I was talking to Ben today on the phone. Another stop on my Saturn transit Venus tour of my relationships. We’ve known each other for 20 years:
“Well we turned out okay. We’re all really good people,” I said.
“I try to be a good person. In the end, I guess we made it.”
“No. Well you are a good person, but you always were. You probably don’t know that, but back when we first met you were already a good person. You were a very good friend. You were a great friend to me. You were always very sensitive with me…about everything. You were always good to me, all the time. As good as a person could possibly be.”
“I’m very glad to hear that.”
“Yeah. Well that’s what you were…who you were. And you exposed me to art! This is what you need, you said. So you took care of that.”
“I’m glad, Elsa. I’m glad. When I was a kid I used to look in the mirror and pray to God I would be a good person.”
“Well you are.”
“That’s good. I am glad I’ve achieved that. But I have to go now. I’m dog-sitting and my house is dirty.”
“Bye.”
“Bye Elsa, we’ll talk again soon.”
Click.
These Scorpios. They all think they’re repulsive. It seems universal. In Ben’s case…well he’s biracial and he’s gay. He grew up persecuted as I am sure some of you can imagine. And it’s amazing how deep the wound. It is also amazing how deep the healing when it takes place.
I can imagine Ben as a little boy standing there in the mirror, knowing he’s inside out (gay) in a world that is mostly otherwise. He had to be wondering how he could possibly redeem himself, being as he was “sin” personified. The ugliest stories are always the most beautiful, aren’t they?
I have Scorpio rising, and I’d have to agree that’s true. I do feel like deep down, I’m pretty horrible to deal with and who’s going to want to put up with me.
No. There are plenty of hideous stories from people who don’t redeem themselves. This is all a credit to Ben, that his story is beautiful.
Eme – I agree. But there was really nothing wrong with him in the first place. But I think I know what you mean. What is striking is that he aspired to be a good person in the first place. Some people…well this never even crosses their mind.
Oh! And having the desire to be a good person in the world has got to dramatically increase the odds you manage!
thank you for this.
Everything you say is true. I was thinking that there was nothing wrong with him at all to begin with.
so simple and so profound.
I’m a Scorpio and usually find myself in a paradox of feeling like I’m a pretty good person for not being afraid to admit what an awful person I am. … That is, if I’ve done something to feel awfull about … Like losing my temper, or not picking up a hitch-hiker, (who didn’t LOOK like an ax-murderer).