I can't actually speak on the Saturn return because I'm still going through it and will technically be done at the end of the year.

So far I've experienced a mental health crisis, unemployment, family member death, college graduation, family member illness, and now I'm facing the prospect of homelessness. I've actually learned so far that you need to communicate with people. Don't keep important things from them and that it is okay to vent when you need to (I have a 3rd house Saturn).

I can tell you that hardships cannot be escaped but you know what? That's life for you. What someone can do is push through obstacles the best they can and when you do, the end results can turn out for the best. It's funny, my psychologist actually was impressed with my persistence, the ability to push through hardships. It's apparently something he doesn't often see from clients in his office.

I gave her the reins! She's got this. There are times she still does not know it, but she is doing fine. 

I am no longer needed. It's time for me to take care of myself, my husband and my home. Do, my work. Help my parents if they need me. And, stay out of it if they don't.

It's time for me to mind my own business now and let my children who I did the best I could with, journey on and sometimes fail, and sometimes win. They have lessons to learn without me standing around with a catchers mitt .... 

There is nothing wrong with a little failure as long as there are no little children suffering. I learned some amazing lessons from watching my parents fail. So, this will not hurt those kids. 

I remember what you told me. I may not always agree with how they are doing things but it is none of my business now. I gave them what I know. The rest is up to them. 

I am out. Of course if they need to call to ask something I am happy to answer. BUT>>>> there are even limits to that. 

Here is an example: About 3 months ago my youngest son called to complain about his wife. (I can't stand her but I guarantee you NO ONE knows this. Not even her.)

Here is the advice I gave. 

You call and put me in a terrible position talking about your wife like that. You are asking me to talk poorly of the mother of my grandchildren, and your wife that you love and decided to marry. I am asking you to always call with a legit question ....about taxes, or mortgages, or health and if I can answer you I will. And, if I can not I will locate someone that can. But please do not involve me in your marriage. The two of you will be over this bump in a week and I will have been put in the middle and used as ammunition the next time you fight. I told him that there is no perfect marriage but there is an abundance for people who stick it out. I told him  I am on his side, and telling him this should be proof of that. 

I believe I told him the right thing. At any rate, he is mad at me. And, he has been mad at me for some time. He is angered that I didn't respond and it led to a mudslide and I did not budge. He has to be an adult. And, I am not going to help him by enabling him to be anything less. If I do otherwise I am sure I would cripple that family beyond repair. I remind myself that if I were dead they would have no one and be forced to do the things I did for them anyway. 

I remind myself that while this separation is tough, that my son loves me and knows I love him. And, he will get over it. The separation is good. Better for him than me. He has no idea that right now he is getting a second education. And, his children are being forced to be responsible too. It's time. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give anyone is to get out of their way. This isn't about me. If I make it about me and my feelings...I will have failed them all. 

There are so many things that I have wanted to do for years that I have been unable to do. I want to read, I want to exercise regularly, I want to work as much as I can without the stress of school pick ups and responsibility that no longer belongs to me. I want the same respect and love back that I gave endlessly for years without complaint. I want to be able to help my mom and dad if they need me without worry that I have school pick up at 3 pm. (this is not my job) 

I want to be the master of my own life. I want to really find out what I can still do knowing my physical limitations. I feel like I have something left to offer the world and I am ready to offer it up. I'd like to find out who I really am! I want to find real closure in some things that I have had no closure in up till now. 

I am not opposed to getting more education. I want to volunteer and help some folks that have been abandoned and need a leg up. I want a more simple life. I want a downsized life with a smaller home and less upkeep. I want to always be aware of time. And, how important it is to spend it wisely. I want to be alone with my husband too... we had kids crawling the walls in this place. I only want to be their grandmother. 

I would like to have an honest relationship with God, if God will still have me. 

PSG, You can do this. There will be times you will be worried. You will be afraid. You keep going. You will get through it. You have Capricorn. You folks are made of sturdy stuff. Goats climb mountains!

My DIL is a Cap. When she first came to me it was in tears ....trembling. (19 years old) Nowhere to turn. She is one of the strongest women I know today. She is a ballbuster. She just couldn't see herself. (now I run in the other direction when she is on a tear! But I remember who taught her to be a force to be reckoned with LOL) When she was 30 she turned away from me... and she needed to. She had to do the rest herself, even if she only knew it subconsciously. She will be 32 on the 16th. She passed with flying colors. 

If you can read a birth chart (believe me, this is a foreign language to most people) you are smart enough to wade through this and come out on the other side. I know it is not easy. You are going to get through it. There were times when I just needed someone to tell me I had what it took to keep going. 

I found that during this time what I wanted, and what I actually needed were two completely different things. So, it took discipline. 

Thank you, soup.

And yes, us Cappys are very sturdy. I know I'll get through this. I always do.

I had to tell my family about my situation. I hate doing that but they need to be aware. No more not communicating or keeping things to myself. I think that's my lesson.

Unless it's family that's toxic. That's my only exception.

As much as I have helped my family PSG, when the going got tough, they had to help me too. It's give and take. So, they have to help you get your sea legs. You will return it when you are able. What I did know is that I did not want to live with my parents or my grandparents.... oh god no... there is no going home anyway. 

There are things .... like, don't fight the lessons you are presented with. You are pressed to build a foundation you will have to stand on for the next 30 years. 

This is just temporary. It will pass and if you stay focused so will you. 

I had to hustle. Some people I knew had been making better decisions than I had and went through it with only some minor slow downs. At any rate I was able to catch up. But, I am sure I looked like I went through a wind tunnel when it was over. 

Both times....very humbling. The first was worse as far as finding a way to take care of myself, the second....rather soul crushing on different level. Still, both very humbling. I am still feeling the effect of the 2nd one. We are never finished learning. At the end of my 2nd I sat at the foot of my stairs and cried like a two year old. I was absolutely heartbroken. It was a 'I did all this for nothing' kind of experience. But, soon after I learned that I didn't  do it all for nothing...there was great value in all of it. Even so, I still feel the burn! I am just now a year later recovering from the exhaustion.