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@elsa My husband is laughing so hard he just spit his water across the kitchen floor.... oh God this is funny ...... 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 I must share this... hahahahaha
Ben emailed me. Speech therapy twice a week. Hard!
His mail was longer than usual, post stroke. Garbled a bit, more than usual, i think. Not sure though. They are taking blood, frequently, but I don't know why.
Glad to hear from him, though.
@elsa He had a blood clot. He had a stroke. God bless him, he is sending email to his best friend. So many people never recover. He is communicating with you. I know how happy this makes you. Success all the way around. It takes a while to rehab from this kind of thing. But look at him trying. Blessing.
@soup thank you. I miss him so much.
I asked him if the clot is gone. No response.
I know it's because people are there. Blessing and a curse.
@elsa I know you miss him, Elsa. I can hear it ....(even though you are writing) it comes through. You care about Ben like family. It really comes through. Wish there was some way that you could actually see him again, sooner rather than later. It would bring you both peace.
@soup of the million conversations we've had over 35 years, we never discussed anything like this. It sh9cks me, because we've talked everything, at one point or the other.
9/11 I called him. I had gone with my kids, to give blood. It was is the evening, I called him. People were panicked. I asked him what he was going to do,
"Go to school and fix bow grips..."
Do you know he's a dog babysitter? He does not have animals, but does this for friends. He takes then on three walks a day and tries to fix their behavior. And dam Perry Mason. He loves that show.. and all his old movies.
I bet he's seen every, Perry Mason episode, 100 times, minimum. That's fact, not exaggeration. Point being, there's no one like him. I want a miracle and I don't count it out, because he's cheated death before, hard core.
@elsa Elsa you know better than anymore that it takes a whole lot to take a Scorpio.
You know everything about each other. He could say the same about you, I bet. Elsa does this, she likes that, she is interested in these things. Almost 4 decades of best friendship. This is gold. I have this with less than a handful of people now. So many have disappeared from my life. When you have this kind of friendship you understand the value. You cannot replace it. There is no way to fill a hole where there is a loss of a thing like this.
I know why you worry. I also know how much this hurts you. Probably more than it hurts him.
@soup thank you. The year, got me. He wrote out the date, with year.
Me, "What time?"
I just can't believe he's been stuck with all those people in his house for this amount of time. Plus, his secret got out.
It's like he can't even scream.
Not that he screams, He talks to me and we're both fed. I mean, I know what feeds him and it's not this. Company and paperwork. Gah.
@elsa There is no Scorpio on earth that wants people all over them. I was cool with my grands... but I am telling you I did not answer my door. Ever. Never. There were no surprise visits or a bunch of folks just stopping by. They could. But I would never answer the door.
My children could come and go with theirs. That was it.
And whoever told his secret needs their a## kicked. Why? Why do this to him? Or to anyone? WHY?
So, his privacy has been breached in every way it can be tainted. This is death for Scorpio. I mean.... we hate it. HATE!
He wrote out the full date. Yeah, when you have a stroke, you are going back into different parts of what you have learned. I remember learning this but in what grade I forget... the grade where they make you write this out on everything, like when they teach you to tell time or your multiplication tables.
Some things we learned to do over and over in repetition. We had to memorize them. These are the things you remember first when you have a brain injury. I watched my stepdad recover. It was slow. He had a really bad TMI. But he did get it all back and no one could believe it. He would get so frustrated. So angry. He knew what was happening.... he said later it was like being on the outside looking in. He was aware he was struggling with things he already knew how to do in 1st grade.
I can imagine what Ben is going through, and I can't at the same time. I just had my privacy invaded a month ago by a ambulance ride, and a whole lot of strange people coming and going, poking at my naked body for 3 days. I was absolutely mortified.
Ben. Fixed water. Not easy to change a person like this. There is a way to do things. We like it the way we do it.
And people swirling around is not the way. He has NO control over anything. Another death for Scorpio.
I said to one nurse, so loud, so annoying and rude. I need you to get out and I don't want to see you again. You'd do best to NOT come back in here. Of course, she went and cried her eyes out like a victim when she was the whole back of a horse's ass. You know me, I just say it. Get out. I didn't care. I was sick. She was so rude and ignorant. She was really rough with me. Really rough with my IV. I'm the one paying. Get out.
Only he cannot say that.
I am so sorry. I wish you could take over for him.
@soup thanks for this. I wish I could take over too, but I guess it's supposed to be this way.
On the betrayal, I don't know that it was straight-up like that. I am not sure, but I imagine this came out in the medical stuff. Enough people get eyes on something and it leaks out? Again, I'm not sure, but this is most likely what happened. Honestly, he is so revered in his area, you're not going to get too far, putting him down. He's got friends, everywhere.
