19 Year-Old Asks: Am I A Lesbian? Venus Conjunct Neptune

Zodiac Bracelet

Dear Elsa,

I’m only 19 but I am pretty sure I am a lesbian – but not totally sure. You see up until two years ago I had crushes on men, and I wanted to be with them, even the ones that many girls might not find attractive. I fancied those guys. I had dreams about girls before puberty, but that was because boys were icky.

Then puberty hit and I noticed boys. And I know I had crushes on men. Before two years ago, that is. I don’t remember feeling any different, apart from the feeling of not being in with the it crowd.

Two years ago I was in a book store and I came across the lesbian Kama Sutra. I got freaked out when I was aroused – when I realized what it could mean. Since then I have wondering whether this means I am gay. Also, I have a deep fear of being hurt by men, and I convinced myself that they would hurt me and leave me or I would hurt them eventually. So what do you think?


Dear Unclear,

Are you a lesbian? I think the jury is still out on that. You are clearly attracted to women but you are the only one who can deem yourself a lesbian and there is no reason to rush to do that.

Matter of fact, you don’t have ever have to label yourself in anyway, ever. Because you are a human being first, regardless of your sexuality. So the only reason for you to ever label yourself a “lesbian” or anything else is because it empowers you. So what’s that mean?

It means you can be you. If you want to go with a woman, go with a woman. If your want to go with a man, then go with a man. If you want to go with a woman, then a woman, then another woman and then a man, do that. And at no time do you have to proclaim yourself lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual or even state that you are confused! Because what you are doing is living. You’re just living.

If you want the astrology… you have a Venus Neptune conjunction, which would suggest you could love anyone. This is why the attraction to the unattractive men, for example. So this is my advice: love whoever you want, whenever you want, however you want. And don’t bother with the name tag until and unless it serves you.

Good luck.


5 thoughts on “19 Year-Old Asks: Am I A Lesbian? Venus Conjunct Neptune”

  1. Elsa’s right — sexuality is often a very fluid thing. Take your time to explore and find what will make you happy. You also mentioned that you have a deep fear of being hurt by men — in the long run you’ll be better off if you do the work you need to do to heal those wounds and fears, that way you’ll be able to choose who and what you truly want instead of simply avoiding what you fear. There’s a big difference.

  2. Avatar
    Strawberry Fields

    Everything Elsa said… bang on!

    No need to put yourself in a box, slap a label on, and tape the box shut — ever!

    People are people, love is love, desire is desire (and yes, fear is fear).

    People change, who we love and desire changes, fears come and go.

    You’re still very, very young. Go forth and ~explore~! Live!

    You’ll sort out what makes you tick along the way.

    Enjoy the process! 🙂

  3. Avatar
    Strawberry Fields

    Marc (#1) is right too.

    You do want to make sure you don’t end up with women just because you fear men.

    If you’re gonna be with women, it has to be because you love them, not because you’re afraid of men.

    Again, take the time to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Like Elsa said, there is no rush.

    Explore, and learn in the process.

    And make it fun! It doesn’t have to be drama!! 🙂

  4. Don’t worry about it! Relax! Nothing in the world, I believe, is asking you to repress or limit yourself if you have urges toward one or the other sex. It’s perfectly okay to leave the question of your sexual orientation unanswered and let yourself stew. I think sex should not be something to worry about and you can always experiment in whatever way you bloody well feel like.

    I also worried as a child and adolescent about being a lesbian because I had a sexual attraction to women I was uncomfortable with and still have a complex about it now. This is because I am/was impressed with the idea that I should be ashamed of it. You don’t have to make excuses for yourself either way.

  5. When I started college (at 19), I was a loner with good male friends but nothing serious. I thought I could be bisexual because I admired some girls back then. It was just a phase, though.

    Oh I remember feeling some weird things for a member of my “extended” family when I was 12 but those thoughts scared me so much, I blamed them on puberty!!!

    Now I define myself as a straight but not narrow young woman 🙂

    Venus conjunct Neptune in Sag. Pretty tight orb.

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