Hello everyone, I'm having a harrowing situation with my Scorpio boyfriend. We've been in a long-term committed relationship. We’ve had arguments. I've hurt him very badly by saying hurtful things. He said he loves me very much but wants to break up. I did apologize and tried to explain. I'm so sorry... He cried a lot, he's in a lot of pain.
We also took some days apart, I went traveling. We (still) live together. He's very cold and distant. I can feel like there is an ice wall surrounding him. I don't know what to do and how to behave. I do my best to keep my cool, but I'm so heartbroken. We are still talking about what was good and bad in our relationship and what needs to change (from my perspective as I'm the one who wants to continue), but I've almost lost all hope that he will change his mind.
What are the chances for a Scorpio to give a second chance?
He's a Scorpio Sun, Virgo ASC, Libra Moon.
I'm a Virgo Sun, Libra ASC, Virgo Moon.
I feel for you. I can't answer your question though, other than to say, if he truly loves you, there's a way.
I feel for you. I can't answer your question though, other than to say, if he truly loves you, there's a way.
Thank you very much ❤️
The contacts between both your ascendants and "lights", that is your Libra Acendant, his Libra Moon, and your Sun and Moon in Virgo and his Virgo rising, are very strong aspects in synastry. I would say stronger than the influence of a person's Sun sign. Try to have faith in those foundations whilst the turbulent energy passes through. There is little you can do right now except be kind and gentle to yourself and him. Things erupted. There has been a release of negativity. Maybe it needed to happen and things will be better for it. Try to trust you will know what to do moment to moment.
@sophiab Thank you so much ❤️
I also thought about this while I was away traveling and reflecting: "Things erupted. There has been a release of negativity. Maybe it needed to happen and things will be better for it." And also shared with him this thought when I came back. He just listened but didn't say anything.
We also have a Mars-Pluto square synastry, which I think defines a lot of our dynamic and we didn't learn to handle it. When we have arguments things can get very intense with him being (apparently) cool and in control of himself and me being all over the place. I'm Leo Mars, he's Scorpio Pluto.
@calliope If you have Mars-Pluto square in fixed signs synastry then you need to follow the fixed sign transits which are currently quite intense due to Mars moving through Taurus. That will be creating extra volatility to the transits of the slower moving outer planets (Uranus, Pluto) which are already triggering the fixed natal planets.
Eg. Natal Sun in Scorpio and Pluto in Scorpio... Where is transit Uranus in Taurus in relation to these? Is transit Pluto in Aqua squaring these? Also now transit Mars in Taurus, is it opposing the natal Sun and/Pluto. Also with your Mars in Leo, is transit Uranus squaring it, is transit Pluto in Aquarius opposing? You may both of you have other fixed planets so check out what is happening, because the Mars transit is amplifying the impact of the outer planets.
I will say that with the transit Sun at 29* Gemini square transit Neptune at 29* Pisces there is a lot of fog and mental lack of clarity. By end of today we have the beautiful Solstice and Sun moves to Cancer. Big shift incoming.
@sophiab Thank you so much ❤️
I've just checked the transits.
In my case, Pluto does nothing to my Mars and Venus in Leo (yet), but it will at some point in the future... But Uranus is squaring both. As a Libra ASC, I think this transit is very signifcative. Transiting Mars opposing my natal Saturn and squaring my natal Mars.
In his case transiting Mars is opposing his Sun and Pluto. From Uranus just a sextile. Saturn has also entered his 7th house, a transit that worried me thinking that he might not give a second chance to our relationship.
I hope the shift you mention will bring peace to our hearts and hopefully be able to start again on a whole new level.
If you love each other, it will be okay. I wish I could repeat some of the things my own kids have said to me. And I would still go down for one of them. Give it a little time so the sting leaves the welt. People have announced a lot of horrible shit to me... and I gave it right back. I am married to a sensitive Pisces (well not that sensitive, he has a Cap moon 😑) If the walls had ears when we were mad....
But I don't want to live without him just because he called me a bitch that one time.... or so. LOL I get over it. Scorpio is no different than anyone else.... Scorpio doesn't bounce back from big betrayal. Like if we come home and our man is screwing our best friend in our house. That is murder hornet territory and never could be forgiven, but who would? We just wait 20 years then they dk why they lost their job or any other thing for that matter LOL
If you ever met my parents, you would think I have an instant 'forgiver' built into my heart. I have forgiven some things that were truly unforgivable, and I have 5 planets in the sign.
@soup Thank you so much ❤️
I hope this could be a new start on a different foundation. I'm aware that some things have to change between us. I told him this. I was so shocked because I'd never seen him like this before turning so cold and distant instantly in the middle of our argument.
I miss him like crazy. As we live together it's torture not to hug and kiss him like before as my Leo Mars is very affectionate. He knows I love him very much and how much I regret it. He talks less than me, he still didn't tell me about what's inside him except for the fact that he's in a lot of pain (which I can also see and feel).
It's been some weeks like this already and I don't see a change of mind. I'm patient and gentle with the situation and with him but I just lost almost all hope that he will change his mind after being for so long with the thought of wanting to break up. He didn't tell me to leave or to go search for other flats separately, etc. We are still talking about it... but we have opposite views: I want to stay together, he doesn't.
@soup, we have:
(Me) Scorpio Saturn conjunct Libra Mercury (Him)
(He) Sagittarius Saturn square Virgo Mercury (Me)
(He) Sagittarius Saturn trine Leo Venus (Me)
(He) Sagittarius Saturn square Libra ASC (Me)
(He) Sagittarius Saturn opposition Cancer MC (Me)
I only put major aspects to personal planets/ points.
