Hi, Elsa,
Mercury is in retrograde, I’m a little nervous about the wedding. Actually the plans were fine up until we entered retrograde then it all fell apart. The wedding is still on. Now my fiancé threw a promotion that he received at me. Did he have to accept it no. He really wants the position. So with much discussion and after hours of frustration I said fine, let’s try it. With mercury in a shift I just can’t help but think this is a bad idea considering we would be making a huge move to another state 6 hours north of where we currently live. No friends or family, and I have to leave my current awesome job.
I just can’t get him to see how this is not a good idea. I have read about the dangers of retrograde periods and I just think everything will not turn out as he hopes it will. I can’t get him to change his
mind and feel as if I’m not being listened too. While also feeling like the wedding we have been planning for six months doesn’t matter. All of which I have discussed to him till we’re blue in the face.
I’m a Taurus on the edges of Aries he’s a Sagittarius on the edges of Scorpio. This head butting is driving me crazy and the fact that he won’t see my advice is really nuts. Can people survive a marriage and a promotion during a tumultuous time?
Frustrated
Dear, Frustrated.
To answer the astrology part of the question, yes a couple can survive their wedding, a move and a promotion all at once, if this is what they want to do. They can easily bond together and get through these things and a lot more.
I doubt this is the core issue. First, I’d point out that people get nervous when planning a wedding. It’s not uncommon that couples fight. It’s greatly stressful. It’s often expensive. Families are involved…never mind you’re making what is meant to be a lifelong commitment. So just keep this in mind. You’re probably both stressed…and then along comes this promotion.
I would consider the retrograde period a chance to (re)consider if you really want to get married. That’s not to suggest that it is a bad idea! I don’t know if it is a bad idea. But I do know that if a couple can’t agree on something and work together to achieve it, you’re going to have a hard time staying married.
I can’t be sure from what you wrote, but it sounds as if your fiance did consult with you before taking the job. That’s good.
Did he wear you down? Sounds like it. But you said, okay, and no you want to renege.
Do you know for sure this is a bad idea? Doesn’t sound like it. Promotions aren’t necessarily easy to come by.
This sounds like a basic power struggle. Once married, who is going to have the final say? Who is going to be the one to sacrifice?
You?
Him?
You and then next time, him?
Rather than approach this fearfully, I would try to see it as an opportunity to practice resolving a conflict in your relationship. If you can’t do it – if both of you want to come FIRST at whatever cost, that’s a clear sign that it’s the wedding would be the mistake, not the move.
Back to the astrology; to marry can be seen as a promotion. He’s got another promotion to go with it. Fire sign! He’s on the move! But you’re a Taurus and you’d have innate resistance to chance.
If you’re getting married, that’s change – yes? Do you want this change?
Awesome job or awesome man? Life you have…or life you are going to have, which is unknown?
You didn’t send either chart, but Sagittarius likes to leave. They like to move! Taurus does not. You may be finding out you’re not that well suited to each other. If this is the case, better to know before the wedding.
Last, you say he’s not listening to you, but I doubt this is the case. I’m sure he heard you, blue in the face. He just wants to go and that’s all. So do you still want him?
Got advice for this gal? Serve it up!
Have a question about astrology or life? Ask here!
I don’t think this is what she would want to hear but I think she needs to put the wedding on hold. She’ll lose money, yes, but she’ll retain her peace of mind. This is a decision they have not worked out very well and it seems like it would be a rushed decision to get married, leave her job, and move to a new state. Meanwhile, he has a new job and he’ll make new friends while she’s stuck at home with no one she knows. I feel bad for her because, as you said, Elsa, a Taurus woman and a Sag man aren’t going to be wanting the same things in life, and even if they do want the same things, their approach is going to be significantly different.
Go ahead and get married. Then he goes to that new job alone, and proves he can hold it for a year. She stays put, in case his new job doesn’t work out. This economy is too weak for her to be leaving a great job behind. I have married friends who weren’t able to live together until their children were almost ready for kindergarten.
