This is primarily a question for Scorpio, 8th house or strong Plutonians…
Assuming that you can generally detect a person’s motives, how do you respond when something shifts and you’re no longer sure what a person near you is up to?
Let’s say that one of your allies acts in a way that makes you wonder if a friend may have become a frenemy.
How do you deal with this?
I stay extremely controlled, on guard, and I run “tests” whenever the moment appears to do so
Yes. Me too. Just stay very alert and cautious. Stop being so open and start protecting.
On the rare ocassion that happens, I listen and watch. Keep it simple. Typically they aren’t people I would hang around any way.
Ask myself first, if I’m not paranoid. I can be. Then step back and watch. Sometimes people act weird with you because they have something to deal with and which has nothing to do with you.
I get really quiet. I wait to see if they’ll tell me what they’re up to. Whenever we spend time together I just don’t talk, beyond basics. If they don’t say anything, I’ll ask them but in a really controlled, precise way. I have Scorpio Mercury so I do know how to choose words carefully, when the situation calls for it. I make some hardcore eye contact during these times 🙂
Sit back and watch the show 🙂
I wouldn’t give it much thought ( kinda draining)
But it depends if their actions really effect you and they purposefully and maliciously are attacking you,or just creating drama cause there bored:)
interesting question
Observe them. When I get that feeling, that someone secretely hates me, it’s never wrong. If it’s something I did to make them change feelings about me, if I really think it’s worth it, I prove I made a mistake, or change my behaviour etc…. But I’ll never tell them what I knew. If I think its unfair they’ve changed feelings or all attempts to help repair the relationship fail to work, after a short period of resentment, I just vanish. (pisces planets in 8th)
The older i get, the shorter the resentment periods. Sometimes I never think of the person again because its a waste of energy.
I should mention, not everytime I vanish does it mean something like this. Sometimes its for unknown reasons. I don’t know why Pisces vanishes sometimes. Right now, I’m vanished from a plethora of people…I guess because I don’t see them understanding my reasoning for vanishing to begin with. (my husbands control) I’m supposed to explain this? My 8th hates suspision from others so I just wait until the right timing to pop back up.
Just watch and listen…
Agreed. Vibes are always real. Skedaddle!
I pay very close attention, make mental notes and wait for them to f’ up. Eventually I will confront, if it’s a relationship I have valued, but if not, audios! I’m not very trusting to begin with, so it’s rare that someone would get that close to me anyway.
You become a detective. Either your feelings turn out to be truth or you can disprove them. But poor soul who turns on me and lies through it. The confrontation is always with proof. One two punch! Done.
Start digging. That sounds so wrong, but in my experience, by the time I have suspicions, there is proof somewhere.
Compared to regular people, my suspicions come a lot sooner so it seems I’m really on it. But there’s just a point where you would be exposed to hurt if you don’t know the truth so it’s in your best interest to find it out.
Still ahead of the game, you can take a moment to figure out what to do without acting rashly. You keep your retaliation/plans in your pocket, knowing you can use as needed. This allows you to remain cool and watch what they do. You know you can hit back hard if you want, or you can take the higher road because they can’t really “get” to you, since you are well aware of what’s happening.
All that is being a Scorpio, lol.
Two Leo’s that I know just did this. (no offense Leo, I love Leo) I talked about the first one here. He was sniffin’ round my biz and claimed he loved me and wanted to work with me. I did some detective work. I always do. But, its very ‘on the down low’. Found out some shady things he is known for and did some facebook digging only to read some shocking things. (that he said about me) (what a dumb ass to talk about me without fixing privacy settings on FB)
I confronted him. Not in a nasty way. I told him no, I wouldn’t work with him and may sue him… and I told him don’t bother me again because I knew xyz… he was horrified I found out xyz and I have never seen nor heard from him again. He doesn’t want me to unload all that, and he thought I might tell the world. (I never will) He shriveled up and went bye bye. That was a good day.
Same thing happened again with another Leo. Business is competitive so I get that I guess, but I don’t compete with these people. I stay in my own zone. This was a she. Acted like a friend. Turned on the fuzzy warm love and my radar went off. Asked me to meet for lunch. I sure did. Antenna up the whole time. I let her talk. 10 minutes in I knew she was full of %$#$! I stayed an hour, and even paid for both of us. She invited me to see her place. (Because she wanted to get inside mine) I went. She never got in mine. HA….it was never going to happen. We parted friendly, then I disappeared. I wont be seeing her again. But, I was nice.
