Waking Up, Disillusioned


It’s such strange time.  There’s very little that people agree on. It so unusual at this point, there’s a new way to describe “agreement” and it’s step down from what was.  It sounds like this, “We think the same thing for different reasons”.   That’s about as good as it gets.

At this point in time, people are finding out things are not as they thought they were, or felt they were, or believed they were.  This is true in for everyone, everywhere, as far as I can tell, though the particulars are unique.

Let me give you some examples so we’re on the page.

  • You can go to the doctor at any time and get great care.
  • If you ever have a legal problem, you can hire an attorney and they will help you out. Further, justice will reliably prevail.
  • Employers care about their employees.
  • Various state agencies will help you.
  • You / your spouse will always be healthy.
  • So many other things..

Over the last six months or so, I’ve had numerous clients run into problems that turned out to be stickier than expected. The scope of the assorted problems is broad, but health is a big one.  If a person has never really been sick or they’ve not been sick lately, in many cases, they’re in for a shock when they set out to access health care and ultimately a cure or some level of relief.  This has become a protracted operation.

As another example, I was hit in my car by a gravel truck at 55 mph.  The other party is at fault, so my medical expenses will be covered, right? And my pain and suffering? And my loss of wages? Dream on.

I easily settled claims in two other accidents I’ve been in. This should be easy, right? Not anymore.  But there’s Better Business Bureau, right?


There is but they can’t help you. But there is your state’s insurance commission, right?

Oops, they can’t help me either.

Always a loophole. Always a rule or law you didn’t know about; maybe even a law no one knows about.  The settlement is like an imaginary pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. The fact I’m entitled to it is irrelevant.

What about needed home repairs? Easy to get this service, right? Maybe not.  But you don’t realize until you try to access the help. We had a brand new washing machine that broke in a month. Under warranty, right?  So no problem?

Yes, problem. Maytag has no service people in the area. So is there a warranty? Or is the illusion of a warranty? It took thirty phone calls and six weeks to get it fixed!

Everyone screams at everyone else, WAKE UP. But people don’t tend to grasp something or care about something until they’re personally affected. I’m not saying this is bad. People are busy!

That’s another thing. People are busy. Too busy to care, in many cases.  So you have friends, as far as you know. If you start needing them, chances are your circle will shrink.

There’s an endless list of things that play this way.  You thought you would love a person forever, and they, you. You thought your family member would or wouldn’t do this or that.  You thought your education set you up for life. You thought you could go to the bank and withdraw your money!

The first time I distinctly realized life was broadly, not what I thought it was was in 2015.  I tend to think I am right a lot so this news came as a true revelation and I wrote about it.

Humbling – When You Find Out You’re Wrong…

Back then I thought this was like a cool veil lifting, to show my my life was out of focus in some way.  There were no bad feelings attached.  That is the part that has changed!

After writing that post, I continued to hit walls and make corrections to my “paradigm”, but over time my feelings about this changed. Nearly eight years later, with Saturn in Pisces; real reality is disillusioning and that’s what this post is about.

If you’re just finding out that things you have assumed are not good and right and working as intended or described, it can hit you really hard.  We’ve got Pluto wrapping up in Capricorn. I’ve always equated that with “cracks in the foundation”.  Well these are cracks in your foundation. Or rather, your foundation has washed away, dissolving beneath you.

I’m putting this out there for people to discuss, but also to say, if this is happening to you, I can help. I’d say it’s because when I run into something horrible, I run right into the eye of the thing. It’s not a choice, it’s my nature. I’ve just always been interested in mapping hell so I get right in this, immediately.

Hell is what it feels like when you grab for something you need that you think is there; to come up with a handful of nothing.  This is especially true, if you try to tell someone what’s happened in you life, if it conflicts with what they believe. Since few have “common beliefs”, it’s easy to see why it’s the way it is at this time.

I think people are beginning to realize if they don’t connect with a human, soon, they could be stuck with machines.  It’s not too late to make a friend or be a friend… something!

31 thoughts on “Waking Up, Disillusioned”

  1. I love when you include an old post I remember, I can’t help but scan and see if I added my two cents. I did on this one. What I wrote is true but there is always more to the story, and some of that is true too.

  2. Well, l pretty much agree with all you have said here. I can’t think clearly or write much today. But did want to say…l have thought a lot about how l can better handle what l dont agree with. It is not a small thing with Jupiter in Scorpio con. a Sag. MC. Rather than argue the reality (each to their own) l can take it as metaphor and find meaning there…and say ok now what?
    Too tired to write on.( Try ‘F’d’ I don’t say it often…but l heard they took your words)

  3. Avatar
    Deborah L. Strifler

    Another illusion. I have a car with a recall. I call the dealership but they say, “Well, you’re not having a problem with it, are you?” I think to myself, is it because I didn’t buy the car here, they don’t want to be out any money? I call the dealership 2 hours away, where I used to live, and they say , “Of course, when can we take care of that for you?”

