Venus In Aspect To Neptune: Distinguishing Between Unconditional Love And Being A Doormat

door-mat.jpgAyla writes on Love Tips – Venus Neptune:

“Love, at its core, is unconditional. If people are attaching conditions to it, it’s not love anymore. “I’ll only love you if you do [x]” is a mockery.

I have a crippled Venus (in Aries square Mars, Uranus, Saturn, and Neptune in 1st house Sag and square Chiron in 7th house Gemini) and even I know that withholding love kills it and giving it away keeps it alive. Yeah, you get hurt sometimes. So what? It’s not gonna kill you. (Unless you get involved with a serial killer or something I guess.)”

I respond:

“(Unless you get involved with a serial killer or something I guess.)”

And even then, you die with love in your heart… which is probably better than living with a heart full of hate.

Ayla writes:

“And even then, you die with love in your heart… which is probably better than living with a heart full of hate.”

This is assuming you haven’t stumbled upon his cache of bodies before he gets you, right?

I respond:

hearts-two.jpgThanks, Ayla.

Actually I don’t think there are any conditions at all. I have been beaten senseless – beaten nearly to death and it had no impact whatsoever on the the love I feel in my heart. However, I don’t advocate doormat behavior!

Acting as a doormat is pathological! If you find yourself constantly falling in love with people who abuse you, then you’ve got a problem, get some help.

But if you are merely with people (flawed as we all are), then why not just love them?

13 thoughts on “Venus In Aspect To Neptune: Distinguishing Between Unconditional Love And Being A Doormat”

  1. This is very interesting to me… I think I love someone unconditionally…and in a way it makes me feel like a doormat, just because I usually don’t trust people completely and am usually quite detached (venus in aquarius)

  2. My Venus is in a t-square with Saturn and Neptune in fixed signs….

    i feel i am accessing my Venus in the 12th these days… going from doormat to a kind of… detached uncondtional love…. it’s a lot less intense, less hot than my Moon Pluto conjunction prefers. Maybe it’s maturity? Maybe it’s accepting people for who they are? Maybe it’s giving up on a certain relationship–

    This love thing is hard….

    There is something that i want so much…. and the Venus Neptune longing is intense…. and it seems… finally… there comes a point when the tears stop? Or just that they’ve stopped for this minute, this hour, this day, this week….

  3. Cassi– someone I loved tried to kill me as well. I hope you’re able to take good care of yourself right now. it does a huge number on you in many ways. I know I eventually grew a LOT because of it and I’m sure you will too. I’m thinking of you and sending you BIG LOVE. xoxox

  4. I’ve read you commenting on this before and sadly, experience with violence is another Venus Neptune thing I seem to share with you. Looks like I’m not the only one, either.

  5. That Aries Venus square Mars is a bit rough sometimes… But I’m with you on this. I’m in my first ever unconditional love relationship and it’s the first time I’ve ever NOT felt like a doormat! It’s the best! But I think that’s because it goes both ways. A doormat situation would surely occur if only one person loved the other unconditionally.

  6. To A: I’m interested in the Venus t-square aspect you have (a friend of mine has it too). Doesn’t Saturn ameliorate this situation, give you the ability to restrict, not become a doormat? I’m generally interested in Saturn-Neptune interactions, since they seem so contrary.

  7. I think there’s a big difference between loving unconditionally and being a doormat… even though it can sometimes look the same, the outcome is very different for the person who is loving.

    Love arises out of love. Doormat behavior arises out of fear. Even when the two look the same, they are opposites.

  8. stephanie: good question–

    for me, i don’t see the venus/saturn restriction as a good thing… (my venus square saturn also creates that glass half empty feeling, esp because my saturn is in the 9th house ruling my…. operating philosophy of life…)

    i think it’s about timing (saturn). When i should love and let it out, i don’t, and vice versa — or having trouble getting that love “flow”– trust issues, rejection issues, not feeling Venusian…. (beautiful, deserving to be loved, etc.) That is low vibration of the venus/saturn square for me…. all that saturnian fear….

    and then my saturn trines my moon….. so those feelings stick around and have “stability”

    so i flip back and forth: too much idealism/fantasy (the neptune) and then too much fear and fear of rejection (the saturn) — it’s a balancing act that i’m told will get better as i get older, and it is — i become more aware of it but i always have to check myself, ask myself, notice what i’m doing — and then my virgo moon picks it all apart….

    okay, so it’s not a curse, but it is a tendency…

    so in relationship (like the one i’m in now) i will not be a doormate but get lost in my ideals… and then get fearful/anxious when my ideals aren’t met. it’s a see-saw………

    he also has a venus/saturn aspect, but in opposition….

    i also have capricorn ruling my 5th… so all this love stuff is WORK for me…..

    hope this helps your understanding. hey, i could talk about this stuff all day!

  9. “Love arises out of love. Doormat behavior arises out of fear.” YES.

    There is no love that is genuine other than unconditional love. And this does not arise out of fear. It’s impossible to love someone out of fear. You can’t make anyone love you – it is completely voluntary and given of their own free will.

    But doormat behavior? that comes from a place of being powerless, afraid of consequences if you don’t do something. This behavior is not from free will, it’s a compulsion. The doormat feels they have to do it – or else. This is not love. It’s like the distinction between doing something out of fear or respect. The end result might look similar, but it has a completely different vibe attached to it. And I think the recipient can always feel the difference.

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