Oh, I get it, that the same steps are used for the families as well, you said that before but I could not find mention of that on the AA site so I assumed I had misread. The family's first step is also admitting powerlessness?

I think the facts of my fathers life and his passing have effected me more than I realised. His particular brand of self destructiveness was aggressively toxic, his mistake, I think, is that he was too idealistic around women and could not maintain the fight after having entered 'battle'. It was so completely unspoken, and I don't know whether my worries for my current friend I talked about... apparently out of nowhere, are genuinely perceptive or overly informed by these events.

The thing is with this friend (the potential alcoholic I will refer to as friend 'A') is that another friend of mine, who is a little 'uncaring' and not overly sympathetic to others in general (friend 'B'), tried to visit friend A and was really offput by his drunkness. What usually happens with me is I just don't see friend A because I would never keep calling and turn up at someones house etc. he just tells me, almost every time, he is hung over and can't make an arrangement. So it's like if you actually catch him on his personal time the situation is worse... 30 years old this is!

How to save a life song meanings... This is one of the responses [link]:

Although I disapprove of what he was doing I felt that the best way to still be an influence in his life was to just let him know I disapproved but still treat him and his girlfriend as if they were my best friends…. Well the drugs thing broke my heart and we had to have a painful conversation 3 days ago.
I haven’t cried in over 20 years but since that conversation with my son every time I hear this song I cannot stop the tears from sliding down the side of my cheek… The worst part is He plays guitar and used to sing this song when he lived with us and I never understood the words or even paid attention to them..

Libra Noir said

Im actually in AA and alanon is for family of alcoholics. Same steps though.   

Secondphoenix, I think your takeaway has to be: everyone else are themselves, and, you are you.  Uniquely, you.  

And, if you really want to understand deeper your reactions to your relative, then, an AlAnon group, near where you live, might well be helpful.  (By the way, this is, technically, a kind of grief work: grief that this was other than you wanted... your relationship with him.)  Much love, hey?

Hey, I don't know if bringing this back up will give any new responses. Sorry if it's just me monologuing.

I did actually try contacting the local Alcoholics Anonymous but they were not doing anything with family members. I think that aspect of it is fine. I think I can get a good tune going about my dad and things will be all good. I actually previously wrote one, although I think I lost it.

I met up with this friend I am worried about and, more alcoholic behaviours were confirmed but it's still... subtle. When talking with another friend about this there is definitely an effort to not address the situation because people, extrovert types, enjoy drinking etc. with him.

I did NOT address the situation with him, partially believing his carefully crafted excuse and realising the group he hangs around with are all like that. So I have little chance of influencing him. It's just life I suppose at the moment.

@The secondphoenix - Depending on the personality of the drinker (or other abuser), sometimes addressing the problem with them will just make it more uncomfortable between you, or even cut off the relation.

People try to "save" others, but it can be a very frustrating experience.

@Poppy says: "By the way, this is, technically, a kind of grief work: grief that this was other than you wanted..." SO TRUE!

My mother was an alcoholic for a long time (and courageously quit, thanks to AA), but the traces it leaves in the relationship are difficult to integrate.

That is something with which I strongly disagree. It can't cause any harm.