I say, trust him.
Trust that the marriage will be as good as anyone else’s.
Trust that he deserves to take the promotion, with your support.
This is not a control battle.
This is a privilege.
You get to prove that you trust him and love him and trust that nothing is more important that you and he Together. That’s life.
Decide to go with life, instead of sheltering against it!
Decide to go with him, your husband.
Make it a path. Just say “We’re on our path!” How thrilling!
“Let’s trust and support each other!”
“I want the best for you. I trust I can get another even AWESOMER job.”
This invitation, this promotion, is a gift!
Why look a gift-horse in the mouth?
It is not a health problem, an accident, a loss, or anything negative… It is a gift, and it could be the defining act that makes the connecting, binding, intimate path that you both embark on.
I say, talk it out in that way.
Then, if HE gets cold feet, you can be the compassionate and flexible one, but you come out smelling like a rose, instead of putting on the brakes, and not letting him find out what you are both capable of.
It’s just a thought. Nancy (248) 622-0668 just trying to help. I do Russian Gypsy Tarot cards and Animal totem cards if you’re in the neighborhood of Troy, MI
If y’all are really meant to last, six hours for a period of time is a survivable distance. I would suggest letting him move and take the promotion, staying where you are and keeping your job, and calling off the wedding until everything can be sorted out, one way or the other. It will take time. And, don’t fall victim to the sunk-cost fallacy: the time or money you’ve already spent on planning the wedding should not factor into your decision at all. There’s no way you get all that time and effort back either way. You have to decide what’s best for you now. I would see this whole situation as a test of the potential for the relationship to last. And if y’all are serious about marriage, you should expect that your relationship can last, enough to weather something like this. If he can’t accept your decision to stay for the time being, he isn’t the right guy for you. Don’t let yourself be rushed into such a huge decision.
If you decide to quit your job and go along with him, I would suggest you own your choice. If something happens and his job doesn’t work out, and tension brews and you’re stuck up there without a support network, it will be a situation you willingly put yourself into. I know that sounds intense but I think viewing it this way will help you make a more informed decision now.
hi promotion is not gonna pay off as expected
his
Elsa, you’re one smart cookie
?
Thank you. 🙂
Elsa I was chuckling as I read your response as you made all of the exact points I was thinking. I agree 100 % with everything you said. I also think it’s funny when people think they aren’t being heard because they can’t change the other persons opinion.
what i’m wondering about his chart too, he sounds super stubborn.
Why not let him try the promotion out, on his own, then join him there later if it really does work out? You’re the one who is assuming it won’t work out, not him. That way you have time to ease into the transition but he doesn’t lose the chance to try out an opportunity that “might” benefit you both in the long run. You should trust he has your best interests at heart or why be with him? I think it’s ridiculous to ditch a relationship over something as trivial as location. You’ll make new friends and can still keep in contact with your old ones. If it doesn’t work out, he can always come back home to you. You’ll not only still have your awesome job, but you’ll both not have the hassle of moving residence. Let him stay in a weekly hotel while he’s test driving that promotion. Nobody said you had to move up North at the same time. Tell him you’ll meet him up there but you need time to get your affairs together and transition for the move. Everybody wins.
It’s sounds like the enquirerer wants to hear something along the lines of “He is wrong, I am right”! When Sag wants to go go go, tossing on the ball’n’chain the worst possible choice one can make. “He’s not listening” to me translates to “I’m not paying attention to him”.
However, this can still be worked out. Perhaps all the wedding plans falling through is the universe saying that now is not the time to get married, and maybe you should hold it off until you’re both free of conflict.
You don’t want to move and lose your own job, and I can relate to that. Have him spend some time in the new location before deciding if the promotion is worth relocating the family. It just may be that the man will get tired of it and want yonmove back.
Elsa, right on!!! So well analysed, good questions and comments.
The truth hurts, but not more than building a marriage on shaky ground.
