I'm suffering some pretty intense growing pains. As I've mentioned here or there; I am trying to exit this bullshit. I've made progress but I realize if I want to make more, I am going to have to upset my interactions. I note that Uranus and the full moon hit my Venus.
Anyway, I want to move further away from the fake stuff that keeps us (spell)bound. In order to do this, I have to let go and increase the space between myself and others (in my personal life, I mean), just to entertain new thoughts.
In other words, people are where they are but now I want to move "post" all this stuff so to do that, I have to *break*. I feel bad about this, but I want to reach further, so badly; it trumps my co-dependence.
I expect disruption this weekend.
What's up with you?
I've been thinking tonight about integrity. I'm starting to get more perspective on last few years and see the decisions I've made are to stay in my integrity against the onslaught of external b. s which has really messed with minds. This has led to being in some real hellish conditions which have placed me in internal conflict and confusion to a level never before experienced, because it's made me wrestle with deep self doubt against the views of group/peers and my own wishes to belong. But as I say, i'm starting to get more perspective and see that despite the utter discomfort I'll walk out of this with my integrity intact and it stems from my heart - that's how I want to live and I've fought for it and will continue to do so.
All this to say, integrity is worth the pain it takes to develop and maintain, although there's a lot of grief in doing so and a hard and fairly lonely road at times.
For me, it's a Pluto transit to the structure of my life. I face of choice of breaking loose or being held back. I want to get over that fence and find the ideas that lie over there.
@elsa I hear you. I have Pluto near Asc first house natally. It just keeps evolving you, relentlessly at the soul level. From your description the Capricorn energy is strongly at play, for me it's Libra (always breaking barriers of the "self" and "not self" ). I guess the thing to do could be to reflect on what it means to have a Capricorn identity (but also the Cancer flip side) and how you might be simultaneously desiring and resisting this radical change. I know Capricorn is quite a deep sign when it comes to exploring reality. I learnt that through David Lynch, he is Cap Sun in 8th house. He just keeps digging into time, reality, dimensions in a very shamanistic way. Unsure if you've watched his stuff? It's not what people expect of Capricorn but then when Pluto/8th is involved it really goes next level.
@sophiab thanks. I've not seen him.
After posting, I realized Uranus is also messing the structure of my life. I just can't stand these conversations, centered on talking points the media throws out there. That's the mind-killing, soul-crushing, box, right there.
I could never get into any of his films, but I really like his description of his childhood.
@elsa I'm coming out of this exact thing... almost to the other side. Mine is relationships and how I handle them. Not only how I was being held back but who did I hold back? I needed to look at both. Broke loose. What's left?
Exactly what was necessary. Both sides win. It hurt us all. But both sides win. It was an experiment in terror for me the fixed controlling person. But we learn. They are better I am better.
Now I know who is on my side. They know too. All around win. I cannot believe it and if you'd told me this 3 years ago, I would have laughed and would have said impossible.
My children have more respect for me today, and I for them as very capable adults than ever in our lives. I am so at peace with this. The love is enormous. Tears when I think about it. Communication is fluid and easy. Where there was tension and bitterness there is ease and love.
You come out on the other side with a crutch, an eye patch, some band aids but ... everyone wins. I never thought this would/could turn out this way.
@soup " You come out on the other side with a crutch, an eye patch, some band aids but ... everyone wins. I never thought this would/could turn out this way. "
This is amazing and so moving. As my chart is similar only later degrees, I take heart and am grateful for the navigation tools.
I definitely feel what each of you is saying. There is some seed to break out. A recognition that something needs to change, perspective, the boundaries of what’s in the mind now…
@allie120 Quite a large wave incoming. It will impact the rigidity of any mental fortifications we currently have active.
On a side note, I saw the headline and immediately thought of the wedding we are going to on Sunday. Our neighbors’ son is getting married late afternoon on Sunday. It seems like a good thing. They are well matched, he a Leo, she a Sagittarius, both handy, working on their house, she a welder, he a firefighter, both love ATV’ing, snowmobiling. They really are good together.
It was all about boundaries for me and continues to be. But I think I have bigger fish to fry with Pluto and Mercury atm.