Kr, yes I had to take care of my brother too. Capricorn Rising and Capricorn Venus. I took on the responsiblities of our home. I too, had to help my mothers emotional problems as well. Its hard, but if I didn't life would have been worse.

I left home 3 months after I turned 17. It was the best thing for me.

How this effected me, I can't trust people easily and I'm always trying to please people, even when I think its wrong.

Esther, I haven't read that book. I might though. But I think, I have changed alot of my mothers ways in raising my daughter. Because she is so much happier than me, when I was her age.

I can relate so much to what everyone is saying. I'm too worked up to add much now about my childhood, but it was textbook bad. I don't talk to my mom anymore, it's been about 4 years. I wish I had done it as a teen. I did leave home at 14 though. In the middle of a huge ongoing fight with brother about me not speaking to my mom. She is just so toxic in my life. I can't manage to get ahead with her in it.
Prisoners of Childhood by alice miller was helpful to me.
I have lost many people because of not talking to her, but at least I can be my own person now.

Omie I have read that book and it resonated deeply. Esther I will also see if the book you mentioned is at my library. (((everybody))))

I am really grateful you lovely people have answered. It's a difficult topic because it's hard to name and usually is one's assignation of traits over another person's, which makes it all the more tricky.

However I trust my therapist and I trust my experience. I KNOW my mother is a narcissist.
Before I went to therapy nothing in my childhood made sense. It is so deeply entrenched in me via criticism that I am messed up and have no family values or drive because I left home too early (16). I internalize criticism (Cap Moon). So even if intellectually I know it's wrong, in my heart I know it's wrong, it leaves an imprint. I am comfortable with the emotional work I've done, I trust my process, I trust myself. This is best case scenario I think.

My homework this week has been to think of what my sibling's are missing in their lives. Because in fact it is an enormous challenge for children to be raised by a narcissistic parent and to deny this is pointless. I have tried over the years to not talk to my siblings about our childhood because it hurts so much but it keeps coming up. I have someone to talk to, which really helps. (I have Moon/Pluto square and now the transit by conjunction).

I'm the youngest of 4. Mercury (siblings) rules my 7th House Cancer, so this is a good exercise. We grew up in a 'divide and conquer' household so it's always good for me to think of my siblings in a more empathetic light.
We are all quite different.

3 siblings have Pluto/Moon; the 4th sibling has Pluto-ruled 4th House.

Thanks for posting--I appreciate feeling supported and understood here.

My mother has little Leo but Pluto/ASC and Mercury/BML in Pisces/8th, opposing Neptune. There are generations of trauma as well as daughters on my mother's side. I hope to break the cycle.

These children are raised to be who their parents want them to be.

Definitely. I believe I was raised by a narcissistic woman, my adoptive mother. I've written about her quite a bit on here; she was either pychopathic or a narcissist - hard for a layman to decide, but definitely very distrubed and abnormal. And very destructive.

My sister was the conventional one who was able to bend herself to Ma's will and fit in - I was the rebellious one, always my own person; and we were consequently treated very differently. My Sis was always loved and favooured, but found it extremely hard to break away. I left home asap...

In the end, my sister (also adopted) was much more damaged than me in some ways, though that didin't play out in her life so much - she made a good and happy marriage and had two kids. But she's shut herself off from everyone and I mean everyone except her immediate *own* family - I was the only 'outsider' she was in touch with and she had a sort of emotional collapse when Ma died and amputated me too. Her emotions are truly fucked up, and her life incredibly narrow for all her money.

I could write a book on this and maybe will one day lol

Ma's chart (no tob) and btw she has Pholus excactly conjunct Venus in Scorp, and Taurus BML exactly opposite her Mars/Merc in Scorp! Juno in Leo haha, and Vesta in Gemini... But that Saturn/Pluto exact in Cancer, you couldn't invent it...

I always wonder what the role of the father was, when reading stories like these....

Do people around have a father in the family? How do you guys see him? Do you consider him a strong personality?