See.... you're just sitting around one night on the 25th of November 2015 at 6:30 pm and have no idea that you are about to have a surgery that is going to completely change your life, your job and your ability to do your job. No idea that the thing that makes your money....your hands and arms....you wont be able to lift them above your head for months....

Almost two years ago I bumped another thread about tr Pluto sq sun. ^^^^ I just bumped it again.

Almost two years  later.... I am starting to lose my identity. I have decided to let go of it because its too hard to hold on to.  I no longer run a thriving business in the center of town....my phone is quiet. I work, but part time....and in the basement of my house (so Pluto of me)

I have felt like dog crap (health) since 2014 but really bad since summer 2015.

I went to a real estate office tonight and signed a ton of paperwork ....there is a contract on the building I own  ....(thank you Jupiter) my little shop on the corner....my own creation. The first time in my life I ever made something out of absolutely nothing but a dream. I guess I can look over my shoulder and remember the accomplishment instead of the demise.

My dog died on October 5th and I am still gutted and walking with wobbling legs and a broken heart. I cry for her. She was my beloved best friend. My closest friend right now...and she is gone. Its so final. And I am so lonely for her. God I love that dog....not loved...I love her. I cant stand it without my girl ......its been 12 days and I have cried all 12 of them.... hard.

My sun is in the 4th house so Pluto will square my 4th house matters. You know, IT'S ENOUGH already....all these fucking (sorry) 4th house matters.

Did I mention that my mother and father are hanging on my a thread and some of God's grace. I expect I will lose them soon..... and as much as they have both driven me nuts.....and been absent when they should have been around....they are my parents. Just the people that put me on this planet. They say we choose these people. What in the world was I thinking? Was I thinking I should come down and experience great heartache over and over for years?

I expect to lose my parents. Dad is 80, mom will be soon. The other day when I looked close in my mothers eyes the whites were yellow. I told her that her liver was NOT functioning properly and as a result her kidneys were probably not filtering either. (if I can see this how ignorant is her doctor?) She listened for a minute...then got out a bottle of tequila and started drinking shots with her boyfriend and another lady that was there. I said.....seriously mother...she said, you can pull the stick out of your ass my love, I wont be alive in a year....let me enjoy myself the way that I want to. She hugged me real tight and you know what she said? You don't believe this but you have always been my favorite thing! (god love that crazy woman)  And, with that I kissed her on the head and said.....call me if you need me party girl. (from the time I was old enough to do it...I have always felt responsible for her)

I have a Pisces Dad, with a Scorpio moon and Mars ....He is old, Pluto squared his sun and he is still alive to tell the story.  My dad also has a Cancer asc. (and other Pisces and Cancer sprinkles)   But, Saturn is getting ready to square his sun soon. Its going to square my fathers sun about the same time it is in opposition to my mothers sun..... can you believe this shit? All warnings are about the cardiovascular system....he couldn't care less. He is 75 lbs over weight and eats whatever he wants. He has put himself in type 2 diabetes and takes blood pressure meds....oh...and he drinks beer every single day of his life. Lots of it.

My Mother has a 4 planet Cancer stellium. WTF? Wonder where I got all this water? Talk about a family of freaks feeling their feelings.... she's already had a heart attack with a quadruple bypass and wears a pacemaker (while doing shots of tequila) Saturn is getting ready to opp her sun (everything warns to guard your cardiovascular system) (she chain smokes) its going to get her.... and she wont listen.

My parents think I am a tight ass. They laugh and laugh. In their words they don't know how they had a 'square' a person that never breaks the law and always follows the rules. They think its the funniest thing that they created an only child that walks around telling everyone the difference in right and wrong. They laugh hard about this (couple of assholes lololol) because they have both been nothing but lawbreaker, addicts, in trouble, caused their parents so much heartache. The last time they laughed and said....our daughter wont even cross the street against the light. How did this happen? (they never had to reprimand me, I had to watch out for them)

I have tried to talk to both of them. This is what they say....we live how we want to live. We are running against the wind and time. We are going to squeeze the fun out of every minute. They said....you are no fun. (fuckers) (haha) yeah...its been a blast taking care of you two clowns!!!

Still.... I am going to miss those two pains in the ass. They were always so cool. My dad played jazz guitar and drums....my mother sang the blues... they danced and partied and didn't do one thing by any rule.... and I have spent a lot of years being pissed off at them.

I am going on Thursday to pick up my mother and take her to lunch. I am going to hug her hard. And thank her.... (she doesn't know this yet)

Then, I am going to go Friday and pick up my dad, and take him to lunch. I am going to hug him hard too. And, thank him. (he doesn't know this yet)

Then, on Monday, I am going to get in the car all alone and I am going to drive. Drive a long way....to the east coast....and as far into Florida and as close to the beach as I can.....all by myself. I am going to do some beach walking and some soul searching. I have things to figure out.

