Intense Suffering Unbeknownst To Anyone

“Well, you’ve suffered intensely your entire life. I’ve seen it, Elsie,” Scott said

“I know. People don’t know that.”

“They don’t know it, because you never put that stuff on your blog. I’ve never seen it.”

“Yes, I have. I put all kinds of stuff on my blog. But even when I say it, people don’t perceive it. They just think I’m someone everything always works out for. That’s what they see.”

“Well people do think that about you,” he said.

“Yep, there is nothing that can be done.”

He’s known me for more than 3 decades and I’ll tell you something else. My sister who has known me since I was born would tell me the same thing, as would HQ… as would satori, as would the AMF, as would Stevie, as would everyone else you have ever heard of on this blog and legions of other besides them and I just don’t know what to make of this really… outside of this post that is.

If you put Neptune on someone’s midheaven you can pretty much be assured a blanket of fog follows them wherever they go.

“If I had your life, I’d kill myself.”  So said the AMF. I just shrugged.

HQ: “Let me ask you this: Has anything good ever happened to you, Elsa?”

I think I’ve got to the point where I no longer want to show people something they can’t see but I remain interested in the phenomena.

20 thoughts on “Intense Suffering Unbeknownst To Anyone”

  1. Neptune makes me thin of wearing glasses. I have a shoebox full of glasses. Sometimes having them on makes you look different to other people.
    There are lots of glasses in different styles and all can make others perceive you differently.

    Then from the other side is the lense or the tint of color. The person who is wearing glasses can see things differently or not see them at all.

    Curious things what of those who need glasses but have no idea there vision is impaired ?

    Or those who are born blind.

    Why do we to put sunglasses on them ?
    So we don’t HAVE TOO SEE THEM …
    Neptune ….

  2. Well the most important thing (for me) a person might take from this is:

    *If* it is possible to set aside your perception of me and assume (if only for a moment) that all these super-intelligent people who are or have been very close to me for years actually do know what they are talking about, then it should be really, really easy to understand why I only have so much time for people who want to cause or create problems for me (or anyone else).

  3. I don’t know why you should give any time or focus to people who want to cause or create problems – that sucks energy away from those who really need your attention (family, etc)

    I guess I am just not capable of expending any energy trying to convince others of anything. I don’t care what they think, as long as they keep their shit out of my life.

  4. I don’t know I kind of wrote that neptuney..

    part of what I was trying to write. Society makes a lot of blind people wear glasses. (Not all of them but a good majority of them) Think of the irony of that.

    I can’t really even write a good explanation .

    Perception and glasses and neptune.

    Think of all the different reason people wear glasses. (And glasses were created to help eyeballs function better.)

    People who look at people wearing glasses

    People looking through the actual glasses

    Why people are wearing the glasses in the first place.

    Neptune take a very logical function like glasses and bamm it something different.

    And that all goes back to “Scott’s glasses”

    And remember I am perceiving this with my own neptune glasses.

    My 4th house Neptune assumes everyone has intense suffering too or from or on the account of home and family..My own definition of family is also changed by the neptune glasses.

    To me Elsa I am looking at the world from underneath the water always and too me you are looking at me from on top of the water.

  5. I have to say that it lands on the other people, not so much you elsa… when other people can’t see clearly, it has something to do with them (and their chart) – as much as or more than you and yours

    I have neptune, uranus and my asc in sag – people don’t really know how to see me, but some do (those that do tend to realize I’m actually a good guy with something to offer).. most people never take the time to squint, and so dismiss me as some kind of idiot savant crossed with punk rock rebel…something to be shunned, ignored or often insincerely hated…that’s their fault, not mine – their loss, not mine…

    don’t ever put it all on yourself when it’s others that need to put forward 🙂

  6. “I have to say that it lands on the other people, not so much you elsa… ”

    Actually it is on me. It is my midheaven with Neptune conjunct and what I am trying to convey here is universal which means even the people who can usually see can’t see, at least not consistently, which is exactly what Scott is saying in the piece.

    He witnesses decades of my suffering – he KNOWS but simultaneous erases the knowledge.

    It is a disturbing thing for all involved – must better to act like it doesn’t happen.

