bump for a client.
@Mina - I read Sex at Dawn too! It's fascinating!
I agree it's a taboo subject. Same thing with heterosexual men having fantasies involving other men and being afraid it means they're gay.
Whether man or woman, people have base level sex drive that then gets affected by environmental factors (stress, life changes like raising a young child, diet, medication, etc)
I think couples who don't match on a basic sex-drive level suffer in silence greatly. My last relationship (6 years) was just like this and I felt like I was slowly dying.
We hear so little, because we are afraid?
Answer is : complicated. The easiest to find and fix is if there is a hormonal or blood flow problem. What I have heard (in med school no less) is to put a circle of postage stamps around the problem in the evening, and in the morning, when you wake up, if the postage stamps have separated, the hormones and blood flow are working. In other words, what happens in your dreams could be happening in real life if said brain did not get in the way. If not, see your doctor, find out if it is hormones, meds (or alcohol) or blood flow (diabetes), etc.
My hubby's urologist told him " Guys who don't think much with their (upper) heads never seem to have a problem with their minds getting in the way.
At that time, we had two babies, lots of work pressures, all my hormones were going to my mammary glands, which were now the feeding trough for the babies. A lot of fatigue, a little misplaced anger and resentment all contributed, but I think the main problem was fatigue. Personally, if I have a frustration/anger/unmet need issue with hubby, it may last a while, but then I meditate, ask to be surrounded by the light of love and protection, and that nothing remain , and nothing penetrate (sic) but divine love, that stupid frustration/anger/unmet need seems to dissolve, like it was my issues and not his.
As a female, do not accept the "lack of desire" issue as yours. Hubby tried that, did not work very well, could have been a REAL problem. It is in his brain, not yours. I am not sure how that part actually resolved, it was just time, and rest, and not having more kids? This may need a better counsellor than me.
Other causes could be pain, fear of heart attack or stress. There are some great physical therapists who can help with these issues if you ask.
I've had this experience with a Leo I was dating. For some reason, he didn't want sex at all.
In tasteless 17-year old Sadge fashion, I sat him down and "tried to get to the bottom of this" (no pun intended):
"Are you attracted to me?"
- Of course! You're hot! 😀
"Are you religious?"
- Hell no, it's all fairy tales.
"So what's the deal with you not wanting sex?"
- ...uh well. It's not like I'm against it, you know, it's just...*hem haw*
"Do you have AIDS?"
- Excuse me??
"Are you gay?"
- O_O. NO, I am NOT, thank you...
"You sure? Cause it's OK if you are, this is the SF Gay Area.
- Erika, come on!!
"what about genital warts?"
- WTF? NO! I ain't nasty!
"Do you got performance issues?"
- .......*buries face in hands*
.
Yeah, I never did find out what his reason was.
Haha! That's funny. You're joking, right?
@Nelly
Well, it wasn't quite so rapid fire/interrogation...but I did ask him all those questions, lol...
Give me a break I was 17! =P