I can’t gauge how true this is but do many people know their neighbors? I have heard people talk about how some don’t know their neighbors, don’t want to, don’t trust them, or have no interest in them. Maybe this could just be what some publications like to bemoan about. I can’t tell.
It could be those lamenting about the lack of connections, housing situations, people moving away from their hometowns. So I can’t tell. I’m surrounded by some people who reach out to people and will form binds if reciprocated (and if not, still lend help). So this is definitely who I associate with, having been in one place for a couple of decades, and maybe more of a generational thing.
Having been in many situations, from the death of a family member, help during an illness or hospitalization, a fire, bad weather, as well as sharing the joys and helping on vacations, these are priceless, whether it’s family, friends, or neighbors (or both).
I am trying to imagine a life where we had to start over with that. I see it’s value but also see that it doesn’t always “just happen”.
@allie120 I don’t know any of my neighbors and live in a flat with 4 other units. We say “hi” and that’s it. I also don’t know any of the neighbors in any other neighboring flats. We all just nod and say hi. Sometimes we let our dogs sniff each other and smile and say “have a nice day” or something like that. This isn’t a neighbor friendly city at all. If I were to move back to the south it would be completely different.
I like it this way for the most part. I had to learn to like it. You adapt to wherever you are. Or you can let it destroy you. Always a choice.
@sirena-oceana Oh absolutely. I was just wondering what it was like out there.
@allie120 yes, I imagine it differs depending on the culture of a location. I know my parents know all their neighbors… a lil too much. It’s a slow paced culture where everybody knows your name. They notice if you have any strange cars parked in your driveway. Always peeking out their windows. Patrolling the neighborhood. Getting pissed off when people speed through. Organize community events. Bring you food. Give your dog a treat.
I think here the culture is just too fast paced. I used to view it as rudeness. Now I see it as conserving time and energy. Lots going on at all times here.
In general though, I do think children are more isolated. There’s def a safety concern with letting kids out to play nowadays… pretty much everywhere you go.
@sirena-oceana lol you just described my neighborhood growing up and the one I live in now is a little like that.
Children are definitely more isolated but it also depends on how many kids are in the neighborhood, too. There was a time when I first moved here and there were more kids. But they grew up, or the family moved. When I was a kid there were sometimes 20 kids around from our street and the streets nearby. It was nothing to walk streets over, a mile or two miles, to play. And I grew up very much in the suburbs, with the rural farmlands behind us. If one kid had a pool we’d go there, or play baseball or kickball, or “fort” or put on plays, and all the parents knew all the kids.
I know I always sound like an old fart talking about this LOL but it was like that.
I have known my neighbors everywhere I have ever lived, throughout my life. To the point where you go back and forth between the houses, to hang out. Also for babysitting, carpooling, sharing and just in general, helping out. Shoveling snow for example.
Regarding neighbours, we were always on great terms with ours. About 10 years ago, we had a fantastic little community - we would take turns cooking for everyone, hold garden parties, go out for meals - one neighbour even built a bar that was open to us all, we honestly had the best time! But, people move on, the neighbours after that were more than happy to accept our hospitality, but soon came to abuse it, and after one neighbour turned violent and tried to stab my partner, we withdrew totally.
We still help out our elderly neighbour, my partner injured his back getting him out of the bath last month, got him the medical care he needed, but we've both decided we no longer have an 'open door policy'.
@plutolover Sounds like you had a wonderful neighborhood, much like what many of us here had/have, too.
What a shame it turned out poorly. I understand people moving away, new ones coming in and trying to establish friendships. It almost seems as though there was a common decline around the same time…? Not everyone, of course, but generally speaking.
@allie120 yes, you're right, there was a decline at the time - it seemed most everybody became much more selfish and insular (this was a few years before C arrived) and more holiday homes flooded the area, diminishing the sense of community. It's sad, but everything goes in cycles!
I think it also depends upon the individuals in each case. We still send Christmas cards to the former neighbor next door. My husband knew them before I moved in. He was friendly with the husband and wife, but the husband flaked, left, and a couple of times my husband would help her with some things around the house. And we’d have her over when we were out on the deck and we’d see her (she had little ones).
Our neighbors across the street, she’ll invite everyone over. Former neighbors, the waitress at their favorite restaurant, doesn’t matter. She keeps very strong ties with people. It seems that everyone who knows her and her circle, benefits.
It’s a good model to have, to at least keep in touch, depending upon your inclination for hosting or just reaching out.
I moved recently, so now most of my relationships are maintained through text or phone calls. This is mostly fine, though of course I get homesick for them at times. My best friend is so jolly and being around them always feels what I think of as “karmically neutral.” Pure acceptance. Super fortunate in that regard.
Neighborly relationships have never been a huge presence in my life, though the last place I lived, I had some neighbors that were always really kind and helpful. I was having some car issues and they were mechanically inclined. I hated to bother them by asking for a jump, but they were always super duper gracious about it and more than willing to help.
I was about to say I’ve never had any online relationships become real life relationships, but the friend I mentioned above I met online lol. It was just so long ago that I forget sometimes. Outside of that, there are a few online places that I really like, like this one of course, but my energy doesn’t translate very well online, and too much online participation can take a lot out of me. Too much for me is like a minimal amount for most people, but I’ve just never gotten the hang of online stuff. I’m better than I used to be, but mostly still feel like a dog wearing shoes.
I've lived so many places and had so many neighbors, I could write a book. Some I'd like to have known better, others I'd rather not. These days we can research them online and be much more aware.
I met my closest IRL friend in recent decades online, while house hunting. I stay in touch online with friends I made when abroad, and with past coworkers and other friends near and far.
I've been greatly enriched by cultural sites, publications, and groups online over the years. I've been able to survey a wide array of information about places and events rather than depend upon PR or gossip. It's all addictive, but for me so was the library!