My mother died when I was 30 but some level I feel I grew up without one. I just lived with a woman who would have been so joyful had I only been someone else. 

My scorpio moon is in the eleventh house and opposes my mother's Taurus sun and moon. We don't really relate:) I've found that if I keep it light she seems a lot more comfortable with me. She's not open to hearing my innermost stuff. She shows love through money. I didnt realize that until adulthood. Shes betrayed me a few times. It's taken me a long time to accept her for who she is. She's an alcoholic. Has been drinking heavily for most of my life. Detaching from all of that has been challenging, but not as hard as living in that misery cycle with her. Now I just have my own misery cycle to deal with:) Our relationship is better than its been since I was eight or so. It might not seem great to an outsider. It's not perfect but I'm still grateful. I'm hoping that my son will give me the same compassion and loyalty that I'm giving her. And I hope she knows that I appreciate her. 

ScottishFoldSoul, just now, reading that, I thought, "Maybe. Maybe not. (Someone who gets a kick out of hating... could be, she'd have been hateful to whomever was there. Seems more likely to me.)

Consider this. If it wasn't personal - which is awful in itself - if she'd have behaved as reprehensibly to anyone close enough for her to scapegoat - then nothing you could have done, or "been" wouldn't have changed how she gave herself to acting to you. In fact, I suspect that at various times, you did accomodate yourself to her, many different ways. Also, unless she was truly heartless (i.e. faking toward other people) there's a possibility that in some small, walled off corner of her heart, that she was grateful you were there... Some people (I don't know why) don't say so, unless speaking to someone outside their sphere. Some, not even then.

I'm so sorry. Warm wishes to you for nurturing, caring people along your path in this new year. You know, walking in the park, taking time to explore the vegetables that inspire your senses in the market or produce store... places where it's normal that people smile at people they haven't met before, because happy to be enjoying the surroundings - wherever those are for you.

Poppy, that's the greatest mindfuck of all. My mother did love me. But she was disgusted with and hated me too. It wasn't one or the other, it was both. And no matter how much work I put into healing, my brain is still scrambled and damaged in a way I don't think can be completely repaired, only adapted to. All anyone can do is the best they can. 

I do take pleasure wherever I can find it, and I love nature and vegetables.

Thank you for your kind reply. 

I like what Allie said about it possibly being how you perceive your mother. How else do you explain several people having the same mom and all see her in a different light. 

I have an Aquarius moon In the 11th house. I love my mom. She's a Pisces with a Scorpio moon and she is selfless and supportive almost to a fault. We are so different and the teenage years we're rough but I get it now that I'm a mom myself. She's awesome. 

My Older son has a Scorpio moon In the 10th house and no matter how hard I try I'm never a good enough mom. 

allie120 said
I think your moon can be how you perceive your mother (primary caretaker). I have Virgo moon in the first. I always felt my mother was so very critical of me. She was always correcting me, she would hover and comment when I cooked or baked, cleaned my room. I often believed the same things she did, because I thought I was supposed to and that she would like me. 

This was my perception and reaction to her. I had to grow apart from that to see that her Cancer moon just wanted to nurture and pass on the things she knew. 

What's interesting is that she has Pluto conjunct her ascendant. I am moon Pluto conjunct. My brother has an 8th house moon. 

I think the most important thing is to acknowledge that it could be how you perceived her and not be bound to it (if it's hurting you as an adult). I have moved past most of it, although not all. Not sure if maybe that is my own Pluto...so I'm not done yet ?  

I relate to this, and I'm sure the fact that we both have Moon-Pluto aspects (mine is opposite) has a lot to do with it.

Growing up, I felt responsible for my mother's unlived parts of her life. She is above-average neurotic. We have a great relationship now, but moving far away for decades before returning home was key in being able to relate as a separate being vs. a psychological tool for her.

Interestingly, there seems to be a Mars-Pluto signature: she has Mars square Pluto, I have Moon in Aries opposite Pluto.