The past few years have been hard on me, emplyment-wise. I don't know if it’s something in the water or in the cosmos. But I have been feeling IT. And I truly believe that is an understatement in itself. Pre-covid, I was gainfully employed at a job where I was pretty content, then, the company decided to cut budgets and therefore, I was on the list to be furloughed then eventually laid off. I assumed post-lockdown, I would be able to get right back in the saddle again, but little did I know it would be the last time I would ever feel "normal" on the job again. Since I returned back to the workforce in October of 2022, it's been tribulation after tribulation for me. Either the company is unstable, the staff is unhinged, or the entire position turns out to be nothing short of a terrible fit. I have dodged evictions, going completely broke, even losing my sanity over it all because of my leaving job after job. I am mentally exhausted and terribly unmotivated to even think of a better way and day of my employment journey.
Thing is, I'm a woman of a certain age. My mind is in the realm of retirement, 401Ks and leaving my mark professionally within the next several years. I don't have time to rub elbows, kiss up to my co-workers, and attend mindless lunches and happy hours that I know I have no interest in. That may sound selfish, but I'm more focused on learning a position, doing my best, and making something of myself as the hands of time click away.
Flash forward to today, I am employed with a company in which the culture is turning out to be not what I thought it would be, with the addition of my position. Needless to say, I've been feeling like I've been back in the throws of high school again. The cliques, the idle chatter, the stares, the glares, the gossip and so on. To be honest, it's traumatizing because I literally feel like I am back to a place that I tried to avoid each day, but it found a way to plague me no matter what. Each day, I am reminded of how much I am over corporate life and the trappings. I long to work solely independently and to be left alone to my own vices and to put the trauma of my teenage hardships behind me. To be honest, for the past few days, I have been mulling over putting in my resignation and moving on. To possibly give myself a chance to move on from this and give myself some room to find my way again, but I feel stuck with the financial challenges, no help, and no resources other than indeed and a prayer to help me through. I'm not getting much sleep, and I've been avoidant at work because I am feeling no connection whatsoever to my job or the people I work with.
I keep reminding myself to be grateful to be making decent money and to have a job when most are still trying to land even one interview, but I am struggling immensely to find the silver lining to all this. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I am faking my way to get through each day. I know I need to be grateful, but it's hard when all you feel is empty and wasteful of your abilities. I am scared to leave because I don't want to get myself in a bind or end up in a struggle I'd have a horrible time getting out of. I do have a plan to continue to apply to new jobs while I am here. I just don't know how much longer I can keep up this act.
What should I do? What would you do?
Any guidance will help.
Thanks! and much love <3
Oh wow. I’m sorry. First of all, it is in no way selfish to want to learn your skills, better your skills, learn at yoir job. It’s normal. I would say it’s a plus.
I haven’t worked in corporate since 2006. My husband still does, upper management. What I hear from him are things that are so foreign to how it was when I last worked. I think I would be quite difficult if I worked in a similar environment. My husband has always seemed to know how to manage up (working around a difficult boss), to kind of not give a crap where it doesn’t matter (or just placate until they go away), and just keep working. But it’s been 30+ years and he’s in a position to take the work he wants and if someone doesn’t like it, oh well 🤷🏻♀️.
So I wonder if your job is the type where you need to chitchat with people or can you just be neutral and uninvolved? I know it can be hard because sometimes work is so much of some coworkers’ lives, including social life.
You’re obviously investes in being a good employee, productive member of society, doing your job (which shouldn’t entail a bunch of nonessential fluff).
I’m sorry I’m not much help. You should be happy and focused on your goals, so this is definitely a time of self-reflection. I hope you get some guidance.
Hello Allie,
Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it very much. I feel like I’m slowly realizing that I’m better off working independently, that’s where I thrive the most. I’m trying to stay quietly focused on my goals, but because of this going on, there’s noise in my head. It’s definitely some time of self-reflection, indeed.
@citygirl1980 It sounds as if you understand yourself well! I hope you’re able to move towards a situation where you can thrive!
There are so many pressures in the sky so that could be playing a part in this, pushing you to do something.
@allie120 Well this eclipse is nesting in my 8th house. I was even looking up mental health counseling today. Fun fun!