taurus sun in my 11th house, inconjunct Uranus. I have a strong need for stability combined with the constant urge to shake things up... and t. Uranus is coming for me!
I think it’s more like I have to be in the world, but not of it. I had a lot of anger about this for a while, I hated my dependence on the matrix, but there’s really no escaping it, except in terms of mentality and awareness (which are no small things). Even if I owned land outright, I would still have to pay tributes to the state. Where is freedom here?
Unlike most humans, wild animals, birds, fish, etc. appear to have freedom. But every moment of their lives is spent seeking sustenance and evading predators. Does anyone really have freedom?
@warped There’s a difference between bound by the laws of nature and being bound by the laws of man. I’ve thought about this, extensively. Maybe the better term to be used would be rights (negative rights technically, which are different than entitlements) when speaking about this. Birds have rights, so do we, but ours are not being honored. That’s the difference- it’s a big one.
Humans are not honoring the rights of other humans. We pay land owner related fees ostensibly to provide police, fire, school, water, sewer services. Predators don't honor the rights of other animals, birds, etc. who must defend their burrows, nests, eggs, offspring, food every day. There was a time (and still is in some places) when humans did the same every day.
@warped I believe that's the essence of freedom! Freedom from choice! Makes me think of my favorite short story, "Living like Weasels," by Annie Dillard.
Just found it and read it -- beautifully written.
Freedom from choice. A rare and extraordinary mindless state of flow, in a positive context. Could be not so pleasant if negative situation though. Carried too far it becomes the nanny state, transhumanism, "you will own nothing..."
"Could two live that way, under the wild rose?" If only!
@warped Sure, context is important. Another, possibly more humanist way, to look at it, is freedom in commitment.
@elsa Yeah! I learned a lot about the topic, from you, here on this blog. Your insight definitely changed my life. Made me get serious about partnering. It's also a strong theme in Dillard's short story. I just love it. Is it Saturn Jupiter energy? Feels biblical to me. Like a tale as old as time.
@cocopeaches : This view of freedom as 'freedom from choice' is interesting! A weasel must eat, so it eats. A weasel must survive attack, so it acts in self-defense. But... do you think for a moment it's possible a weasel finds enjoyment in making a clean kill, or surviving an eagle's attack? If yes, then the essence of freedom is exercising one's own genius!
Great short story, btw.
@aquarius-lurker The enjoyment that I see my husband, brother, father, *and nephew, all find in the act of fishing (or hunting), is something to behold.
@cocopeaches : yes my one friend and a handful of family who are outdoors type really love hunting and fishing! It's spiritual almost. One coworker I had hated the rabbits squealing so he quit. So he said.
I had a friend who got a BB gun for Christmas when he was 12 or 13. First time out he shot a bird. He was immediately overwhelmed with horror and regret for what he had done, so scarred by it that he would never use the gun again.
@warped : I guess to hunt, you need the stomach for it. OR you need to have killed intentionally, to eat for example; not kill gratuitously. I don't know, I'm just trying to imagine.
@aquarius-lurker I like fishing and hunting too. But it's nothing compared to the males in my family. They are truly obsessed! Like there must be a large region of their brains entirely designated for such endeavors, and it seems to be inherited. We are almost exclusively catch and release fishermen (unless we're in a situation where it's more appropriate to keep and eat the fish). My husband does this for a living, as a fly-fishing guide. That's how I met him. Then he taught me how to hunt for whitetail deer. We prefer eating venison more than anything we can buy. And he cares about those deer more than any vegetarian could ever comprehend. He knows their lives intimately. What they eat, where they sleep, when they move, the size of their body, the shape of their antlers, and on and on, over generations. He prefers to hunt his home land. He can't stand shooting does, because they usually have fawns. It's not so sad to kill a buck, because they are basically rapists. I've shot one with my cross bow and I hope to do it again.
Wow @cocopeaches ! As the kids like to say, you are totally bad-ass! I think humans hunting deer is part of nature's cycle. We are animals too, no?
@aquarius-lurker LOL thanks! And yes, it feels very natural to take part in it, and sacred. All the BS distractions fall off the page, and we become enthralled by something greater than ourselves.
Bucks as rapists makes me wonder: Is there's any species, other than "civilized" humans and their domesticated animals, for which propagation is Not accomplished by rape?
@warped There are a hand full of species that mate for life. I saw a pair of sandhill cranes the other day, and they were truly a stunning couple. Some species have males more involved with raising the young. Like the chickadees nesting in a birdhouse in my backyard - I have seen the male bringing worms to the female sitting inside with *their offspring. There's a lot of courtship in the bird world. Mammals, not so much. I have heard foxes doing their mating call, known as a vixen scream which is quite terrifying. We hunt for bucks during their mating season, known as the rut, because they act stupid when they are chasing females.
Yes, of course, sandhill cranes here too, and swans mate for life, and several other varieties of mammals and birds. And the males of many species participate in nesting, guarding, and feeding the young. In many species the female is courted by many males until she makes her choice, and they remain exclusive for at least the season or for many seasons. The mating instinct is obeyed, but those long term couples also have strong bonds of companionship.
I wasn't dissing the "bucks as rapists," I was just amused by the parallels and contrasts to their human counterparts. We have everything from hit and run absent fathers (bucks!), to stay at home dads. And we've embellished the entire mating game into everything from the loftiest timeless art form of courtly love, to the basest brutal depravity.
The criteria that puts humans at the top of the evolutionary chart is faulty!
I love that story too. Well I love everything she wrote. She heightened my awareness of so many things but this was what I carry now:
"The answer must be, I think, that beauty and grace are performed whether or not we will or sense them. The least we can do is try to be there"
Pay attention.
I'm beginning to better figure this out. I let the news spin by without becoming involved in it at all. In fact, I don't let anything reported, "move me", so much as one inch. I reserve that connection for real people with real stories.
I've been at this awhile and the screen has become repulsive, often times. Not all the time, but more and more.
Check X?
Why bother?
Really nothing gets done or it gets done then undone. I've learned to be bored by the various narratives.
When I sit in front of a computer these days, I want to be working productively or being creative in some way. Writing posts or email consultations. Looking for a source to buy a new bathroom faucet. Paying a bill.
I initially forced myself to try to see the machine as a tool only. Not a way to kill time. It was a challenge at first but new habits have taken hold.
I have not got this figured out but I'm definitely headed in that direction. I imagine the next steps to show themselves so I have my eye on the horizon as always.
I do know I won't go back. I can see these liars now. I am through the shock and the grief. They no longer hold my attention and it's freed up a lot of time and head space. It's just in the few weeks, I really think I have broken some major cords connecting me.
@elsa I had a "last straw" moment with my habitual online news feed a few days ago, after a particularly ridiculous preaching advice article. Decidedly to immediately quit this habit as it adds nothing to my life and only takes away from it. I feel the instinct to check when it comes on but can easily remember I'll get nothing from it, so it should stop soon.