I do my private detective work before I let anyone in. They don’t even have to be known as shady. It’s rare I let anyone get close to me ….just like kab…it would be very hard to do because I have lived long enough to know better and I swim in a very small pond. I mean, I am around dozens of people every day. But we talk about the weather and who won the ball game. That’s it.
Also like PIseas I don’t hold on to resentment anymore. I don’t have the energy to waste. I just push them out of my mind and forget them.
I’m careful. I watch. I listen. I even pay attention to eye contact, and body language. It’s amazing what you’ll find out if you just let someone talk and sit back and observe.
I had a friend for 30 years. We would go have lunch and talk. We talked about private things. If I was hurt over something I always thought I could talk to her and trust it would go no where. Until, she talked shit about my kid to a person who repeated to me what I talked to her about word for word. She is dead to me now. And, she doesn’t seem to know why. I can call my kid an asshole when I am hurt and need to talk….but no one else can.
30 years. I will never speak to her or go near her again. Ever. And, she will miss the friendship I gave. I was good to her and she knows it. I will miss who I thought she was. But she cant be trusted so why waste another moment with her. It would be wasted time that I don’t have.
You have the best posts. I always enjoy reading them.
Leos can be a challenge. I have had some challenging situations with Leos that start out being friends but over time become competitive and just want to use me. I have learned to watch them carefully. They love attention, and become intrigued, challenged, and competitive when they find that the Scorpio gets attention without trying so hard to be in the spotlight. I use to gravitate toward them, but these days I am cautious.
I would like to add…. I love you Scorpio peeps! Feels good to know I am not the only one giving the side eye! 🙂
Go on high alert, take observation up a notch, start gathering evidence. But in the meanwhile, I wont show the that I’m suspicious or confront it at all, I’ll act as normal as possible EXCEPT I will stop getting personal and confiding any personal information. As soon as I find I have enough evidence to back up my intuition, I’ll withdraw completely. They’ll probably act as if they never saw it coming. Whatever.
I slowly, quietly let go…distance myself. But I am very aware it’s possible to get something like this wrong. So I don’t make assumptions.
I also don’t dig. I’d rather not know. Really.
I have come to understand the only people that matter one whit, are those you stand by who stand by you. Everyone else is like “catch and release”.
Sadly, it is those who stand so close that can do the most harm. That’s what I’ve found…. and you can never tell in the beginning. Scorpio Ascendant, Strong Pluto, Mars in the 8th… have to dig.My Venus/ Neptune Scorpio sets me up for the fall… and I usually always find it…
“””Picture yourself as a bird, looking down at yourself, and watch what you do “”. ( pretend your watching yourself)
That should give you an idea of how to deal with the situation. And your not disowning yourself ( because you are still attached) in the process.
( different perspective ) minus the escapism.
But intuition is always there
Maybe not
Those catch and releases were experienced on purpose, perhaps 🙂 that’s why they ( person) are in your dreams
Maybe not
I really like this eagle’s eye idea. I have used this with setting goals and dealing with non-people related problems and it has helped a lot. Thanks for that!
Discerning, feel like it’s a theme in my life. Scorpio sun, Venus and Neptune in the 7th. I withdraw, back up slowly and the wall goes up, sometimes takes awhile to learn what’s really up.
When I get the feeling that an ally is no longer on my side exactly I see it as a signal to examine the situation. First question I ask my self is it me or them or the situation. Why is my friend not as excited about this as I am? Whatsup!
They’re automatically on a leash.
And if we have to hand out within a group of us, fine, I will tolerate that, but I usually withstand the uncomfortable settings more so that others so I will the battle of attrition and eventually others will see it my way and they too add a leash.
Odd because this is happening now.
My friend and I began a project years ago, and a friend of ours, who also has a friend, decided they wanted to “join in”. I already knew how snake-ish they were just by their word choices and actions, but it took my stubbornness over the last year for my friend to change his mind as well. We talked and without me provoking him admitted that he’s “seen the light”.