@calliope I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet with those Saturn contacts. Saturn is glue.
Prior to this, you know you loved each other. I don't know what you said or what he said... but sticks and stones.... just words. I know words can hurt and sometimes people say things they can never put back into thought. It comes flying out the mouth. It has happened here with my husband; we both have done it. It has seriously happened with my mother; she had a mouth on her.... OMG! And a few times my own kids didn't stop talking when they should have (Gemini) 😳
Just give it a little time. Freaking Scorpio... acting like we are dying from some words. It's true though. My husband has Mercury in Aquarius... his delivery is trash. I mean... seriously. Find a kinder way to say it bro.... he knows. Everything that comes out of his mouth is logical. How am I supposed to deal with that? 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
@soup hmmm, you Mercury in Aqua bluntness statement hit home with mine in Aqua. I need to try harder….
@myrna I have Mercury in Scorpio 😳 Mars in Gemini. I sound like a garbage truck when I am throwing a fit. It doesn't happen often, but my own delivery is a pile of steaming dog crap. I was just being silly. He has logic and reason, I cry LOL
@soup Yes, I give it time... I told him he has all the time he needs from my side, absolutely no pressure.
He never said hurtful things to me. He's usually very careful with words. The most hurtful thing for me was when he said he didn't want to be together anymore. I'm the impulsive one and said hurtful things and not only once. I understand that he is hurt and it was necessary he puts this distance between us, and I couldn't bear it because I saw it as a time for self-reflection... but I'm not ready that he doesn't give us a chance. I understand he's hurt and that he needs time, but I can't understand why he doesn't want to be with me anymore when he loves me and when I told him I will and can change. I still don't know what his thoughts are, he didn't share them with me, what makes him not want to be with me anymore? I'm not only his lover, I'm also his closest friend.
@calliope If he's careful with his words, it means he feels words matter. I would absorb this. It sounds like you won't make it with this man, if you can't calm your mouth.
I also wanted to mention, classic Scorpio - they forgive but they never forget. So if you're expecting everything to roll back the way it was... probably not. Go for healing?
@elsa I'm not expecting things to roll back as they were, it was not a healthy dynamic. I told him this. I'm working on this matter also in therapy. I can see clearly how these weeks of self-reflection/ distance have been a necessary time. With the dynamic we had none of us was happy. My therapist has an explanation in my case and works with me on how to cope with the trigger point in the future even if it would be a future without the Scorpio Sun... it would be something for me to have healthier relationships.
Ah, yes, Dr Spock brain here. Sometimes I wish I could cry. Although I tear up automatically when revealing my deepest feelings to someone: Scorpio moon…
I think Satori's post on this is right on the nose.
https://elsaelsa.com/astrology/apologizing-to-a-scorpio/
I'm not a Scorpio Sun, but a Taurus Sun opposing Pluto ASC in Scorpio, so I understand the intensity; I'm hardcore.
Loyalty is everything, and therefore, so is taking accountability.
I've lost so many friends because they couldn't take accountability for their part in my hurt regardless of right or wrong, if they can't say sorry (which they didn't), then what I have to give becomes revoked. Self-preservation.
That's a betrayal (in my intense eyes). I've had many friends whom I can feel miss me deeply, similar to how Elsa describes the faucet being shut off. They start to hurt because my energy fed them. And this is why the no-sorry hurts so bad because it's like a total slap in the face to all that I give. It's demanding but Scorpio gives a lot. So, if you can't just say you're fucking sorry, or at least I'm sorry how things turned out, then you're a liability now.
Scorpio knows if it's genuine.
That's my experience, at least. When someone comes to me with a genuine apology, I can be very forgiving (Venus Neptune).
Specific to your situation, I think it's petty/immature (and at the extreme, abusive) when adults give the silent treatment, but Scorpio is notorious for this, and it could be solely because you live together and this is how he processes. I can relate; sometimes, when you feel so much, you need time.
The best advice IMO, keep living your life and giving him space. Try to detach from his silence and not take it so personally (although I know it is), to give him time and then come back together to have a constructive talk. And maybe by then he'll have had more of a chance to absorb your apology.
A Taurus gal friend of mine was with a Scorpio for a very long time, good relationship and something similar happened. It took him a long time to come around, but they eventually had a breaking point with tears & pleading on her end, and I guarantee you, as extreme (and maybe a tad cruel) as it is, that's what he needed to know she was sorry and loyal to him. They were back together and all was well.
@belladonna Thank you very much ❤️
My apology to Scorpio Sun has been very genuine. This is how I felt and I hope he felt it too. I have explained to him in great detail the why and what happened inside me when I rolled those words out, what triggered me. Because I've also been undergoing therapy for quite a while (I didn't start it because of him and our relationship) I have gained deeper insight into my psyche in time. I've been on a healing journey in the last few years clearing out past trauma, especially childhood. I talked to him from the deepest corner of my mind and soul because I've searched there... It's something else inside him... and I also feel he needs time and space. Maybe - as it is the story of your friend - he is not in the right moment to absorb it right now.
I think he cares a lot about me and can't stand to see me in pain, but he's himself in a lot of pain.
Today when he came home, he found me crying. I was listening to music and spontaneously started crying and crying a lot. When he entered the room and saw me like that we sat by my side, hugged me, and kissed me on my forehead. It was very sweet and affectionate, but besides that moment he kept his distance.
I think it would be good to try to detach myself and give him space as much as possible as we live together in a small place.
"The best advice IMO, keep living your life and giving him space. Try to detach from his silence and not take it so personally (although I know it is), to give him time and then come back together to have a constructive talk. And maybe by then he'll have had more of a chance to absorb your apology. "
I think the same thing, I really needed to hear this.