Something popped up on social media and I just scrolled passed because it seemed stupid. Then I listened to a short excerpt from a podcast talking about this: women over 50 feeling like they are invisible. So I did a quick search online: “women over 50 feeling invisible”.
😑
Article after article on this. Going back to 2013 all the way to current. They sure tapped into a niche market and magnified it, a big circle jerk of affirmations.
Some writers sound bitter, their 20 year old daughter is getting the attention, or any 20 year old is the ingenue. No man hold open the door. They don’t get catcalled (I’m sorry, aren’t we told by these same people that this is objectification and toxic behavior?). They don’t feel confident. The sales person ignores them. Blah blah blah.
This is foreign to me. Of course I’m not in the dating market. Is this the result of a type of thinking that gets stuck in a loop, rather than a person who just goes about their day, working on daily goals, big or small? Or is this main character syndrome?
Something popped up on social media and I just scrolled passed because it seemed stupid. Then I listened to a short excerpt from a podcast talking about this: women over 50 feeling like they are invisible. So I did a quick search online: “women over 50 feeling invisible”.
😑
Article after article on this. Going back to 2013 all the way to current. They sure tapped into a niche market and magnified it, a big circle jerk of affirmations.
Some writers sound bitter, their 20 year old daughter is getting the attention, or any 20 year old is the ingenue. No man hold open the door. They don’t get catcalled (I’m sorry, aren’t we told by these same people that this is objectification and toxic behavior?). They don’t feel confident. The sales person ignores them. Blah blah blah.
This is foreign to me. Of course I’m not in the dating market. Is this the result of a type of thinking that gets stuck in a loop, rather than a person who just goes about their day, working on daily goals, big or small? Or is this main character syndrome?
i personally think that this a result of the media. Movies and tv shows casting 20-25 yr olds as the main protagonists, one’s getting married, super hero’s etc. while women in their 30s and 40s address cast as grandmothers or pantsuit wearing, nonsexuals, or the ones being cheated on or left …. That is, when they are cast in anything at all. The women we all grew up with 10-20yrs ago, disappear from the gossip sites and magazines to usher in a new class of elementary school children. Meanwhile, Kevin Bacon is getting cast as the “hot” leading **newlywed** man at 62 years old opposite his character’s wife, played by 34 yr old Amanda Seyfried. 28 yr age difference and Amanda seyfried is supposed to be the appropriately aged choice for a 62 yr old man, Tom Cruise continues to play Ethan Hunt in mile-a-minute Mission Impossible sequels. Because…men don’t age, don’t slow down, and stay hot. But women don’t. That’s the message the entire machine that is the media sends and now it’s spread by a virus, where - for ex.
In an ep of Game of Thrones, the character Bronn decides to marry a woman to get her families castle. When it’s pointed out to him that she has an older sister and therefore will not inherit anything, Bronn replies by saying he already knew this information. That it isn’t an issue since: “She is an unmarried 40 yr old woman with no children.” Suggesting that he intends to frame an accident while she is riding her horse so that she is killed. …and it’s treated by the characters in the dialogue written by 2 men in their 40s like a reasonable plan by the character because her life has no more value since she can’t have kids and is over since she is 40. Meanwhile, the character Bronn is played by a 56 year old actor, written as though he’s some dashing and charming cutthroat. 2 episodes later, he’s being seduced by a 20 yr old girl who is a strong, intelligent and highly trained assassin. Because he’s …”so handsome and radiates sexuality??” I guess….is the message there….?
There is some reality to this. Post menopause, pheromones wane. It's something we tend to take for granted. I was warned ahead of time, which helped.
Once this happens, all men no longer fall over themselves to help you, though many will still assist.
I used to try to write about this... it's the reason to develop your character because you can't ride on your looks forever. An interesting, engaging woman will also be able to find company (of both sexes).
It's incumbent upon the individual to get along with others and also to recognize their circumstance. Great topic.