The rest of what you wrote - yes. He's so fixed; he's not changed since his 20's. He definitely hates people around and has thrown them out, his entire life, because people are always trying to be near him. He prefers to brood in the dark for days... then talk to, Elsa. Literally, this is his life-long MO, and right now, he can't throw them out and even if he does, they come right back, "to help".
There are primary people around him. One of him has thought she was his mother for the last 15 years or so. Like she's nice, but, gah...
He's got his one friend who got power of attorney, but did not pull the trigger and get the clot out right away. This is who is blamed (rightly or wrongly) for the breach.
Then he's got his student, in her 20's, who loves him sooo much. She has the best insight into him, by far. She's got the most courage and she was the only one willing to risk her relationship with him to override his wishes and get him treated.
Do you remember, refusing treatment for your heart?
Anyway, she's around and she's who I talk to but she has no power against the man and the woman, who act like they are his parents; further, he's complained about them for a decade! See, what I mean? He never liked them in his business and now they are clear up his ---.
The girl knows my position in this and I know hers. Ben loves her and has invested all his wisdom in her, because she is not swine.
The "parents" know as well, but they want, him, dependent on them and they always have. I swear he's like their pet or something. I believe the woman lives next door, or if not, VERY close, so she's just living at least half-time at his house. This is like a dream come true for her. She's got him!
He gave me the time of his stroke and will try to call today. I told him about my husband's HF so he wants to know about that, for sure.
The girl is trying to encourage him; that he can get better and get out of there, which has been his plan. He's quite sick of it and has been for some times. So it's, do what you have to do, so you can get stable enough to go visit your friends... which is me.
We've planned for a long time, he would come here for an extended visit; see if he can deal with the culture shock, which he can. I mean, he lives in 98% Spanish speaking without speaking Spanish himself.
He can easily adapt here, because people tend to be polite, mind their own business and help if you ask. Really, what else is there, when you get this age?
@elsa Do you remember, refusing treatment for your heart?
Yes ma'am. I do. When the very people that put you there in the first place are trying 😳 to treat you....
Now this very well may not be the case. Let's just say all the women in my family decided to have vascular problems within the same year and one died at 44 years old. The other two are having stokes. Completely normal. 😳 the youngest one possibly having a stroke or heart attack is 34 years old at the time. Completely normal.
I may or may not have overreacted when they came for me with medication. I wanted everything triple checked. Poor husband googling every med then the side effects too. You know they wish I were not that alert 😳 and I still had very little control over what was happening to me.
Ben could use a friend like you by his side who will protect his privacy and allow him to trust what medical people are doing is for his own good. I had the Cap moon looking me in the face...Big Daddy said.... YOU WILL because I trust it and I would not let anyone hurt you. Take the fking medication right now soup!
I feel so bad for him Elsa and I don't even know him. But I know what living in the same energy means. We like control of our own personal body, home. We are home bodies that don't like a gang of people surrounding us all the time. Privacy. Privacy. Privacy. Even when there is nothing to see or to tell.
I had a neighbor one time say to me.... it's as if you are hiding something. I replied, what an odd thing to think you can say to someone. This is why I don't want you around me. I have nothing to hide. You're just way too fking nosy for my liking. Get out of my yard.
he could definitely move to or extended stay where you are and be happy.
I swear he's like their pet.
My mother did this to me. It was just awful.
she's just living at least half-time at his house. This is like a dream come true for her. She's got him!
Makes me sick reading it. - she's got him. Ugh... this is losing the will to live stuff for me.
@soup and now you're primed.
"The most exciting discoveries always entail the loss of previously held certainties."
- Bernardo Kastrup
I forgot to say, Ben had his stroke with Saturn squaring the moon and Venus.
His natal Saturn fills in the t-square.
@elsa Saturn square moon. Just survived it. One of the worst I have ever had. Worse than Pluto for me. I was literally losing my mind. That has never happened to me before. I had to be very diligent. Very aware that what I though was reality was NOT.
Had a long talk with, Ben. It's intense and confusing. I have to sort this in my mind. He may be dying... like outside the risk of "sudden death" from a clot.
It's beyond confusing.
"I no longer have food."
Does this mean, he has no food in his home, or he no longer "has lunch", as in "let's have lunch".
I think it's the latter. He is surrounded by women like me. "You mean to tell me, you know one thousand Mexicans, and no one is feeding you?"
See? That can't be right. He's lost a lot of weight. It's because he's lost his appetite. Happening with my husband as well.
There is more than a clot going on here. That's what I'm telling you. And whatever it is, they're doing with his blood, it's very painful. Plus all the appliances in his house and his car are breaking down, because you know, why. When it rains it pours.
He emailed me... just now. Here is my answer to his query:
"I would say, look at your options, in the cold light of day... then choose one and proceed!!"
I mean, 10th house Scorpio with Moon in Aries.
He also mentioned, many around him are also sick.
