I understand where it can get confusing distinguishing. A Narcissists cries for attention are in vain, a borderline's are not. I cried for a whole week when a photoshoot didn't turn out perfect because my friend was getting more attention than me. I felt very ugly and repulsive. The photographer kept making all these nasty passive aggressive comments on how unexperienced I was and not as good as my friend. Mainly in an attempt to seduce her. It brought me back to being compared to my "perfect" godsister as a child and being called ugly and fat by a gymnastic coach being I was a little taller than the other gymnasts. I was skinnier than them but appearantly being tall is fat??? On the outside it looked like I was crying for attention in vain in reality I wanted to curl up and die. Like litterally.

@orchid, I think everyone has the qualities in them. Most of the BPD's know including myself never cut deep. Just enough to prove a point. I tried to jump off a bridge in order to stop my 2 ex best friends from doing heroin.Really I didn't want to die just make them feel very bad for destroying themselves. It didn't work.

I think your 12th house and Cancer could be the culprit.

My 12H and having 12H Cancer Mars really does a job on my head, for sure. I think Peregrine Gemini in the 12H is what ices the cake. And then there's Neptune in the 7th, squaring my Sun. Neptune opposing my 12H Mars. Neptune, neptune, neptune. Hahaha. Add my Neptuniness to the extremes of my relationship placements: I have mars/moon, mars/neptune 7H, pluto/venus, mars/venus, and pluto/mars.

I crave closeness with someone, but I'm too afraid to trust anyone. I pull away. I create dramatics. They pull away. I feel abandoned. And, if nothing is actually happening that generates those feelings, I will make them up. Because, underneath, I want to recreate the tumult of abuse. I want to feel bad, because It's comfortable... and it seems safer than trust. Creating a scenario for which to apologise later... it let's me continue my little self-blame game.

If I can keep recreating these scenarios, then I don't ever have to get close to anyone. I don't have to find a way to deal with the fact that people are imperfect. I can keep getting hurt when someone doesn't measure up to my lofty ideations, without hinderance. I can keep creating them. I can keep blaming myself when others suck. I can keep blaming myself when I'm the cause of all of my failures. I fail on purpose....so I can keep feeling worthless. hahaha It's a cycle. A perpetual cycle.

Now all you need is a bad habit and you are an official memberof the BPD CLUB!

It's pretty much that though. Recreation of abusive situations. Not knowing how to distinguish abandonment from silence.

Hahaha. I've tried drugs... But, they don't really do it for me. Too prude for promiscuous sex. Too broke to shop. Too in love with the world (moon/jup) to kill myself. lmfaooo

I'll call myself an honorary member!

Mine have evolved, first it was eating disorders, then promiscuous sex, then drugs. Now eating disoder is creeping up again since I have started doing photoshoots. Saturn in Scorpio has scared me out of promiscuous sex and I am always on some kind of substance with a few sober days so whatevs.

Don't read too much into it though a lot of what you are going through could be helped through therapy. It also gets better with age. We are in our 20's. It's borderline all the time >.< Also if you have no identity crises you are good.