Hi Elsa,
Back in October, I met a Virgo man. We got along wonderfully and I could tell we really liked each other; we talked everyday. As the time passed he called less frequently and backed away and when I questioned him, he said it was because he liked me.
When I like a person I want to talk to them more not less, and I got upset and told him that. After that, things were not the same. Two months ago I told him I thought I was falling in love with him and have not heard from him since. I have tried calling him and he has completely ignored everything.
I am trying to find out what happened and get closure. Did I scare him off? Or is he thinking about it and will he come back? He never officially broke off the relationship.
Completely Confused
United States
Dear Confused,
I am sorry this man’s mixed signals set you on a path to confusion, but at this point his signals are abundantly clear. He is not interested. And further, you are not going to get “closure” because he is not going to give it to you. The reason being that he’s not capable of giving it to you.
He is also not capable of telling you that he doesn’t like you, that he likes someone else better, that he changed his mind or whatever else his reason for pulling away may be. And if you have even a modicum of class (he doesn’t), then you will respect his shortcomings and relent with contacting him and/or professing your love. And beyond that you can learn from this. Because these are facts:
When it comes to relating to others, people have varying levels of skill. And there is nothing you can do about their mastery on this front. But there is plenty you can do about yourself and your post suggests you can use some help on this front and that I have.
Some years ago I had a friend who had an MO that was similar to yours. That is, when a man pulled away from her, she chased him even harder. And she never caught anyone doing this and eventually it caused her enough pain she went to therapy. And the therapist, realizing she had no idea how to read a situation like this or where to put the lines, offered this advice:
She told her when a man (or a woman or whoever) pulled away from her, she should immediately pull twice as far back as they had. She explained if the person was interested, this would bring them back very directly. And if they did not come back she’d already have some distance, never mind she would be spared the heartache and humiliation a person goes through when they finally realize they are chasing someone who is trying to get away.
This worked for my friend. It changed her life and I think it will help you too.
Good luck.
Good advice! Whats that poem? If you love someone set them free, if they come back they’re yours, if they dont they never were.
It worked for your friend, Elsa, and it worked for me, too.
That is great advice – I’m going to save it in case I ever need it.
I would say this was good advice if this was not a Virgo man. Virgo man are the exception to the rule. They can like someone and disappear to weigh all sides of the situation. No you should not chase him harder or profess anything to him. You should allow him the time to get his thoughts in order. What I know of Virgo is not fear and they usually don’t say something they don’t mean. If he didn’t like her he would of said it they are very blunt. Virgo men may approach slowly but I have never known them to lie about how they feel. Give him time. He will come around. Patience is a virtue.
About the only thing that works on Sagittarian men . . . that’s if you want to have a relationship with one. 🙂
Excellent advice, Elsa!
I know from personal experience that it’s hard as hell to pull back when someone you care about drops you, because I want to know ‘why’! But the thing of it is this: knowing doesn’t change the fact that this person left. It won’t bring him/her back. And if you change to accomodate what was ‘wrong’ to begin with, you will be sincerely untrue to yourself, leaving you vulnerable to repeat the same chaos again. And who wants that?
I’ve since learned instead to just chalk my relationships up to experience and learning, a stepping stone on my way forward with my life. I mourn the loss and move on. 🙂
Good luck!!
(hey, that’s my neck! woooo!)
Hello Elsa! I just wanted to say that reading your blog raises so many questions about my life because I can relate with you and those writing in for advice. However, I also find that your blog also offers answers. The questions you raise in one blog are almost always answered the next day in another blog. I find this sense of cohesion in your blog amazaing and I want to thank you for writing it!
Elsa, I have known my Virgo man for over 20yrs..we have been friends the entire time. years ago we got intimate, however because he never expressed the same feelings I have, I ended up marrying someone else. I am now divorced. Me & my Virgo friend have crossed paths again. All this time I realized that I have loved him all along. Well, I shared this with him, and at first he was ok. I thought he felt somewhat the same way, until he told me to “stand back” and his reason was because his life is all over the place right now & he can’t give me the same amount of time I give him. Before he told me this, I told him that I have always loved him, & in so many words that he is the only one for me..that’s when he decided to have this conversation. Prior, we were talking not everyday, but almost everyday & texting…I have not heard from him since that conversation. Does he just need space? Or, is he just not interested in a way that I want him to be. Please help..I’m late, but I figured out that he is the love of my life. I need him. I feel like he was falling then all of a sudden “caught himself”…I don’t know what to do.