@elsa I think that’s so true: develop character. I think of all the women I know and like and there is something about all of them. Some are charismatic, some gracious, some funny, some warm, some just really strong and independent, even very opinionated women…they’re all more interesting than their appearances. And not downplay appearances; they may not be the thing that gets the foot in the door.
Also, in the end you have to live with yourself and why not cultivate yourself to be your own entertainment, amusement, or a source of interest and learning.
I also think that when people cultivate relationships or learn how, as you mention, they can get along with a number of people and the world won’t seem as cold or closed off, doors and opportunities slammed shut. Or at least it’s not so dire.
This is a very female-centric post and viewpoint. I think maybe many of us can recall a time when we realized we are older than all the young things. It sounds obvious, lol, but you do get that…hm, ok. And I guess it depends upon on how you internalize it: sadness, indignation, or, lol ok, no surprise.
I wonder how a man would view this, how they view a young woman vs a 50 year old. I’m wondering, here are some writers who are vocal about how they feel, but are men really ignoring them? Or, not to say they are always crass or lecherous but do they really even give it a thought? I’m not trying to play victim or ultra feminist, I just wonder what they think.
There are men looking for women over 50 but they have to be sane.
A lot of men do look for younger women too. I'm not denying that, but for a good man nearing or beyond 60, the SANE part is is paramount and they do want to feel an attraction and also have fun.
@elsa Sanity. Interesting. What might cause lack of sanity? That they have ridiculous expectations? Age-related? Different generation?
I’ve never thought of that before outside stereotypical memes and that doesn’t seem fair.
@allie120 I could not possibly list all the ways to be insane, especially today.
Women have the upper hand when they are young. They mature faster and tend to be smarter in many ways. They run circles around young men as a matter of course. But over time it shifts.
So in my mind, if you're still trying to run you 20's game in your 50's, that's insane.
I'm taking about committed relationships. A man over 50 is not going to partner with a 50 year old woman who failed to mature. Like why would he?
Men die before women - the whole thing flips as you age.
I think older women are seen as a population who potentially have capital to spare. They are also vulnerable due to becoming outsiders by dint of getting older, ie. not young. So they are targeted heavily by advertisers that play on their anxieties. This is after a lifetime of being targeted by constant aggressive advertising about how they should look and this is how women form identities, from looking, always looking at a reflection or image, not really about feeling and being in their body, it's all mental and based on ideas.
What I have found interesting is that there is a lot of media out there which seems to fall into the camp of 'supportive', 'wellbeing', 'healthcare', 'empowerment', but actually is just as imprisoning as the hardcore advertising. Often this media is created by or includes women but because they are completely under the spell of a whole paradigm that devalues women, they are really just keeping women stuck, even if they believe they are helping and mean well. The facts are useful but the feel of it is disempowering and rather victim-y.
@sophiab It definitely makes you think about how we are thought about in marketing and advertising. I sometimes see ads or entire sections in the newspaper for “Over 50” (and of course the subset for women). It makes me laugh and roll my eyes. As if I don’t know how to occupy my time, need new pastimes, or how to ask the doctor questions. But then it makes me wonder how many people out there need it. Chicken or egg question?
There’s some truth to it but there are exceptions to the rule. There are plenty of younger women who don’t turn heads either. I think it’s more about how you take care of and present yourself, along with passion and confidence. Lots of people lose that as they age, including men.
I also think no one wants to be unnoticed… invisible. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want to be noticed. We’re social animals. We need acknowledgment from other people. Granted this acknowledgment shouldn’t ideally be solely based on looks, but, there’s always an inner component to attraction anyway.
btw, I think younger people are more focused on looks, as Elsa sort of hit on it’s about hormone/pheromones, and the instinct to find a mate. So it would more than likely be the younger men “glancing over” the older women. But a 50 year old woman who’s developed her character isn’t going to be interested in a younger person anyway. I don’t see it bothering a healthy older woman. Older men who have also developed their character are going to be more interested in the women closer to their age, and they do still find older women attractive.
@sirena-oceana Fortunately healthy older women are in the majority what with the centuries of enlightened patriarchy we and our female forbears have been enjoying, so the advertisers are really wasting their time!