I don't know who I am anymore. Everything is so different. The little girls are out living in the world and while I love it....boy....that went in a flash. My dog is gone.... my building is probably sold...it looks pretty good. The man has good credit, 20% down, the loan is lined up and he wants it bad. He is going to put a barber shop in my little shop on the corner.... God, I am sobbing as I type this. Let it go....soup....let it go......I sure hope he is as happy and successful there as I was.

Gonna be real hard to take that sign down....I have held on to it for over a year. You know me....you have to pry shit out of my (fixed) hands. I have made payments, taxes, utilities, and insurance on that place for 14 months and not worked in it.

Here is what I do have. A partner. A good man. The kind of man that holds you up when you are sick and allows you to hang on to a building that is an extra payment out of the household for 14 months because he knows if he does one thing to take it away until he sees I am ready it would finish me off. He's a good friend. That's what I have. Now, I have to figure out who I am again. I have to figure out who I am going to be for however long I have left to be here.

You know, I have good ideas. I am not going to forget that. You never know. I may walk that beach ....let all of this GO...and come up with a new and improved Soup. I don't know what that will look like right now....but stranger things have happened and it ain't over till the fat lady sings....and freaking Jupiter hasn't had a chance to make me too fat yet Maybe I will buy a lottery ticket, or come up with a new business idea, or devote my time to the local shelter or a couple of nearby nursing homes that are filled with people who might need a "Soup" to love them. There are things I can still do. I cant lift a Saint Bernard anymore...but I have ideas.

If Pluto or Saturn doesn't kill me..... 

Soup, you write so well!!! I'm always in awe of your style.

Also just wanted to say that death can also apply to the end of situations, not only physical things.

Pluto and Saturn might not kill you, but can "kill" things that were an important part of your life.

Bereaving past moments (such as the shop you created and your work there) is understandable, but very sad and painful. Hopefully the void will make room for new soup things.

I have nothing of value to contribute here, but I did want to give you a huge (non-invasive in case you're not into them) hug Soup. ((((((((((((soup)))))))))))) 

As a Tarot enthusiast, I like to see Pluto as the Tower card. I like how, when things are built on erroneous/outdated/obsolete foundations, it crumbles and I have the opportunity to rebuild something better, more lasting, or just more appropriate for the now (although what was there was appropriate before... but we aren't there anymore.)

Also, I don't like overly precise predictions (like death, marriage, etc.). I like the idea of "pools of energy", potential. Specific potential... But since I see life as a big series of lessons... There are many ways you can learn a lesson. There are many ways you can react to one single lesson. And there are many ways the lesson can manifest. 

"The date was 6 years out…she failed to die."

Here's to failing, then.

Soup, you just can't save people that don't want to be saved.  My father was a rip-roaring drunk that did shots of whisky or vodka for breakfast.  I loved him.  He played guitar in a country band in his leisure time and was a lot of fun, but the alcohol eventually drove him mad.  I tried to save him from himself starting when I was 7 years old.  I had t. Pluto in my 12th house square my Sagittarius Sun in the 3rd house for most of my childhood.  My mom didn't drink at all but she was always depressed and had a nervous breakdown over my father's behavior.  I had to be strong when I grew up.  My childhood was not about me.

I'm glad you're accepting your parents for who they are, Soup.  They're not going to change, but I'm sure they look at you and say "we did something right".

Life is so bittersweet, isn't it?  I'm sorry you lost your business, but you're going to find a new place to be.  Hang on to your good man.

Good Grief. Talk about writing a book in the thread LOL 

Here is it, October 2021, I am still here, moved across the country, don't have much to say, and I don't give a flying rats ass anymore. If its time to go... well take me home lord. 

My ratchet ass parents couldn't be MORE alive! ? 

My mother with the Taurus stellium... I thought, oh no... Uranus is going to switch it up on her but she was out camping. My dad runs the streets in his car... 85 years old ... smh... 

I think after going through that pandemic move I just went though... nothing would surprise me and I am just too tired to give a Sh!# 

I just went back and read that long ass book I wrote. I did end up going to Florida. Took my dogs ashes with me as to spread them at the beach but she never lived on a beach so I brought her back home and I still have them. Jupiter didn't make me fat but this ignorant lock down hasn't helped. Hell, I had a worse surgery since that one... it was brutal. The one I had in Nov 2020 was hell. And, I just got off my exercise bike 30 minutes ago... so, recovered again. 

I think we just get older and no longer give a Sh$$