80% or more of men i fell hard in love with were Virgo men.
They really do it for me, i am pisces by the way.
But all of these relationships ended very badly
I have come to accept that as much as i find the virgo man super sexy they are NOT a great match for me pisces woman
Virgo men have a way of bringing out the worst in me
Will all of them i became super clingy and needy and a bit of a stalker something i never do with any of the other star signs
So Pisces girls, stay away from the Virgo guys, not good for you
I don’t think that any sign is good for Virgo men – and that they probably bring out the worst in all women. This is my experience anyway. I was with a Virgo for over 3 years, but prior to that he had chased me (off and on) for 13 years – he had seen me as some sort of unavailable fantasy.
Once he got me he became a person I couldn’t recognise from the one I’d met (a very charming, soft-mannered man). He was cruel, critical, mean and emotionally abusive. Everyday he told me I wasn’t up to scratch for the smallest reasons. He said he couldn’t respect me because I wasn’t slim and toned all the time (I had never been called overweight by anyone before). I had started off as a confident independent woman and by the time I managed to get the courage to leave him (though I felt pushed really), my self-esteem had become a dim and distant memory. When I left him he seemed bothered for a few days and then dismissed me completely and ignored I’d ever existed.
I grieved hard – not because of the man I wasn’t with anymore, but because the man I had loved just hadn’t really existed – it had been a convincing act.
This Virgo had an appalling relationship history of wrecking women’s lives, and I should have taken more notice of that at the time. Look at how a man treats his ex’s and you will be no different. I fooled myself that he would treat me differently because he had chased me for so long -but that probably made it worse. Idolisation to demonisation they call it. When it ended, he said to me that he had never loved me, but had just been seeking approval, and wanted a girl of my background to make him look good – that was all. What was worse is that he said it with no emotion – just a cold hard fact.
Virgo men are called the ‘bachelors of the Zodiac’ for a good reason. They want what they can’t have.
They suck.
P.S. I’m a Leo
Virgos can be critical; however, the one you described above had a narcissistic personality disorder. Sorry he put you through hell. I am a virgo female.
The same thing happened to me with a virgo man. He was so charming in the beginning, calling me everyday. He told me he had never met a woman that made him feel so amazing and the chemistry we shared was real. Then after 3 months he told me over the phone that he needed space. I was crushed to say the least and so confused. He never did give a solid good reason for leaving me and the way he left made my self esteem very low. Well it’s been an agonizing 10 months, gave him all the space he needs. It’s as if I never knew the man I was falling in love with. What sucks about Virgo men is their emotional detachment which comes so easily for them. He led me to beleive that he was in love with me. Then when he got what he wanted he just disappeared from my life. Iam a Picses woman and when I fall in love, I fall hard!
Been married to my Virgo man for almost 27 years. He must have forgot to read the manual. Still charming, still caring, taking care of old onery Scorpio me.
Well, er, um, I think you might want a little input from a Virgo man at this point. First Elsa’s example of the therapist’s advice to the desertee. I may not be exagerating to say that the very first and foremost thing a Virgo man would find repellant is someone who doesn’t read (even subtle) signals and who is clingy and needy and so on. Believe me, Virgos (men maybe even moreso than the women) have their own (sometimes tormented) inner life to contend with, and their own sense of propriety and appropriateness. Sorry if you got/get hurt, but hey, you expect them to lie and say that they love you forever and to tell you that lie every day until when? That’s really NOT going to help ANYONE. Bonnie Raitte song starts: “I can’t make you love me, if you don’t …”
Thanks for the input on Virgo men JJJ. I think you misunderstood what was involved. He DID tell me he loved me. So one of the traits of Virgo men is to play with a womans’ emotions? To tell her things that she wants to hear? Didn’t he realize
how he felt after the FIRST sexual encounter? Why make it go even further if there were no real feelings involved. Are Virgo men AFRAID of deep
sensual love a Picses woman has to offer? Peace out. Make love, not war.
Hi Sandy. People are like puzzles made up of different signs (chemistries). Virgos don’t say I love you just like. We think long and hard and when we say it we mean it. Check where his moon (emotions) is that would cause him to express his “love” so easily and thoughtlessly. I am a virgo sun/pisces moon.
