I would also like to add, that many narcissists are high functioning, often are found in positions of power and are frequently very personable and outgoing. hey many have many acquaintances but few have any real friends...the author Alice Miller has written some excellent books about the children of Narcissistic parents....such as "The Drama of the Gifted Child" et al...here is another link to her well known works on abused children...

http://www.alice-miller.com/books_en.php

xoxoxo Serenity

Esther, you asked about fathers -- I think I was saved by my father (Pisces) and his father (Taurus). My father lent compassion and deep understanding and his father intense stability. I was also very close to my mother's mother (Cap) and her two Aqua younger sisters. I consider myself one of the lucky ones, in that although I did not have a loving mother, I had enough stability to know that the way she treated me was not normal.

I still had to work out a ton of stuff, though! Primarily my mother was totally secretive about the way she treated me badly (hello, Scorpio stellium) and her public facade was all smiles and bravado (Leo stellium).

Absolutely true Kashmiri,

When abused children become adults, those scars don't disappear, they are hidden but still active. They are triggered, unless one is able to heal and understand the reasons they developed the protective patterns that they did.

These patterns are often unconcious and no longer serve any good purpose but until they can be identified, unearthed, and healed, they will continue to operate at that unconscious level.

Therapy is not always successful,(because of the current climate of managed care and time limited treatment) but bibliotherapy is often very helpful if one is able to understand and assimilate what they read....Alice Miller is by far one of the best known authors and advocates for children abused and/or neglected (both just as destructive) by narcissistic parent (s).

xoxoxo Serenity

Thanks Serenity. I have read a few of her books now and will read more. She has helped so many people--I wonder what her chart is?
I am lucky in that I found a great therapist through my university and the therapy is free. I have been going once a week for about 14 months now. He's older (retirement age) and spent years working in all kinds of environments, including the family court system.

I like to think God hooked us up.:) Neptune in 12th, me. Stranger things have happened!

I think it makes me cry because. I just want to be able to love him, and he won't let any of this stuff rest. I don't need to be right. I just want him to be kind or leave me alone.He pushes me so hard. sigh..

@KR- Another Personality Disorder, frequently diagnosed along with narcissistic personality disorder is Borderline Personality Disorder, often called BPD.

It is just as damaging and is frequently the underlying cause of the child/adult's maladaptive behaviors....BPD is much harder to spot, because they are often very good at hiding it and only display the malignant tendencies towards those that they are involved with in a close intimate relationship....they are often high functioning, can hide their disorder when needing to function as in a job, social setting etc.

The effects of living with a parent that has either of these (and a few other Personality Disorders) are devastating and have life long effects. KR, you were very lucky to have stabilizing influences in your life and your own high level of insight, but as you said, there are still frequently issues w/self image, self worth, and the ability to accurately assess your own thinking...

Serenity