Scorpio gut will not get the intentions of others wrong. At least that is my experience. I distance myself immediately, usually without confrontation. My libra moon does not feel comfortable in that kind of emotional upheaval.Usually, they do not understand what hit them. Others are unaware that they are overtly untrustworthy.The Scorpio has a high standard, the highest really, and expects highly ethical behavior. The live their lives by that standard and so they expect nothing less from those in their circle. The consequence of this is naturally a very small circle. It can be lonely , it can be frustrating but theirs is a life of scarcity. They are repeatedly tested with conflict and hurt but they know who they are and what they stand for. It is the hardest path to walk, it is the path of integrity in a world without any. There is no need for dead weight, we walk faster towards our destination without the added weight. Shedding dead weight and burdensome people and things seems to be what life inScorpio/8th/Pluto is all about. A true friend would never even make you wonder of their intentions. Most people are not capable of being a true friend.It is the true realist Scorpio that knows this only too well. We seek quality relationships and we find them rarely but when we do we love them fervently and are the most intensely loyal people on the planet.
I’m a bit surpriced not many people – I see soup mentioning business here – have mentioned this happening at work, because that’s where I have to deal with this. In private life, this is really easy. You just amputate the people, period.
But at work, you always can’t. I’ve been caught in really nasty office politics because of a Boss who “divides and rules” for the past 5 years. I’ve come to think that this hasn’t been a concious
(continue) choice from him, or that he has been more or less genuinly convinced what he is doing is “good leadership”. He isn’t very bright in that sense.
Unfortunately, some genuinly nice, but young, inexperienced and probably not very Plutonian, people have not been able to see when our boss has been up to, especially if they’ve been the mildly favored people. So, I’ve had to deal with people I work with well, who like me and who I like, possibly unknowingly giving our boss something that will be used against me or even themselves, when they fall out of favor.
So, the way I’ve dealt with this is to feed them small, relatively innocent pieces of information about things in which I know our boss is bending the rules. If they are eager to please, they go to the boss with this. The consequence is that the boss has to tell everybody that “the rules are these, but we are doing it this way”, thus making it apparent the person in question has talked to him, and also incriminating himself. I suffer the small damage of having done things “by the book”.
well people are ruled by their subconscious so..If a person has a lot of internal conflicts they start to act them out and to project them on the people closest to them. It is sad this human life.
This is common. It’s why I don’t rely on suspicion alone. I keep in mind, I could be wrong until there is no doubt.
But I drift away because I’d rather spend time with people I’m sure of, who are sure of me.
It’s definitely no fun being around someone who doesn’t trust you, and is always questioning your motives.
I would trust my gut feeling, and as soon as I get that feeling, close down the sharing. However it’s no good expressing your reaction to anyone, or by giving examples of their behaviour, as they will say you are overreacting! Decide to distance in due course. Once the trust goes you can’t get it back no matter what they do, or if you try to go back to how things were before. And maybe it’s all part of moving on and letting things go that no longer serve you.
That’s what I have found to be true having jettisoned a whole social group and its sad but I feel lighter for it and more able to look to the future.
i am a 0 degree scorpio, with aquarius moon. i think a true scorpio will confront and move away. but if you love those people, you will never stop loving them. so you carry it.
Act normal, but minimize your reliance on them in every way, watch and wait to see how the situation develops.
Keep an eye and ear out to see what’s going on in their lives, or who else they’re associating with that may have affected their mood change.
I back off subtly without letting on, you know, detach emotionally, then I watch more closely for clues. If necessary I test and if I suspect for sure, I confront. Alternately, I might just disappear. Really, I’d be happy if people left me alone under my rock, ha ha.
❤️
If I suspect someone is a frenemy, I watch them very closely and don’t say too much. I let them do all the talking and watch their body language. I might even test them discreetly, just to see their reaction. Then I rely on my gut reaction to decide whether to amputate or if I’m being paranoid. I guess you can call it giving someone enough rope to hang themselves.
My Mercury in Scorpio doesn’t miss a trick. I’m as stealthy and discerning as they come. Very rarely do I do open battle, but when I do, I know every Achilles Heel they have, but they know nothing of mine. Loose lips sink ships.
I have Pluto in the 8th and I’ve never been in a situation where someone I knew turned out to be an enemy and after thinking about this for awhile, it occurred to me that this is because I usually weed people out early in the meeting process. In other words, I sense things in people within a few minutes of meeting them and I know whether to get friendly or keep my guard up. My first impression of people is something I’ve been trusting for over 30 years and it has never failed me.