I’m here to say that a Pisces woman and Virgo man can without a doubt be a match made in heaven. My grandmother is a Pisces and my grandfather is a Virgo and they have been married for 56 years and are still in love. Of course they’ve had their up’s and down’s with way more up’s. I am a Pisces woman and Virgo is the sign that I attract more than any sign. I am currently dating one now and our connection is extremely deep. I seem to get along better and have deeper connections with August Virgo’s. Although I feel that they are more emotional than the September Virgo’s they still have their periodic cold spells. The Virgo that I’m currently dating has made me toughen up my heart and think more logical and I thank him for that. One thing for sure is that a Virgo man loves a woman that has her own and is able to take care of herself & once he realizes that your are not dependent on him then he will take care of you with no questions asked. When he realizes you can provide for your self he will provide for you. I’m also not clingy with my virgo which makes him cling to me. You also have to remember that Virgo’s take time to decide if you are the one for them. They really like someone that listens to their problems and provides logical advise. I think Pisces women are best suited for an evolved Virgo.
i am a piscean woman in love with virgo guy.at first he used to talk n flirt a lot but i was indifferent.but when we got physical with each other i fall for him hard.i told him this n now he is totally distant.he said he loved his ex so extremely that he has no love left.now what should i do??
Now this sounds like male and female (some) virgos. I currently have feelings for a male virgo. I don’t know how things will turn out being that I’m a female virgo. Sometimes we can both be stubborn.
Players
Thought I’d join the party. Am a Pisces with a huge crush on a Virgo guy who is a friend. We only became friends recently but seem to get along so well, although I’ve no idea what he gets up to in the rest of his life (Virgo secrecy and all that). I’m pretty keen on him so have taken the time to research how the Virgo man’s mind works and as a true Pisces it’s really hard to keep my distance and come across as super independent and slightly distant, when my natural instinct would be to throw caution to the wind and tell him how i feel. We text each other everyday and when we meet up I’m sure the attraction between us is mutual and he seems to find it quite hard to walk away when the conversation is over, but he still talks about some girl he met a while ago who he thought might be ‘the one’ even though they only met briefly and live miles apart. Just wondered what anyone thought about the situation, am i deluding myself that he might see me as more than just a friend or should I keep doing what i’m doing in the hope that I’m making some headway with him?
Pisces woman, if I were you I would stay away from the jekyl and hyde Virgo man. They are charming in the beginning, but that is just to hook you. Nobody really knows how the Virgo man’s
mind works because they are so secretive and dishonest about their intentions. My suggestion is to use them only for sexual pleasure and not get emotionally attached. Virgo men hardly get emotionally attached anyway. They are cold, and don’t know how to express any feelings. NOT a good match for a Pisces woman!
A virgo female here who has been on and off with the love of my life, a pisces for 15 years. We are not together. I’m married, but I still love him and we still talk. We have been through a lot emotionally. Atleast i have. I wish i could spend the rest of my life with this man. When we were in a relationship it was great with some fights here and there. We never really knew what caused us to sepearate til this day. Maybe it was to grow. Ppl who come on here and bash other signs especially their opposite signs needs to be a little more mature. Coming from a virgo myself we always get sterotyped that we are cold and emotionless and that hurts because deep down we all need to realize pisces and virgos are opposites. We are like magnets. Can’t have one without the other. We are one energy. Deep down every virgo has pisces trait and vice versa. So yes we virgos have a heart and feelings. I have been sooo emotional over this man. I’m the one who is open with my feelings where he is the one that is not. I don’t know if it is because I am a female virgo or what. He has put me through a lot, but I would never talk bad because I know deeply he has love for me. So in true virgo style analyze yourself first before blaming the other half. Maybe you need to change.
virgo men have harems of female followers..they have so much women to choose from they get confused. i think that’s the truth. they don’t really like independent women..at first maybe but then they slowly try and break her and then use it against her..they’re kind of evil
Aquarius women: avoid Virgos at all costs.
Very intense initial connection. Perfection. Charm. Security. Fake tears with expressions of love even.
