Dear Elsa,
Well, I’ve been wondering about something for quite some time now. It’s about my
sexual preferences. I’m aggressive. Touchy-feely and I tend to be insatiable when it comes to sex. Plus, I’m into girls as well as men. Umm. Maybe more in to girls than in to men.
But I don’t understand why I am this way. And I can’t help feeling partially uneasy about that. I mean, I’m not saying that I dislike being aggressive, kinky, extremely sensitive and very passionate. It’s just that I am perplexed as to what’s going on with my desire to be with mostly women. I don’t get why I look and feel about women as a man would, which makes me think that there might be something wrong with me.
I know there might be a chance I’m only overreacting as usual. Like I always do with most of the things that tend to happen or go wrong in my life. Because most of the time, the wrongs in my life happen from poor or impulsive choices that I’ve made and shouldn’t have even considered, which I do take full responsibility for. Mostly.
However, this one thing that might not be as major as I’m making it out to be is still a major issue for me. It still haunts me from time to time. And I wish I hadn’t been raised in such a strict Catholic setting as a child. With nothing but negative ideas and prejudices that stem from so-called traditional values or just ignorance. Not to forget either… birthed by a one-sided, judgmental mom who’s also a Pisces! What the bloody hell. She and I are like oil and vinegar, or night and day.
It sucks being the black sheep daughter. And eeling so out of place in my world as well as my family’s. So HELP me, Elsa! Please! Why am I like this? Is it because I’m a lesbian or because I’m all messed up?
Bugged About All This
Dear Bugged,
You sound just like your chart and that’s a compliment. It means you’re very self aware. Based on your post and your chart, I imagine you are a lesbian who might want a man now and then. We’re all on a continuum, you know. And you are a fine example of this.
You have Venus and Mars conjunct in Gemini. Venus and Mars in the same sign gives a terrific interest in sex and the ability to attract same. Gemini is inherently bisexual. Further, the conjunction is in the 8th house, (sex and taboo) so what do you think you’re going to do? Exactly what you’re doing!
So here’s the problem. You have a Leo Moon which has a person feel as if they are special. Like royalty! But this is a double-edged sword because there are certain (restrictive) ways royalty should behave. And further, you have Saturn conjunct your Moon and bottom line, you care what people think!
So considering all this, there is no magic bullet. All I can really do is validate you and let you know it’s an unsolvable thing. Because you’re drawn to the taboo. PERIOD. And taboo by definition is all things that scare the collective… the same collective you would like to be respected by!
So bottom line, you’re fine the way you are. You’re a catalyst for others whether they like it not. You’re a catalyst for others whether you like it or not. So I suggest you learn to like it.
And on the religion and whatever other challenges you encounter, you have a lot of company with that, so find some tribe. A lot of lesbians read here and hopefully they’ll show up in the comments. But I say, just keep doing what you’re doing. You have Uranus rising. You are an instrument of the universe. You are a force of nature and you are supposed to shock us.
Good luck.
As a gay man and former Catholic, I struggled with my sexuality for years. I spent a lot of time agonizing the same question you’ve brought up — “Is there something wrong with me?” Through it all its forced me to find myself and my own place in my family and in the world at large. While I firmly believe its a never ending process, at the end of the day, most days I can say that not only is there nothing wrong with me, there’s a whole hell of a lot that’s right. May you make that same discovery about yourself.
I just have to say, this really isn’t so unusual. Among my friends, the vast majority of the women are considered bi. Some lean more toward liking men, some lean more toward women, but none of us cares a bit one way or the other. A person’s character and general treatment of other people is FAR more important than who they’re attracted to. *shrugs*
I say, don’t sweat it. Just be you. Nothing wrong with it. 😉 The Catholic guilt will probably ease up in time.
“I am what I am, and what I am needs no excuses”,
“It’s one life and there’s no return and no deposit, one life so it’s time to open up your closet!” Gloria Gaynor
You are always going to be a sinner in the church’s eyes. Why not give them something to really damn you to hell with? ‘Cause you are going to go there anyway.
I had the same problem when I first came out all those years ago. I too am a Gemini. Just let it happen. You’ll know if it’s not for you.
I really think the Venus conjunct Mars aspect is a big key factor in determining sexuality. It indicates bisexuality at the very least. Now with me, I’m gay. Venus is conjunct Mars in Leo in the 8th House. And you know with Leo, it’s all about extreme affection and showing-off of sexuality. I’m damn proud to have Leo in this aspect! I’m also a Sun Libra (which I read somewhere that the air signs are more “prone” to homosexuality than the other signs). Interesting stuff, huh?
Paul: My mars is in Aries. My Venus is in Pisces. Both conjunct each other, AND my sun. No bi-sexuality here.
I don’t know that I’ve noticed a trend with it, really, but I guess it bears looking into.
Hi I know this is very late but I at 41 am questioning my sexuality. It’s like I woke up with a new awareness that women are attractive to me. Trying to find out if my chart speaks to this. Bd is 7-4-74 in cleveland, Ohio with birth time at 909 pm. Any thoughts?
Welcome, Tiffanei. I don’t think you can see such a thing in a chart. I also edited out your last name. I hope you don’t mind. 🙂
I read that presence of sappho asteroid can be an indicator but I don’t know how to find that in my natal chart
Not shocked. Probably because I too have Venus conjunct Mars in Gemini on the cusp of the 8th&9th houses (just inside the 8th though) and a Leo moon (10th) but with Taurus sun (8th) and Libra rising, and with split houses, so there’s more Scorpio in the 1st house than Libra. Never quite understood what that means, if anything…?
Anyway, I can identify with much of what you’re talking about and maybe that’s because I have some of the same placements. Or maybe it’s just not so shocking these days?