It was 30 years ago and I was looking for an apartment, to be a roommate. So I called this apartment and a guy answered. He said that he's the one who's leaving and to call another time. We talked a little, I don't remember what... I called again a week later and of all the roommates (three of them) he answered again. We had a chat and that was it. Two weeks later he called me. I have no idea how he got my phone number. It wasn't an easy way to get phone numbers those days... he said that he wants to meet me and I agreed. When we met I saw the most handsome man ever! Tall with dark curls... he got dressed up and smelled good. He looked at me and said: now the ball is in your court.
And he left with his friends that were waiting for him. I didn't call back.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/dec/28/dating-apps-sexual-revolution-single-people
this article summarises the current dating scene n how doomed my generation is.
@vdn it's a terrific challenge but your generation has free will. It's within your ability to rebel (Uranus) against this oppressive structure and control (Saturn). The system is built to make sure you fail to truly connect. You must innovate.
@elsa @vdn I agree with Elsa. These programs are not created to encourage real love, despite any human intentions for them, they are apps which begin and end with html code. I did try Internet dating once and had 1 short lived relationship out of it which ended very badly because the individual was not actually wanting a relationship and maybe neither was I at that stage, although I thought I did. It was hard for me to conceive that in this day and age I would have more opportunities offline. It took a leap of faith but the inner decision to be at peace and look after myself and put my trust in the universe did eventually lead me in the right direction. It is quite a challenge to go against the mainstream flow but also an adventure in creating and maintaining healthy boundaries for yourself, developing inner strength. It also means holding yourself through difficult emotions, especially loneliness, and coming through it with yourself as your best ally.
@vdn In your stories you are aware of the moments when you surrendered your precious boundary due to insecurity that you are not valuable enough - the photo of your body, visiting a pub, etc. The experiment involves catching those moments where you are asked to transgress your self, and say, no, I'm too valuable for that. And that saying no, won't end in you being alone but instead to become stronger. With parental traumatisation it's hard to get to that point of self value, because they have trashed it, but you can do it. It takes small steps in the beginning.
@vdn In your stories you are aware of the moments when you surrendered your precious boundary due to insecurity that you are not valuable enough - the photo of your body, visiting a pub, etc. The experiment involves catching those moments where you are asked to transgress your self, and say, no, I'm too valuable for that. And that saying no, won't end in you being alone but instead to become stronger. With parental traumatisation it's hard to get to that point of self value, because they have trashed it, but you can do it. It takes small steps in the beginning.
Sophia: you understood me without even knowing me. Such a piece of beautiful advice. Thank you for this. Will write it down!
@vdn I feel we are all alike deep down, wanting to give and receive love, yet encountering so many obstacles inside and out. We need to support each other where we can!
@sophiab I also think there are a lot of fake profiles and let's not forget how these tech companies like to manipulate your emotions and run psychological experiments on you. This, in addition to the inherent danger of meeting someone you don't know, as opposed to meeting someone via a third party that you know and trust. Or meeting someone at a party or other event where you already have some kind of commonality.
That article is very interesting in that it specifies people seek to meet people anonymously, outside their regular life. This is what used to be called a "red flag". If he hides you from his friends and family, well...
I know for sure there are men and women out there looking for authenticity and further, there are a lot of them.
I know for sure there are men and women out there looking for authenticity and further, there are a lot of them.
This I know is true. I have some really bad karma in this aspect of life. Someone once told me I was probably an 'abuser' in 'atlantis'. So, when I get myself into abusive situations these days I just sadly feel I probably fulfilled some karmic debt there.
But I do see a lot of happy mature couples who met serendipitously or via the Indian arranged marriage system.
@elsa I agree Elsa, it's important to tell stories in which people succeed in loving whilst maintaining their integrity, so that people know it is possible. And as you say, there are so many people both wanting and achieving that, but it's not sexy or dramatic enough to be reported in the mainstream. Saturn is exalted in Libra for good reason, but it doesn't look anything like Kim Kardashian!
@elsa The funny thing is I did rebel. I rebelled against the Indian caste-based arranged marriage paradigm and freed myself from numerous blood-thirsty relatives. And found myself caught in the failing structures of some other culture/country.
At the same time, I wonder if the founders of Bumble/Tinder etc did not themselves believe that they were creating a 'revolution' when they started these companies? Was the revolution then undermined by hysteria seeded by the collective? If yes, is there really a need for another revolution in the dating world or should we all just go back to focus on self?
@vdn I am personally aware of the person who started Plenty of Fish. The intent was to PROFIT.
It's up the the individual where they want to focus their energy. Relationships are important to me so I focus on developing them.
I'm aware I'm ruining this thread by going off topic so will sign off now. Happy to continue discussing this in a new thread. 
@elsa You aren't ruining it. I tend to hijack conversations and steer them away.
Thank you for engaging in some meaningful conversations.
funny