They will lie until they get you. My nightmare wasn’t realised until I was married (yes it was planned and didn’t happen right away) and in a foreign country and young (younger than he was by 10 years and 21) and stuck for 2 years. … Then I spent almost three years back in my country, where this person said we could have a good life if I just waited for him to make enough money to come out. Crying did nothing. Offering to pay for flights did nothing. I never wanted to be apart more than 2 months… I did everything by myself, did everything to please this person… went broke struggling on my own, and not doing anything he didn’t approve of. I was approached constantly by men, and my female friends pleaded with me to see what I was worth. Good wife. ha.
Imagine that you give this person ample opportunities to end the relationship and ask them to be honest with you. Imagine being hung up on for calling to say good morning from 8 hours away? (regularly) Then imagine that after you wait 3-5 days for them to call and apologise, they ask if you are done sulking. Then they initiate phone or web sex… and that’s acceptance. They make you feel like a queen at first, and then little by little – rude comments, hurtful actions, neglect, and manipulation. I finally decided to give up on the immigration and go back to his country a week after he had sobbed on the phone to me “don’t give up on me, we have to be together, I didn’t marry to divorce, we can go to counseling”… When I called him to discuss flights, he let me know we were nothing anymore. I asked if he’d found someone else, and he said, “yeah, have you? tell me… I’ll tell you about mine!” and proceeded to say that I should find a young boy and that he was stuck with an “old battered (as in weathered) woman” but that he “likes women of all shapes and sizes and types.” Vomit urge.
Dragged down to nothing and then dismissed. I was “too good” for this person from the beginning, and still – but a mind**ck is a mindf***.
If you’re a good person especially, or at all vulnerable (I was very and still am)…. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
I want never to marry again, and I am shocked to learn that I was one of many women he used and threw away. I’ve since had some experiences with a couple of Virgo women (not romantic) and I’m sort of done with this sign.
To: SirenSong
I cried reading what you’ve wrote. I am an Aries woman and I loved once a selfish virgo man. At the beginning he was just fine, honest, charming, funny.. He told me after few dates that he loves me.. we had amazing sex together.. each time was in a 5-star hotel on me! He never bothered paying for a night.. when we arrange a meeting (because each of us lives with a roomate), he claimed that something happened and delayed his arrival to the hotel until he makes sure that I checked in. We got to know each other for 7 months.. the last time we met was in January.. we had sex and were supposed to spend the night together.. I fell asleep and when I woke up to use a bathroom around 2 pm.. he WAS GONE..!!! I never called for the sake of my dignity.. I expected an apology call or text saying that he needed to leave.. but until now nothing of these happened! I helped him alot in doing his term papers.. (nowing that we both graduate students).. bought & sent him expensives books.. bought him college hoodies and many other stuffs.. I was too generous yet STUPID.. After more than 9 months being away from him.. I figured out that he’s a big liar and cheater! he Used me because he needed me.. for money.. for gifts… for study.. but when he recieved everything he just disappeared..! I am not sorry for him.. but I am so sorry for myself being dumbed by a man.. and in the name of LOVE! My advice to at least all fire signs.. NEVER believe a virgo.. they ONLY think about themselves.. they are capable to make you believe that they love you.. until they get what they want.. and then leave you in pain and sorrow to look for another woman who could use and throw again.. WE AS WOMEN ARE ONLY (DISPOSAL WOMEN) for VIRGOs..
Iam SO done with the virgo sign. If I ever meet another virgo man in the future, I will run fast!
They are manipulative, secretive, spiteful, sneaky. I don’t care too much about their general traits, according to astrologers. Pisces-Virgo do have sexual chemistry, but that’s as far as it goes.
As impossible as it may seem, keep doing things for yourself and stay the F away from the person. A about a week and a half after I posted, my mother passed away.
At 21, I left my mother when she was ill because I had been taking care of her without help from others. I thought other people would take over, and I thought I deserved a good life with this new person, and the chance to do new things, see new places, enjoy some of my youth. I came with my half of a down payment on a house… etc (that never happened). In connection with my previous post, I returned and all things I did were about the other person. My mother’s possessions and home had all been confiscated while I was away and she spent her last years catatonic in a bed. Although I last heard from the individual in July, I heard nothing in September when my mother died.
The only “mean” thing I ever did was to limit contact this year while asking for 1. counseling or 2. to actually meet up in either my country or his because we were married.
Twilight zone…
I could be dying on the floor, and I think the virgo I was with would just step over me.
