"The kids can't wait to get away and always feel either abondoned, voiceless, and angry."
Yes, Pixie. This is spot on!
Feeling betrayed, powerless and invisible fuels anger!
Working through the damage a narcissistic parent can cause means reclaiming your own power, imo.
This is my mother. I never had the right to be me. Which is very hard with a Sag Stellium in the 11th house. I learnt to have a double life. Mother's life and my life outside and far away.
I was lucky to have secret living angels, to stop my mother half of the stuff she wanted me to be. And then there was my daughters father, he rescued me and told me to stand up for myself.
The worst thing about my mothers misgiving nature, is that we had to apologise for everything whether she was right or wrong, and in turn we had to wait for her forgiveness, no matter how long it took.
Oh yeah, she is a mega Virgo in the first house and second house.
And to answer your question Kashmiri. What is missing for my brother is the same as what is missing for me. The ability to trust. Being able to trust your feelings are as valid and important as anyone else's. The ability to understand you don't have to spend your life living up to impossible standards. As you grow older you gain a sense of awareness that the way you were 'trained' simply doesn't work for you. But then..... how much are we able to retrain ourselves? To me, being a child of a narcissist, is like being a crack baby. Too much of that shit has gone into the blood stream.
Sunny, your mother sounds like mine -- I have never heard her apologise in my life, and neither has anyone else. She has a Scorp stellium in the 4th house and a Leo stellium in the 2nd.
My mother is not intentionally malevolent but I think she does meet the textbook definition of narcissist. I can't trust her or tell her anything because she is so self-focused that she'll use information about me or my life in a casual way for her own self-aggrandizement. And of course you can't really trust anyone who 100% guaranteed to not take any responsibility in the event of a disagreement. I left home as soon as I could.
Fwiw, I had to raise my younger brother because she was so emotionally absent. And I was also the person my father talked to about anything emotionally significant. I have Saturn in Cancer -- lots of emotional responsibility at a young age.
I wonder if anyone here has ever read Karyl McBride's book "Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers." I myself, definitely do not consider myself healed by reading this, but it has given me a tool to work with.
And for anyone needing hugs: ((((((ALL)))))