(And Taurus-Sagittarius a **difficult** combo…)
I’d say, give it time before marrying, regardless of cost & upset to family. Normally they want what is good for you, and more time may be what you need.
He got a promotion and after hours of discussion, she said she would let him take it …
Oh dear.
Somebody said, the promotion won’t pay off as expected. I’d go with that. Let him go. He’ll probably be back.
I rarely answer here on the Home (front) Page. But this has me intrigued.
I’m assuming this is a young (20-sh) woman. So of course she’s wanting to keep her fiance close. As others have mentioned…. this is an excellent time to learn how to be alone. Military spouses do it all the time. So….. she needs to learn how to trust him, and find other ways to occupy her time.
I recommend she keep her current job. In this lousy economy, why give up a good job? Nothing says she has to…. except she wants to be near her man. I say it’s not necessary (being near each other).
Others here suggested she stay put and he go on….. Great Idea!! Again, similar to military: Promotions don’t come every day (unlike pizza)…. his talents are being recognized. Go for it!! Many things could go right-wrong, but he’ll (and she) never know if he can handle the challenges if he doesn’t accept promotion.
If she (and he) can’t learn to work to work together when physically apart (delay in communication / can’t “read” each others faces-emotions), how can they work when together?
I’m an old man. I’ve seen my junior troops make mistakes, some simple to correct, other required time (and many nights in the perverbial “Dog House”), and a few that nothing could mend. This young Ladys’ dilemma seems to me to be easy solution….. but it’s hard on the heart. Nothing else forges a stronger bond than being apart….. well, maybe shackle and chains.
I am not an expert on relationships but wanted to chime in. As a woman, if you chose to put all your eggs in one basket, you might be devastated when those eggs are shattered. It is best to look at options such as let the fiance try the new & better job while keeping one’s own livelihood.
Since you love your job and you have hesitations about moving, why not stay and let him go get his promotion? You can also let him go first, see how it turns out, then decide what to do. If he’s all settled in his job and loves it, you might consider trying to find a position where he is, or see if you can do long distance. The job market is pretty horrendous, so if you decide to move, I would suggest finding a position for yourself before you move. I don’t want you to be trapped in a strange land with a guy that you don’t like.
You can figure out if the relationship is still workable.
I’ve got this idea that Taurus is home base, and Sagittarius would keep coming back to home base in-between his adventures and travels.
I know it’s hard to keep a relationship long distance. It is HARD. It’s hard to be married to anyone that has to travel a lot, but people do make it work.
There’s an actor I like who is married to an actress. They only see each other a couple times in the year because they have grueling schedules, but you can tell they really love each other.
So, if you are the type of people who love each other and can BOTH make it work, I think you two could be satisfied on the job front and love front.
Hello all,
Thanks for the nice comments and bits of advice. So how did I do? Well, I stayed in my home state, but not before we took the plunge and moved everything north to the next state next door. OUCH! We are still married. The manageable thing would have been he take the promotion and stay up there with family friends instead of getting a place to live. We didn’t go that route. So all in all three months later he’s unhappy with the promotion. He’s unhappy with the job. I kept my job after realizing it’s a tourist trap with seasonal jobs. It only took him experiencing it to realize why it wasn’t going to work. His main reason for not liking the position is lack of communication with the men above him. When trying to ask about issues related to training him for the job he’s been scoffed at and pushed out the door with no idea of what to do. He’s had the ability to call his former supervisors for help which is at least something. He’s learned some things while being there, but he’s dissatisfied with how they run things. It’s very disorganized. Oh, we also had two break ins and one of our dogs hates it there. He’s turned into a howling mutt who never howled before. So what’s the verdict? Well, I get to stay in my current job and we figure out how to get out of a lease and move back. Then we become organized, take a step back and we get caught up on things financially to get our own space and stop bugging family. Fun times… So thank you, and next time I’ll just remind him to listen to me and his superiors who recommend that he should not do something because it affects everyone.