I’m also a Pisces woman in a complicated relationship with none other than a Virgo man. We were friends for a couple of years before we dated, no big surprise there since it takes them years to decide what they want. 😉 We dated for a year, then he started getting really distant and eventually we broke up. He came back a few months later and we got back together. The last time we broke up, that was it for me, or so I thought. We didn’t speak for a few years and now he’s back. We both needed to grow up and experience life for a while…he also got scared of his feelings for me…so he ran. He is now one of my best friends and we still love each other very much. I’m better at saying it than he is, but he has his own ways of showing it. I just have to read between the lines. That’s the thing with Virgo men, they aren’t the type to shower you with mushy sentiments, but they will show you their love if you pay close attention. They take a long time to make up their minds because they have to analyze everything, even you, but if they decide you are in fact what they want, they’ll be yours forever. It took me years to get to where I am with him & there are still days I wonder how he feels. Just when I start having doubts, he finds his own way of reassuring me that he cares. Hang in there ladies…sometimes they’re worth the wait.
worth the wait?……I doubt it.
Just hang in there. I’m still hurting deeply, but the “relationship” was so stressful I was on my way to die an early death. I’ve de-aged with every month apart!
Good luck!
@Nova I am in the same situation. I have been waiting for my Virgo guy for 2 and a half years. We are NOT speaking right now,what should I do? Should I initiate contact or let him make the first move. BTW he is the Most fascinating Man i have ever met in my LIFE!!! When he Kisses me it’s the most natural thing in the WORLD!!!
Pisces Girl 🙂
To anyone who is sitting on the shelf “waiting” for that “perfect” person to get their act together, … it may do no good to say this, but if anything goes wrong, you’ll never get that time or energy back.
Heaven forbid that happens, but I’m just saying – start working on your ace-in-the-hole if this doesn’t work out. I was left unemployed, nearly homeless, in the thick of this near-Depression with no family. I lost everything, and he thought it was funny.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Consider reading WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH.
Elsa is right to say avoid chasing. About 2 weeks after I learned about my virgo ex-husband’s “new relationship” I got in touch because after traveling 400 miles in search of work, my car broke down and I was stuck at a cheap motel, totally scared. I do not know if it is a virgo trait, but I was really stung by the heartlessness… like a different person was speaking. Said he might wire me some money if I were to repeat over and over how much of a failure I was, “go on, admit it. say you’re a failure. You said you’d make it big… so sure of yourself.” I actually did as he asked and reluctantly sobbed that I was a failure and said sorry for it.
I should have told him where to stick it, but I was still so confused by why he was acting weird, and I did not want to be his enemy… Dealing with him always felt like dealing with an angry, abused dog that I had to reassure I was not a threat to… thought maybe he’d come to his senses or something. Took a lot of that to realize I wasn’t strong enough to keep getting bitten.
As for the car, he said “that’s what you get for buying automatics.” … no money.
I blocked contact and never called him back. I’m glad something finally hurt me enough to get me to stop TRYING or even “being available.” Letting go and being free of weird dreams and nightmares is another matter. Facebook “suggested” him as a friend in the page margin the last time I was on and I had to see a Dawn French type of woman gleefully embracing him like a casserole, and I don’t bother with Facebook after that, either.
I wouldn’t have to run away from things like a scared kid now if I had looked out for myself in the beginning and insisted on receiving the kind of respect that I give. I always thought it was too late to turn back and give up on things. … Remember that ace-in-the-hole. It’s never too late to find out what you’re really worth and really capable of. Good luck.
Im a pisces girl and just come out of a whirlwind year long flirtation with a virgo guy. now it is over officially. no more texts, calls at midday or midnight. no more attention from him. this time i am going to try really really really hard to ignore him. he appeared to be mind boggled by our encounters together. im hoping if i ignore him for a long time he might come chasing me for once. but to be honest, i wouldnt be surprised if he doesnt. we are supposed to stay friends and say hi if we run into eachother again, but when i text him recently he phoned straight away, thats a sure sign im winning hehehe.
pisces girls, take it from a girl who employed a strategy with a virgo guy., try really hard to mimick his behaviour eg. the ignoring, short texts, detached, not dependant…it will work eventually.