  4. I like the saying ‘ lets agree to disagree ‘

    Those ‘waking up’ will carry this thru (wherever) and it will be an imprint on their conscious minds and souls as they go. The plutonic corruption aka cracks in the foundation or plutonic destabilizing wake up calls will not be resolved in our life time but perhaps many of us will go with a shattered foundation and carry it thru unlike any other generation before us.

    We are only at the preliminary ‘wake up call’…baby steps but steadfast and hold true. Hold on to your morals, your conviction, your dreams and your heart and soul.

  5. Hi, Elsa,
    Check out the song “Rich Men North of Richmond” by Oliver Anthony on Youtube. I heard this song for the first time today and then by chance came here and read your post. Both seem to sync so amazingly and express peoples’ overwhelming frustration in these trying times. !I know I can relate!

    1. It is truly hard to find professionals who display a care -factor these days. It has been that rare for me, that when I do, I am pleasantly surprised. I always make sure I express my utmost gratitude/appreciation.

  6. In this environment, start thinking and analyzing everything independently, regardless of what “authority” tells you, which is often the opposite of the truth..Failing to do that could be fatal…

  7. My 2 cents? It’s only frustrating to bemoan that things aren’t as one thinks they “should be”, but more effective to deal with things as they are. In other words, the admonition, “work the solution, not the problem!”

    Additionally, as the saying goes, “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and the impersonators would be dead!”

    Yes, dealing with bureaucracy and corporate indifference can be maddening but perhaps the major outer planet transits of 2025-6 (Pluto in Aquarius trining Uranus in Gemini and Saturn conjunct Neptune in Aries) can bring about changes to the current malaise. Meanwhile, it is what it is so deal with it.

  8. I’m absolutely disillusioned for what passes as healthcare in this country. You don’t realize how crappy it is until you get some serious health problems. I also never realized that I could get a health issue that’s not covered by insurance and I have to pay out of pocket in the thousands and still have this health issue. I was never on prescription drugs before and now have to deal with getting certain drugs covered by insurance or getting the doctor to agree that I need this particular drug for my health. I have an auto immune illness but the tests don’t show positive yet for it so no rheumatologist will work with me even if I have the symptoms.

    The only good thing is I’ve learned to feel more compassionate towards those with health problems and those reliant on prescription drugs. I used to say don’t they know that stuff is poison and wonder why people stayed on prescription drugs despite the side effects and dangers but now that I’m forced to be on them, I realize sometimes you don’t have much choice. I would still rather do natural remedies but with gastritis my choices are now more limited.

    Anyway, feeling very disillusioned now. I think people are also waking up to the fact that the world is not anything like what we’ve been told it is from history to science, the moon landing! I just saw a video clip of Buzz Aldrin saying we never went to the moon. Probably old news for some but yeah that’s disturbing to know the amount of lies we’ve been told.

    1. He actually admitted it? Do you have a link for that? I wondered, after reading Dave McGowan’s masterpiece (still available online) Wagging the Moondoggie, how the astronauts could lie for so many decades with straight faces, accepting accolades as heroes. Not only that, Aldrin’s been a huge defender of tax dollars flowing to NASA. To support his stock portfolio, perhaps?

        1. Thanks! I’m sure the whole clip is even more interesting. Someone in the comments said that he admitted it on Conan’s show also.

    2. I totally get your message here. I’ve researched some alternative ways to treat arthritis because I refuse to use the pharma poison. I started with ketogenic diet and had immediate improvements but the real magic happened when I used the carnivore diet. It acts as an elimination diet as you can only eat meat, eggs and butter. It sounds crazy and gets a lot of negative press but that’s because it works and obviously many “organizations” would like you to disregard its effectiveness for one reason: no prescription necessary, and you already have to spend money on food, so it’s already in your budget. Dr. Anthony Chaffee, Dr. Sten Ekberg on youtube is where I started my search for info on this diet and how it helps auto-immune diseases. Best of luck to you.

  9. This is truth. I get it. Things are shifting,morphing not only black or white. We don’t give up or give in but we also have to be adaptable and spiritually open to the space in between.The wait.The universe has our back but we also have to have our own backs too and work with what we havd wherever we are.Continuing cultivating our lives with curiousity and acceptance of where we are and what we feel and think. Its shifting for the deep dive to our soul.
    Thank you for letting me kinda riff here. Love you Elsa🙏

  10. Well said. It is good to see others are noticing the extent to this as well. To your first point, it is difficult for me to converse with someone deeper than a surface level conversation when we disagree on something fundamentally. I don’t even let on that I feel differently, but I find it hard to trust someone who doesn’t “know”. I have more to lose than gain from a situation like that. (Can you hear the Scorpio part of my chart loudly enough?)

  11. Yep,shitshow playing repeatedly
    Just can’t figure out why folks are so
    Testy! I am trying to float past any negativity
    And humming helps.

  12. I think it’s been this way for some people and for a long time. The problem now is it’s more widespread. What used to be an issue of being underserved or ignored by some is now an issue of many more people getting the same treatment or (lack of) response.