  7. I guess it comes down to my belief that others are so very much better at beating up on us that it’s best to leave the job to more capable hands

    I fall into the group of projecting in this case. If they can’t see truth, it’s their fault – their neptune

    we’re not all meant to see eye to eye in this world (though it’d be easier if we could). when it comes to others not seeing us for who we really are and what we really experience, I say “let them eat cake!” 🙂

    (yum – suddenly have an inkling for cake myself)

    considering this from the “others” perspective, can you blame people for not wanting to see suffering? we all want happy lives and focusing on other’s suffering is something that detracts from our own happiness (in most cases). in that, focusing on our own suffering is the same…I often find myself dismissing my financial woes, my childhood hardships, my breaking/broken heart in favor of planting turnips or listening to the first spring frogs. hardship is downright difficult to see by it’s very nature – it challenges us to examine our own self/ego and poke at our battle wounds. not many of us truly enjoy that kind of pain

  8. it was more obvious on your original blog. but i see no reason why you should feel the need to write about it more than you do..

  9. wyrdling – that is because it’s so fruitless for me. I have figured this out over the years and I don’t mean superficially.

    I try to write things on this blog that people can understand as it it very hard on me when they do not understand.

    It is another way for me to be mistaken as… whatever and as I have said many times, it’s exhausting.

    If anyone could really parse what the fuck is written there they would realize that IN REALITY I was born into hell and will not escape except by death which I have wished for (in vain) for 40 years.

    Ironically this relief is something people who love me have no choice but wish to deprive me of, it’s quite a conundrum.

    But no one should worry. I bet you anything I am still here, workin’ in this dirty grave for decades to come and if I am wrong about that anyone who actually cares about me should rejoice.

  10. I think it is the fact that you have been to hell and back and lived to tell about it that is so wonderful and how you are able to write these posts so beautifully and intuitively. I am glad for it! If you can use that for this, you have done a great thing, in my opinion….

  11. “If I had your life, I’d kill myself.”

    I mean come on. What word is confusing?

    That is out of the mouth of Sun, Mercury, Venus and Saturn in Scorpio – 8th House!

    And the soldier. He spent half his life sleeping on rocks eating bugs for breakfast. He has spent his life in countries ravaged by war and calls my life, horrible? Awful? Do you think he has not know what horrible and awful mean?

    He knows I would make it through the same torture school he did, does this not register?

    I have been told I’d have been better off in a concentration camp by people who KNOW me and then people who don’t know me tell me… well they tell me some weird shit, how about that?

  12. For example, I am a “Rush Limbot” have you heard?

    ::rolls eyes::

    Where do they get this shit? Who are they talking about?

    It’s like fucking brain cancer or something it is so delusional.

  13. ..that’s exactly what you meant… people will feed off that kind of thing like… vampires, i guess.

    no need to share it, i think.
    but if you don’t, then your average person won’t grasp it.

    though, honestly, i think what you’re living through with mosta is enough to make anyone pause and realize you don’t have it easy…

    maybe people won’t take your word for it. but that’s their problem. i mean, you don’t _have_ to prove anything to the blog world, do you?

  14. ….i missed the part about it being hard on you when they don’t understand… i think if there’s any way to work around that… well, because, there’s a lot of people that never will. the kind of things you’ve lived through are alien to a lot of people, no matter whether they’re right there in front of them or not. people are good at ignoring how horrible the world can be.

  15. “people are good at ignoring how horrible the world can be.”

    That’s true in way but I’ll tell you what is even truer:

    Some people’s pain they can see and they offer compassion. Other people get dirt kicked in their face. I’ve made a few videos, maybe you recall. “My sister and I in a controlled experiment,” might ring a bell.

    See, I am not just finding this out and this is why it cannot be refuted. It’s because I not only know what I am talking about superficially or sort of, I know this stuff like I know my name.

    Some people know how to put on makeup. I don’t. But I do know this stuff and I mean I know it COLD.

  16. This is just a kernel, but I’m wondering if something that was written by Carrie on the boards relates here… Are you also the rock for people in your personal life? You definitely are on this board. I see such inner strength, which might draw people to you for their comfort. On the other side, when people are looking to you for their emotional needs, they might be looking at only the strength and not wanting to see the pain. Who heals the shaman?

  17. Mmm… Neptune flat MD
    “nobody can see you”?
    that sounds like a envy,
    wearing sun glasses?
    Thats because you are Shining.
    Well, i put all virgo/cancer of my family
    in a big cooking pot,
    Im a very good taurus Chef.
    Who says fear..?
    Neptune in MD, Is the truth in yours hands??

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