Well, I have a similar situation w/a Virgo man. Hit it off after only a few days together, long distance relationship for 2 wks(felt a very deep spiritual connection w/ea other), then BAM! He disappeared for 4 months! Not a WORD! Then he comes back profusely apologizing, asking for a 2nd chance @ a relationship(I just wanted to stay buddies, but he wanted MORE). So, we continue a long distance relationship for 1.5 months, then BAM! He disappears for 2 weeks & counting now. Lol. Said he had to drive to FL & it’d take a couple of weeks, but…I just assume he gave up, lost interest, found someone/something else, etc. & will never hear from him again.
If he does contact me again, I’ll keep it friendly & light, ‘cuz I still want a friendship (he really helped me out in a BAD situation last year), but I will tell him I can’t take him seriously because he comes & goes constantly & that’s no way to have a real relationship…but, friends is fine. I’m true blue, or if I’m done w/U, you’ll never hear from me again.
I’m gonna beat up on this but I’m in a rocky marriage with an aquarius. I just met a pisces. And the chemistry is so strong. She is so easy to love.
On the one hand, Virgo & Aquarius is supposed to be a doomed match outside a business partnership. On the other, marriages have rocks. As an observer of your three sentences, I really hope you’re not engaging in something that’s going to cause a lot of pain.
Chemistry is super strong with just about anybody who listens to you and finds you new and interesting when you’ve been married. Don’t underestimate novelty. New car smell wears off.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I am a Pisces woman and have been with a Virgo guy for 2 and half months. We had an instant, mind-blowing chemistry, the sex was and is great, adventurous, wild. We have exchanged hundreds of txts. We share the same interests, are both organised and clean, big on quality.
My Virgo man became very critical very quickly and this was tough on me at first but I got used to it, actually have noticed that what he criticizes are really the things I would like to change about myself. I have already learned a lot by being with him, became more practical and not so ostentatiously emotional. He has never given me any reason to suspect him of lying and he has always said honesty and loyalty to him are a priority when being in a relationship with him. He also became very cold soon after we started seeing each other, a big shock, but I have since accepted his emotional detachment and almost a complete inability to show or talk about feelings.
We have had a few clashes so far, they have always ended with him not talking for a while and me apologizing. Every time I thought that was it, he was fed up with me this time, but he always came back. But things really changed a couple of weeks ago when I left the country for 3 days and didn’t get in contact with him, my silence was not purposeful, my phone didn’t work where I was and I thought it would be benefitial for us not to talk for a couple of days. But in the meantime he sent messages to which I couldn’t reply, and after I came back and we talked about it I said that it shouldn’t be a big deal and stupidly told him something about not wanting ‘him checking up on me every day’ – very wrong choice of words. A few days later he left on a business trip for 4-5 days, he did not talk to me at all when he was away, he only sent a message when he landed. We again exchanged many txts but since then his messages became less frequent. I can’t say that he has been igoring me because out of fear he will not reply I intentionally don’t ask any questions when i txt, but he now keeps quiet when i send a casual text to which he would always answer before. His silence eventually makes me go quiet too, and then he either asks why hasn’t he been receiving any texts or why have I disappeared.
I guess my problem is that I have been very confused since recently. Him not texting, being very critical and quite rude made me wonder: is he losing interest in me or is it a natural turn of things with him? Also I really don’t know if he has any feelings for me since he never talks about them (he knows about my feelings for him though, and he said from the beginning that he wants my heart). I keep telling myself that it’s normal and actually very rarely he says something that makes me think that he cares a lot (those signals are so unexpected that a few times I didn’t understand what he meant and when I asked him what did he mean by that he just mumbled ‘it doesn’t matter’); he also talks about near future, next meeting, but truth be told I never know if he will text again and if we will meet again.
I’ve known for a long time that I am in love with this man and I am absolutely fascinated by him. Although we share a lot and love doing the same things, he is a total opposite. I am quite angelic in looks and character, fair and blonde, he is dark and devilish looking with a cold, controlling personality. I have agreed for his control and having his ways as I have never had this in a relationship; up till now I have always been the dominating side and it bored me. I have learned that I am able to compromise a lot to make things work with him, and I dont find it hard as in the end it’s being with him that makes me happy. I feel like he opened up to me like to nobody else, he does things that are so intimate when we are together that I doubt that there are many people that would see him during those moments. But recently I have been an emotional wreck inside as I just don’t know where I stand. I go from extasy to agony within an hour. One minunte I’m thinking that there is no reason to worry, he hasn’t given me a reason to think that he will not contact me, but then his rudeness and lack of messages confuse me. I am so happy I’ve read the zodiac compability descriptions as they helped me to understand him and our situation, but then the previous bad experiences described above really scare me. I keep telling myself that patience and understanding and just going about my things, which I do, will win him over eventually, but it is hard not to think that things won’t go wrong with him being so cold and not telling me about his feelings.
