In Astrology for the Millions Grant Lewi has a chapter on SelfDestruction: Suicide, Insanity, Psychosis and Neurosis, Dispomania, Clausterphobia, Fixations, Obsessions, Genius, Sudden Death.

"Nowhere does it become so graphic as in the Vitasphere. For here we see that all the mental abnormailities, from suicide down to the simple jitters, are linked together in the chain of of self-destruction, showing in greater or less degree. The critical planets are always found in specific sectors, in specific relationships."

Then he adds in a footnote:

"What these sectors, planets, and positions are is not sensible to specify....The planets in this study are therefore indicated by numbers and the sectors and signs by letters."

His contention is that people will look for these in their charts and would "promptly start acquiring this high-sounding scourge."

My own experience definitely pinpoints Saturn. And Neptune/Pluto/Moon. 12th house Sun. Natally, by"sector and relationship."

But Saturn and Pluto by transit.

I think that's one of the reason why I appreciate Elsa's pieces so much, and her repeating that "energy is neutral until directed." I have found it important to focus on the strength to be found, finding the jumping off points to winning a struggle, etc. If I spent too much time beyond recognising negative propensities, and wallowing just a bit, I'd be lost. That's the difference between going with some sort of dark, negative flow (and I gots plenty of dark negative flow), and living the life I want to live.

Haha. Sounds easy, right? 





Pluto conjunct moon, square sun.

I was a teen newly with a drivers license. I didn't "try", but I took the attitude when driving that if I went over the side of a very steep river bluff/cliff and died, then so be it. That would have put Saturn going through my 12H/1H conj my natal Neptune opp Saturn. And, guess what! Saturn is once again approaching this position. 🙁

I'm pretty sure that as a totally single parent of a small child, that I'm fairly immune to suicide by my hand. I just can't leave her out here alone, and given our life circumstances, alone she would be. I also just became a suicide survivor after a very close family member succeeded at this just a short 2 years ago. I won't put my parents through that again, losing another child by suicide either.

So while I know it's hard to predict the future, I'm pretty sure won't have the same reactions to this Saturn transit this time around. I suppose I could die though, will still have Uranus conj natal planets. It just wouldn't be intentional. Or I may simply wish I were dead at times. But at this point in my life I feel too committed to my commitments and won't voluntarily back down. So take that Saturn, Pluto and Uranus!

When transiting Pluto was conjunct my moon-Uranus I really wanted to do it. I planned it out. I have moon conjunct saturn and moon conjunct uranus natally so maybe that's why I've always felt a bit detached. I remember writing a letter to my family when I was 6 about how I didn't feel like I belonged and it would be better if I killed myself. I was gonna hang myself then and I don't really know why.

Mars square pluto natally 12h to 3rd h. All my problems manifest internally. Most people can't see that I'm going through or have gone through anything and my virgo rising is quite pleased with that. Im all about keeping up appearances.

Uranus transiting my 8th I feel like I get these suicidal spurts more frequently and more randomly. Maybe if I could find a good counselor they could sort out my likely bipolar tendencies (i mean hello, my moon; no sane 6yr old contemplates suicide).

Today I just feel worthless. I have a ton of cries for help and nobody pays attention because I always seem to have shit together enough. I lie to psychologists to make sure there aren't any flags on my prescriptions but it doesn't matter cuz my main doc is a quack. Seriously the woman is awful and I don't think she remembers her psych training.

Anyway, I'm afraid its gonna happen and I don't know when. I can't really talk myself out of it anymore. With transiting saturn squaring my mars and an emphasized 8th H solar return (11H saturn but 12 H scorpio) I've been wondering if this is the year i'll overdose and end up in an asylum. Idk if that would be the worst or best thing.

I'm not even feeling the worst right now but I'm tired of feeling alone. Its not gonna end any time soon or probably ever and I really don't know if its fair for people who feel like me, and have felt like me to live. The pain of isolation isn't worse than hunger or abuse and it may just continue 10 fold in the next life if I quit too early so maybe I should just suck it up.

Suicide is a polarizing topic and worse when the birthday girl brings it up so I'm not really expecting answers. If anyone has them, great, but otherwise maybe venting is enough.

Natally, exact Sun Pluto square, Saturn opp Sun, with some exact Mercury Saturn opp and Merc sq Pluto thrown in: Wanting to commit suicide was my earliest memory, at around 4yrs of age. I was aware that it was a big decision, and spent some time analyzing the pros and cons. I finally decided after a period of time that maybe I was too young and I should give life a try, but that if it did get better after I moved out of my parents home, or by the age of 18, that I would do it then.

Transiting Pluto sq Moon: At the age of 18, I revisited that deal I made with myself, and realized I was right when I was 4...that life was not worth living. I felt manipulated and controlled by my parents and was involved with my high school boyfriend, who I felt was emotionally blackmailing me with his own depression, and became so depressed itself that I could see no other way out. I made a plan, and started collecting supplies to execute, and while I was on the bus coming home, I realized I wanted a better answer. I saw a counselor that afternoon.

Other than those major events, a couple years later, an aquaintenace did commit suicide, and I realized then why its wrong. I continued to have thoughts of wanting to do it...daily for most of my life. But after that, it was never an actual option.

(((CanSagGo))) I am sorry you are going through this. If you have a plan and are ready to execute, I really do hope you get help. It sounds like you are not getting the medical care you need, and really should change doctors to start getting what you need. But no one can really help you unless you seek out that help first. If you need that help now, then do go ask for it. And, if you are lying to your friends and doctors/medical providers, then execting thwm to interprete those lies as what you actually mean, you may not get help. A less ambiguous cry for help may be: "I am having suicidal thoughts and want to stop and need help to do so"...stated to a doctor...or even a friend.

I don't know you, but I do believe you are necessary to the world, and it would be sad if you left in that way. But it also sounds like you care about people, how they feel, and how your actions affect them. If that is true, remember that committing suicide is the most selfish thing you can do.