This is such a difficult topic. I don't pesonally know someone, but I know of someone , and I am pretty convinced the sex was consentual. It was between boss- employee. I feel gulilty of this , but I don't belive the girl. She is scetchy, well used ( offensive , but true) A friend of a friend. I ordered my friend to stop hanging with her after she spiked my friends drink ,as a favor to some guys. She won the trial , I think .

I have never been so pissed as when my aunt started claiming that her ex raped her. He cheated and she was devastated, and then she had a hard time getting compancated for the money she had left in his house the 10 years they cohabitated. Regardless it came out of the blue , and she was like " I could charge him for rape"...Eh NO ...being passive in bed vs being raped ...difference. You loved him 2 sec ago , before you knew he cheated. I belive you this much:

I would never believe those 'consensual sex gone wrong' and 'date rape' stories without both DNA evidence and evidence of force - severe bruising etc. If you get as far as the bedroom with a man and esp if you are in bed with him, it ain't rape unless pretty severe force is used. It's too easy for any woman to accuse a man of rape, and it ALWAYS makes the [local] papers.

(And yes I have been there, two or three times - typically those early morning things when you no longer feel like it, having sobered up, and he does... or you get home with your man, or your quasi-ex comes round, you have a blazing row, he refuses to leave, you leave him to sleep on the sofa...)

Rape by a stranger which might involve a knife etc, certainly threat of or actual violence, is totally different. Rape in marriage in the old days was pretty frequent, though, and I believe still is in some cultures and sectors of society- it;s tricky when you are stuck in a domestic situation with a violent man, but that's not what we're talking about here

I believe we had a form of this discussion when Julian Assange was indicted by tthe Swedes!

I think you can get raped allthough you chose to go home with someone, but offcourse you should stay sober enough to give a good impression of your intent. I absolutely think if you don't , you can get stuck in a situation where neighter are right. You felt raped, he tought you where into it. It has to be devastating too getting accused for rape when you though it was concentual. It has to mess with your head.

I don't think that girls who dring or dress scarscely provokes rape, but one has to be realistic. My first date told me he raped someone, sober , she never pressed charges. I don't want girls to feel treathened so much that they don't report rapes...but I also think one really has to learn what it means to accuse someone of this. In some cases , alot of girls ...trying to stay innocent , paints the other black instead of taking responsibility of their own actions. And they get away with it, because of how we paint men as savages.

You guys are talking about so called "gray rape". I've written about that before. I have also stated plainly, if I were a man with any kind of resources, I'd pretty much be having women sign a consent before I got in bed with them because I just have that much shadow about me.

Now I am talking about female psychopaths which is another subject people don't delve into very often.

i don't think a man falsely accused can ever get beyond it. tainted. forever. and i think to falsely accuse a man of rape is just as bad as raping. because it is, also, rape.

if that made any sense.

in my own head rape is this: if i say get the fuck away from me and you take me anyway... that's rape. if you attack me on the street and take me against my will... that's rape.

all the other stuff... i guess the grey areas... pfft. makes no sense to me.

@HadesMoon - I was a victim of "non-rape" by freshman year while at a club. I do accept the responsibility of getting drunk (hence why I only drink within my limit)... But the fact that I was unconscious and woke up in a strange place dizzy and bleeding down there and started puking as I was looking for my clothes.... I know I never consciously said "yes". It didn't make it hurt any less. I still cannot say whether it was a drug or not, because I just don't know. I never got a hangover except that time, even though I drank more than that previously.

Yes it's "gray". I didn't report it and I've never told my parents or anyone about it.

It kind of made me sad to know that my friends didn't care about me enough to look for me though. Needless to say, I didn't hang out with them very much anymore. Because if it had been one of them I would have been calling all night.