Very grateful for the amazing advice above. I seem uavailable and reserved to many people, but become clingy when a person I want is so detached. It’s what I can’t have I want the most, but pulling away when a man keeps distance seems wise and sensible and will probably help me cope with the situation better.
Just to end my post, I have never nor will ask him why is he so distant cold and doesnt reply often. I will patiently wait until he opens up, if ever, and hope that under this wall there are feelings there deep inside. Actually, he uses the word ‘love’ very often when talking about things but never when he mentions his ex women, which makes me feel it is very hard for him to find a true love, somebody he would want to spend the rest of his life with.
When we met a couple of days ago I was intentionally casual, not touchy feely, I have realised all this mushiness makes him uncomfortable. But being with him reminds me of playing a strategy game, watching my every move and planning my next step, seeing if what I do next makes him pull away or brings him closer. It is difficult, but if somewhere down the line he discovers he loves me back, it will be worth it. I have never felt the way he makes me feel and never felt like I have belonged to somebody so much.
Any advice here is welcome.
Reading from your above post, you mentioned that you said you asked him not to check up on you everyday and you said not a good choice of words. That is where you went wrong. Is as if you both are playing a game. Im not going to call if hes not going to call type of thing. Me being a virgo female I am going though the same thing with a pisces man. We always play this game. With virgos, we analyze alot. I think both pisces and virgos are the same. If someone told me that I would distance myself too cause I don’t know the intentions met. And I think pisces distance them too. So that’s where the miscommunication come in at. Some one has to be mature. Maybe both parties need to talk.
Victoria – my god, your thoughts sound familiar.
I asked my friend about a month ago why the “difficult men” are so much more appealing. Her answer was simply, “it’s a challenge,” as she looked off in the distance, sadly, and took a sip of her drink.
Reading what you wrote, I just have to ask about the stone-walling and undermining of your confidence: are you having fun yet?
((I can relate to the light angel/dark controller dynamic and the thrill of the loss of control and feeling the experience. That matched my sit. too. I’d question whether your “sacrifice” of control is really valued or a source of contempt for him of you. You may seem easy to puppet. No offense intended, and I could be wrong.))
In my relationship I tried to pass these things off on the fact that my mate (husband) was British, that he’d had an absentee father, on how he grew up, etc. Whatever the reason, it didn’t change the gut churning effects on me. Full-blown anxiety developed as I went through the patterns of acceptance and rejection, not being able to tie it to anything I was doing.
I still wish I could go to this person and beg to know what went wrong, and try to fix it, just as I always did. Why am I still tempted? I don’t know and I wish I could turn it off. I have to ignore it. And yes, being treated better and being in more control can be boring. … but not all “fun” things are 100% fun, or healthy. Moths fly into flames.
Think about whether or not you really like this roller coaster. Doesn’t sound like nice treatment. Check out Narcissistic Personality Disorder, especially what Vaknin has written.
Good luck.
SirenSong – many thanks for the reply, read your caution story, very sorry about what happened to you.
I might have exaggerated about the total lack of control from my side, we are still too fresh to tell how much control he will have, I actually decide about a lot of things too and am completely independent outside the relationship. (It was very early in the relationship that he said he wants to dominate, he was open about it and him wanting to have the last word. Is he then looking for a woman he feels contempt for??). But he does behave like my mentor, is very pedantic about what I say and how I say it, and most of the arguments we’ve had were about me saying wrong things or saying something in a wrong way. I have been then scolded like a child and lectured sometimes for a couple of hours. I realise that to many I must sound like a doormat now but I haven’t actually lost my confidence at all, I just listen to what he has to say, say sorry and do all this apologising for the sake of ending the argument and because many times I actually agree with him. He is witty, sharp itellect, perceptive and notices details that many people omit. The attraction I feel towards him is simply so strong that I let him have it. I have actually never taken critique lightly and I’m quite rebellious.
