“I don’t want to say anything about that because it’s not my business,” I explained to my husband. “I try to stay out of other people’s business completely. Why piss people off by telling them what I think about things that are none of my business in the first place?”
“Bothering me? You don’t bother me. I want you in my business. I want you to figure out some of the stuff. I don’t have time to figure it out myself. In fact I’m relying on you so stop staying out of my business! Come on, P. Get in my business and get it in now, this is exactly what I want.”
When I was young I was pretty controlling but I have very strong boundaries now. They rarely fail and if you want me in your business, I have to be invited or asked directly for input or energy. Otherwise? Nothing.
What about you?
Strong about physical things (being pushed around) weak about emotional things (being puhed around!)…
I voted ‘under construction.’
Cap Moon in the 1st…Though I can totally relate to needing to be asked in before I start interfering with OTHER folks
For me, it’s the heavy duty Plutonian influence – all that Scorpio & Pluto aspects to personal planets plus Uranus/Sun/Moon trines. It took time – like years – but I don’t tell others how to live their lives & i don’t want anyone to tell me how to live mine. It can be extremely frustrating & a major energy drain to try to get people to change their behaviors. Seeing others set out to deliberately manipulate someone for their own “Good” sends chills down my spine now.
If someone asks my opinion, I’ll give it to them! Usually attempt to apply a measure of Libra tact to that Mars/Merc in Scorp . . . 😀
i have a 7th house saturn, so i do have boundaries and, usually, they serve me well. they’ve toughened over the last few years with my kids as i’ve experienced some – ah, frustrations? in that area. adult children with issues can challenge your boundaries.
but one thing i know: people shouldn’t ask me my opinion unless they want it. i have mars in scorp, and if you ask me, i’ll give you the real truth. i always try to say things in a caring way, but there’s no bs or sugar coming with it…
I chose under construction. I’m learning all about this stuff reading this blog. I am happier with boundaries and am learning how to build them, when to bend them and how I want to better communicate so I can express myself without controlling someone else.
Mine are variable, despite the inclinations to merge of my Sun-Jupiter in Pisces. My Moon in Capricorn tends to make me hesitant to plunge into other people’s dramas – out of a sheer need to survive all that frequently out-of-kilter energy. But, like most people, I am far less-guarded in the company of those I feel accepted and loved by.
Mind you, there are those I love against whom I wish I could erect and maintain better barriers. Very hard to do with my inordinately Plutonian immediate family: mother, father, step-dad, and younger brother.
with all the air in my chart — gemini sun, merc, mars and aquarius rising, how can my boundaries be anything but variable? — but saturn in virgo, 7th house square sun, does allow me to put some boundaries in place — or should i say, in stone. i’m generally easy going and like to allow a lot of give and take in relationships, but there are certain lines that just can’t be crossed.
I’m pretty sure I have ‘lined up fairly nimble trees’ as boundaries…not stone really. Moon tightly conjunct saturn in gemini (3 degrees) in the 2H.
Working on them too… am reading “boundaries”. As an empath I need the extra definition.
With all of my personal planets in Cardinal signs, except for a Taurus Mars which only moves at its own pace, I’m a textbook control freak. But as much as it might incline me to push others around, with maturity I’ve learned to respect others boundaries as much as I can, mostly b/c I can’t stand anyone violating my own. So yes, I need a clear invitation to get in someone else’s business. But being an Aries stellium, I usually send out an invitation by sharing my own business first. If they reciprocate, great; if not, oh well…
Mine have had to become very strong — in fact, they are so strong that even family and most friends can’t come in any more. It hurts my mother, I know, but I have to have them.
On the other hand, with my old Pisces lover, there were no boundaries. It was complete immersion. Pisces and empathy. That’s a hard row. It’s like that old Star Trek episode where the empath is willing to die to heal Cptn. Kirk and Bones. Two Pisces together, watch out.
Like the other cardinal ppl who have responded (5 planets in cardinal signs, strong Saturn), I do not offer help unless it’s clear that help is wanted or would be appreciated. Some people can’t verbalize their needs while others will say things they don’t truly mean so you need to exercise good judgment.
Definitely not a control freak here where other people are concerned — Aquarius Rising. I have had to set firm boundaries due to being taken advantage in the past (I have Pisces) — now I know where they lie.
Also lets me cut down on the drama, which is nice. People don’t fuck with you if they know you won’t take it.
With Pluto on my Leo ascendant, you wouldn’t think I would have to explain again and again that I have boundaries; it turned out that some people took my personality as a threat to their own boundaries, a truth that still astounds me. I do have strong boundaries, but they were violated again and again by people who should have known better. I think some people will take anything as a challenge.
With a Sun/Mars conjunction in Leo, and the Moon plus two other planets and the ASC/MC in cardinal signs, I push back and roar when people try to invade my boundaries. Needless to say, they don’t try it very much. 😉
Cap moon, a very cardinal chart in general, and lots of boundaries. I’ll drop a lot of them for my guy, and a lot of them for my best friends, but that’s about it.
I said under construction which is true – but damn, then there’s ‘variable’ too. Can’t I just say, I’ve got libra and can’t decide ?
*LOL at Amber*
I picked “under construction,” too. I used to think I had some pretty clear boundaries, and in some ways I still do, but I noticed I stuck my nose some places it didn’t need to be. So I’m working on that!
Saturn in Virgo conjunct Sun, Merc in Leo.
i voted strong boundaries. a rising sign cap, mars in cap,12th house saturn and leo sun….i just love to tell ppl how they shud live…lol. tho learning to control it. im a total control freak….i hate being attended to in clinics or salons….i hate feeling helpless. its a constant fight learning to let go n trusting others.
People always feel they can get in my business. Rarely do I cross the line and get into theirs unless asked to do so. Working on establishing clear boundaries with family, friends, and loved ones. Pisces ASC, Pisces Sun, Libra Moon.
Saturn in Capricorn here!
Like Elsa, I’ve learned boundaries the older I’ve gotten…When I feel my boundaries are being challenged, I use some good old fashioned saying like “Um, why do you think I can help you do _____?”
Usually the true colors show then…
Happy to see I’m consistent–voted ‘under construction’ last time, and today.
I’m working on setting stronger boundaries. For some reason (maybe because I’m Librs rising), people take advantage of me–and I let them. I have issues with disappointing people but I end up disappointing them eventually.
I’m a control freak but only with “my own stuff.” I don’t like others getting involved/knowing about my life. I have multiple personal planets squaring Pluto, Mars and Uranus in Virgo in 12th house.
i chose variable. it depends on which way you mean it. i don’t get too involved worrying about what other people do (i’ve always had something against that busybody type, having known quite a few such people where i grew up). but sometimes my boundaries aren’t so good in the other direction. it’s not others’ judgements of me per se, but just other peoples’ energies come seeping through. i guess that is the curse of moon-neptune. ambient stress or strain can wear me down. i absorb it like a sponge.
Variable. Am I working from my 29 Pisc Sun, or my mars/moon/asc Cap? My Saturn is exact on IC in Taurus, so once I “get” a boundary, I’m solid. It’s about not allowing myself to do the self-sacrificing go-ahead-and-run-me-over-if-its-best-for-you crap. (Yes, I have teenagers, why do you ask? 😉 )