Exactly! Initially have a sense, friend or foe. If I sense a person a foe, I’m always cordial, but I stay away, they just don’t exist in my world, they aren’t given the chance. If I sense a friend, I’ll observe for sometime. I need to know that what a person says, and what they do are in alignment. You sit in judgment before entering the underworld! Haha
Firstly, I must point out, that I love people. With that being said, I keep most, if not all people, at an arm’s length. That is, taking their words with a grain of salt, while closely observing their actions. Words must be consistently backed by action, for me to ever begin to take what you say or do seriously. Furthermore, if someone that has proven to have integrity, begins to act shady, I immediately call them out. “Why would you say this, but do this?” More than likely, there will be an excuse given, and that’s when I assertively, not aggressively, let the person know that something isn’t feeling right. Depending on the situation, and which way my intuition points, I then allow the person to either sink or swim. If they sink, I’m out of life vests! No hard feelings, always cordial, but they will never be trusted, and will never have a chance of getting close to me. If they swim, I swim right next to them forever, and they always have a friend or ally in me.
I see soup mentioning business here – have mentioned this happening at work, because that’s where I have to deal with this. In private life, this is really easy. You just amputate the people, period.
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I agree Candela. We cant get away from them at work. But in personal dealings I just amputate too. Or, I don’t get close (avoid) in the first place.
Some may say I am missing out but I would rather miss out a little than have to deal with pain. Today not so much but when I was younger and wanted to even the score it only led to problems. You screw me over, I am coming back 2 years later from behind. No thanks, I don’t want any part of it. I do well keeping my head above water as it is with my circus family.
I swear if you just sit back and let a person talk you will find out more than you want to know in 2 hours.
I had a situation like this a couple of months ago…a crisis intervened , and I was re-aligned to trust this person more than anyone. If I have build trust in someone over time , it takes a lot to change my faith in them, and it is always by direct action. It’s a weird dance sometimes, because you don’t see yourself. I can’t always follow my own intentions or motives. Lately I’m around people I don’t trust at all , but it is excused as long as it is isolated.
I confront. I ask, because when I look at them, I will def know. I have a lot of Sadge. Hard to ignore it.
My instinct about people is usually 99.9999% accurate. Unfortunately, this changes if I have strong feelings for them because I always want to give those I love the benefit of the doubt. Having recently been a victim of gaslighting (I KNEW I smelled something, dammit!) I have reinforced my faith in my gut instinct. Never mind those pesky emotions! Trust your gut. I’ve learned how to confront people without blaming them. If they get defensive anyway? Red flag! If they try to turn it into something about me? Major red flag! If ANY part of their response seems “off” or hinky? Red flag…Then I go on a fact finding mission (and I DO mean mission!) & if I’m proved right? To use your term, Elsa, I amputate. Bye! *waves* If I was wrong, I’ll fess up & apologize (if necessary). I trust my gut but, I also want facts. If the feeling is strong enough, though, I’ve no problem cutting people off.
I have become very situational in my approach to life. It’s good to understand where people are at, even including my local and state governments. I really liked being able to just do my job, my involvement in things, to the best of my ability. That became too narrow a scope. The other game in town was oh so painful to acknowlege. But it exists and I have to accept that. I suppose it is allowing space to watch look and listen. Sometimes I feel like a voyeur (sp?)and that that is a bad thing. But watch look and listen is a survival game anymore. And it’s important to me to be aware of what the general populace is buying into. Although we all feed into the larger body, it has a life of its own. Sometimes I find it interesting to see how all the bits and pieces and factions play into it and sometimes it’s just downright scary. I try not to go to scary thinking because that robs me of my joy in life. The collective results are bigger than me. ‘Heightened awareness’ sums it up. It’s the best I can do. Face value is a thing of the past for me. Boo hoo hoo hoo.
I cut them off permanently and do not look back.
I don’t think it ever gets to the point where I’m surprised by someone, so it’s kind of a moot question for me. People never really “shift”, they only reveal themselves. Until they do completely reveal themselves, they are on probation anyway so I don’t attach myself too deeply. Well I might but I’m always prepared to detach. And I also am aware that there is a difference between someone making a mistake and actually being who they really are. I think I’m actually a pretty forgiving person compared to most.
I always give people enough rope to do what they want with. They can drag themselves towards the light with it or they can hang themselves. But I am ALWAYS hoping that they use that power that I reveal to them for the purposes of growth. The disappointment I feel when someone doesn’t live up to my standards is deeper and more saddening than any other experience I could have. I am not hoping and waiting for them to fail me. I’m really pulling for them and will also do my best to give them a leg up if I can.