Some people are really better off not talking to their parents. I really believe that. Bad stories aren't just make-believe tales you read in the paper. They really happen. That is someone's life. That is a person, with a heart and a soul and a desire to love and be loved. I do have friends who have had it far far worse than me.

I really feel like until I grow more comfortable with this, I won't ever want to be a mother. So all of this is a good, healthy pursuit--thinking about it and figuring it out, how I feel etc. I am still ambivalent about having children but I think if I decide to I will be a better parent because of the therapy I've had.

Kashmiri I bet you would be an amazing mom, when or if you are ready and want to.

It has been very healing for me to have kids and be a good mother.

I was saying to my brother last night 'If my children ever decide they don't want me in their lives, I will have earned it!'

It's not easy to not have a mother or father in my life. Everyone starts out wanting to love their parents and look up to them...

He just thinks I'm selfish, that's one of the pieces of ammo that is always used "your so selfish" so then I do what they want because I don't want to be selfish... it's funny but it makes me cry.

@omie, yeah, that's great ammo, calling you selfish. That way he gets you right where he wants you.

Maybe it makes you cry because you know it's a lie. That's another thing: children of narcissists are often told they are selfish when they are just trying to survive with their ego in tact. I heard the same.
I was selfish and had no family values. In fact I care deeply about my family and the structure of the family as it applies to society, too. I have family values! I am not selfish, either. I just want a voice. That's healthy!
Maybe having the same childhood, he sees assertion of self as selfish. I'm sorry it is so strained between you two! I have found with my two oldest sisters it's just best to not talk about it. There is no reasoning. We all have our own unique pain (which brings me back to the homework I was asked to do).

Hi all,

I am well aware of the DSM-IV description of narcissistic personality disorder....but this author explains the disorder in great detail on his videos....and in his book. I found this author, who wrote the book "Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisted" by Sam Vaknin...and this series of videos on You Tube very informative and helpful to the layperson. He describe the narcissistic personality disordered person, their behaviors, the frequent dynamics they use to engage others, etc.. very informative...here's one link:

You can find the others on same link....

Serenity

Thanks Serenity, I will definitely take a look. Knowledge is empowering.