  13. I’ve been saying for decades (since about ’92) our medical system is utterly broken.

    Apparently invisible illnesses like tumid lupus (ok I have a great rash) and temporal lobe epilepsy are as downplayed by medical professionals as by the rest of folks, so my lack of care for Long Covid doesn’t surprise me.

    I was the little kid who fought against tremendous joint and bone pain as a child, reckless in my physical activity to prove I wasn’t a wimp. Because everyone was in pain, right?

    Isn’t my heavy 12th House the house of being gaslit all the time? 😕 Maybe something like that has become a universal influence. Saturn in Pisces. Hm.

  14. Avatar
    Hildegard's Noviciate

    I’ve experienced this lately turning 60.
    This disillusionment I call a dark gift. Painful to deal with. Sense of betrayal and loss of hope because of the size of it. But at least it gives us a chance to try to change some of it for the next generation and not just leave it all to them to deal with it. And it’s good to realize that we have inflicted this all on ourselves(through inaction) because it means we own it and now can’t accept waiting around for someone else to come in and fix it.

  15. I used to say “if you want people to set up speed limits, you need raspberry jam on your car windows before it will happen”

    … Meaning that, it often takes a life (sometimes several) to get people to notice. I also think of the movie Erin Brockowich with Julia Roberts. That case took a lot of lives to get people to notice the situation.

    It’s like that today, even more. Politics are done because a person or situation becomes personal. Thus, all the drama in the media.
    People can’t relate to facts and stats. So, your uncle got sidetracked by another car? Sorry, but not my problem. I’m busy!

    “Oh, now my toilet is flooded because of the climate changes and I need to do something about it”

    That’s how the human mind works, and I am not saying it’s fair, but people don’t notice things until it’s personal or too late. Including the laws and legal regulations.

    It could be a brain thing: Always procrastinating until it’s urgent, to save as much energy and hazzle, and thus a survival thing. Just look how people behave when a ship sinks!

    For me, personally, I was unemployed from 2008 to 2012, during the financial crisis. I had to kick the officials in the butt, to get them moving, often being ahead of them, knowing about the rules and such. It paid off, I got my extra education by being proactive.

    But boy, was I exhausted afterwards, and then sh*t just kept hitting the fan. Spending so much energy on job hunting for 4 years, ensured I lost 3 friends when I needed them because I was busy keeping score of all the things I needed to make sure worked to my improvement and situation.

    On another note, Elsa, do you think the 2015 trend you noticed, has something to do with the Saturn-Neptune square at that time? I think it has a lot of the Saturn-Neptune flavour from around that time when Saturn was about to/traversed the land of Sagittarius.

    1. Re: 2015 I don’t know. The realization I was wrong about a lot of things just drifted in one day. When I decided to make a list, I had no trouble at all.

      I’m glad it happened. It set me up for this next 1/4 of a Saturn cycle (7-8), which has been spent, in large part, finding out what else I had wrong, then separating it from the world I live in today.

      I have also invested a lot of energy in discerning the effects of people and their lives and their loves, because of all the bs.

      I see virtually no conversation on these topics and I can’t start one because I’m probably ten years ahead. I’ve tried of course, numerous times, but I get nowhere so I’m forced to stand on the periphery and witness… which is hard to do, so I’m just turning into, Henry, who probably had a similar experience, seventy years ago. It explains a lot.

      1. I can imagine. Lists are like light towers sometimes. You know where to focus your energy and invest in the right things.
        Sounds like good timing, due to the things we are going through now.

        Astrology is so often about cycles, I think what you say makes total sense, about going back and being ahead simultaneously.
        I had an sort of “epiphany” moment in 2018 (I’ve had several through the years), but it suddenly hit, kinda like a neon sign just saying “From 2020 – innovate or die”
        I was quite puzzled but I still put up a note above my desk with the word, intrigued by what it meant. It felt kinda generic, but also pretty loaded with meaning.

        And then 2020 hit, and we all know what happened then..!

        I often find myself wanting stuff or thinking about things that doesn’t exist. Then, fast forward two or three years, and BOOM – I suddenly see EVERYONE wanting/doing or buying exactly what I was thinking about some years back. It’s really puzzling – but also pretty darn annoying, because I don’t want or need it anymore at the time it pops up.

  16. Good writing stays with me and makes me think and this has, Elsa. Poignant and soulful.

    I look at clothes not meant to last…so many throw away things in plastic. Colour choices for houses: beige and grey. Joyless consumerism.

    The biggest kick l got this week was making marmalade using Seville oranges from a local tree. Perfect fruit.

    I much rather fix something broken than buy new too. It made me think of Lost Trades and skills. We have things called Repair Cafes here. I had my beauiful old last century umbrella mended. People sit and have a cup of tea and a biscuit, that someone baked and brought along to share. It doesnt cost anything. Connections are made people talk. Kind of like here and I thank you for it.

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