This is all so heartbreaking and terrifying. I'm afraid I'd end up in a straight jacket in a rubber room if I was ever invaded like that. And all I have in Scorpio is Saturn/MC. And Moon in the 8th house.
I'll keep praying for Ben, and you and your husband too. 🙏❤
@elsa I know I said earlier that it takes a lot to take a Scorpio out. Kill them off. But .... I mean that in a variety of ways. I know you understand what I am talking about.
Here is the weakness. They have to want to stay. If their soul is tired, heart is broken, feel they are a burden, or feel they have no way to control anything... they will let go. A fixed sign unable to control anything (mostly themselves) is a pitiful fixed sign. A wounded fixed sign. Giving up control is giving up life force.... vitality, strength.
My mother used to claim I knew what to do when I was 5 years old. That is why she relied on me like she did. She said I instinctively knew and held myself to it.
My husband stayed quiet and observed when I was in the hospital. He said I was mostly easy.... until really ignorant people came in ... rude, rough, pushing. He said he watched and laughed inside. He said he was thinking..... you are going to keep it up. You are going to keep poking the bear. You are going to keep talking to her like that and in a little bit she is going to take you to bloody hell...ma'am don't do it. Ease up. He said then BAM I would send a strike. I know when they were taking my shirt off to do the ekg I said... wtf are you all doing in here. Men.... GET OUT. This woman can attach these stickies without you watching. I cleared the room. Jesus ... where is common courtesy. I am well aware that everyone has a damn cell phone, recording and taking pictures these days... sorry... not my tits.
Anyway, my point is if I didn't have a way to advocate for myself, I would be more likely to give up. Not care. Let go.
I told my Gemini son; they said I am non-compliant. He said so what. I said well that is what they said, and I don't want to be a problem... he laughed so hard. He said - you have always been non-compliant. That you are... means you are going to be okay. I would be worried if you started going along with whatever they wanted you to do. My brother and I want you to fight back. We love that you fight back. I will worry about you, when you don't.
I know you understand what I mean. There was no big rift at the hospital. Many times, when I tell these stories they sound bigger than they are... I have Pluto in the 3rd, so I type with a fist... no one refused to care for me because I was loud or unruly. I barely said 5 words. My point is, I do speak up for myself but if I were to stop... I know that would be a sign of a bigger problem. Like... I just gave up.
@soup I understand. I don't think, Ben, is giving up at all. He doesn't have that gene.
I can't say this for sure, but it looks like the stroke was a symptom of something else... or perhaps it was because of the shot, or perhaps he's just an older (half) black man and strokes are prevalent in that population.
Regardless of which scenario he's in, I think there is something underlying, which is now rising up.
He is definitely fighting. I'm really not sure what you're addressing here, but neither man is depressed.
Ben said he was 230-250 and he is now 180, which he considers, "skinny".
There are a lot of things that cause loss appetite. My husband says his appetite has dropped due to age. His doctor "appears" to agree.
I don't think it's that simple, but it's not depression. My husband is quite happy, when he's not disturbed by his mother's activities or remarks. I mean, he's ecstatic to be retired. He has not enjoyed his work for 15 years, though he showed up, every day without fail.
I keep in mind - Saturn in Pisces. We're not going to have "clarity", but, Ben did has a stroke and my husband has multiple bad diagnoses. I credit Jupiter Uranus will keeping me fairly upbeat.
@elsa I'm losing weight too. Loss of appetite. In my case I needed to lose some because I spent a year with Saturn and didn't move and Pluto in Cap was a bone aching experience for me. Several bones. Mostly my lower back. But I am moving again, with no appetite. So, its falling off. I still look like crap though... My Venus has been run over by a Pluto freight train.
I too consider all the things you have spoken of with them. Age, without a shot or a CV what would I naturally be going though considering my genetics, height weight and age... nutrition, exercise..... the problem I stop on is how my young daughter in laws have gone through vascular problems as no one on either side of the family has had such things... so we are all puzzled. She just told me her cousin just had open heart surgery. Really? She is 36 years old. I am dumbfounded. Every time I hear another young person is on heart medication or they have had a heart attack/stroke I just stare at a wall. I have been around for a while, and I have never seen such a thing in all my life. I also consider.... did the CV cause it? Did they have it and weren't tested? A true puzzle we will get no answer to ... or maybe someday after I am long dead and gone.
I looked to depression for myself because so many key people died in such a short time. Not just my family which is a lot for the size of tribe we are... but friends, old clients, classmates and acquaintances. It was happening one after the next.
I am happy they haven't had to deal with that too. It's good to hear someone is happy. I am getting there. It's a slow rise. But it is a rise.
Husband suggested the two of us go back to college today. I said, what are we going to be. He said two sweethearts in college. He makes me laugh. I said okay boss, let's go back to school. I'll go.