Yes, I have read about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and about control freaks and I realise it is heading in this direction with him. He is also very possesive when it comes to other men but not visibly jealous. Well, for now, the highs are very high, and I have to repeat – I have never felt like this before (In previous, more stable relationships I became bored and if I didn’t end them I would have probably strayed). The lows have only just started but they do feel terrible, mainly because I have no idea what’s in his head, what’s going on, will we see each other again and if we do will he find another reason to pick on me (but yes, i do blame myself for those fights and not being more careful).
Actually the Virgo guy I’m with has grown up without his real father too and he is significantly physically different, darker than his half-siblings and the rest of the family.
I still want to believe what he said to me, the importance of honesty and loyalty in his life, how much he values family and children. I can live with his cold personality and lecturing if the former is true. He has never pretended to be somebody he is not, nor told me sweet lies. He is also caring when we are together often asks me if i’m ok, if i’m cold, comfortable etc. I’ve read positive stories that sound similar to mine but stories like yours obviously frighten me.
I loved or he loved me ,weboth cld’nt understand at least he poed he did,but we both were very young.then he went abroad for his studies 4-5 yrs we were not in touch, i gotmarried eanwhile and alsodivored, but i cld spak to him thru a commmon friend and he realised howmuch he loved me, i knownthng could happn at tht stage but it is sure virgos take a very long time and tilldate i saw his deepside and carefor me.thanks – A pisces
SirenSong – many thanks for the reply, read your caution story, very sorry about what happened to you.
I might have exaggerated about the total lack of control from my side, we are still too fresh to tell how much control he will have, I actually decide about a lot of things too and am completely independent outside the relationship. (It was very early in the relationship that he said he wants to dominate, he was open about it and him wanting to have the last word. Is he then looking for a woman he feels contempt for??). But he does behave like my mentor, is very pedantic about what I say and how I say it, and most of the arguments we’ve had were about me saying wrong things or saying something in a wrong way. I have been then scolded like a child and lectured sometimes for a couple of hours (he is very logical and calm, doesn’t call me names or use abusive language). I realise that to many I must sound like a doormat now but I haven’t actually lost my confidence at all, I just listen to what he has to say, say sorry and do all this apologising for the sake of ending the argument and because many times I actually agree with him. He is witty, sharp itellect, perceptive and notices details that many people omit. The attraction I feel towards him is simply so strong that I let him have it. I have actually never taken critique lightly and I’m quite rebellious.
Yes, I have read about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and about control freaks and I realise it is heading in this direction with him. He is also very possesive when it comes to other men but not visibly jealous. Well, for now, the highs are very high, and I have to repeat – I have never felt like this before (In previous, more stable relationships I became bored and if I didn’t end them I would have probably strayed). The lows have only just started but they do feel terrible, mainly because I have no idea what’s in his head, what’s going on, will we see each other again and if we do will he find another reason to pick on me (but yes, i do blame myself for those fights and not being more careful).
Actually the Virgo guy I’m with has grown up without his real father too and he is significantly physically different, darker than his half-siblings and the rest of the family.
I still want to believe what he said to me, the importance of honesty and loyalty in his life, how much he values family and children. I can live with his cold personality and lecturing if the former is true. He has never pretended to be somebody he is not, nor told me sweet lies. He is also caring when we are together often asks me if i’m ok, if i’m cold, comfortable etc. I’ve read positive stories that sound similar to mine but stories like yours obviously frighten me.
Yolanda,
I agree. Don’t exactly mimick them, it might backfire because if you drastically change your behaviour they will notice and know you’re playing games with them – they will hate it.
What you need to learn to do is GUESS THEIR MOODS. I think they are like cats – sometimes when you come to close they will run off, other times they will appreciate the attention and caressing. When you know how to behave around them, they will respect you even more. What I never did nor do with my guy is ask him questions: why are you like this? why are you not answering? what’s wrong with you? I know I would never get a straight answer or an answer I want to hear, besides, a question like this would mean to them that you don’t uderstand them, so they might think you are not a good match. Just leave it, do your thing, wait it out, you can send a casual message after 2-3 days, and they will come around. If not, and they just disappear, then Virgo or not Virgo, the man is just an a**hole if he dumps people this way.
Be cool and collected, don’t ever overreact, dont behave offended or angry when they push you away when you want to be close, go about them like you know and understand them. Go about your routine, take a good care of yourself. It’s damn hard sometimes, but this is the only way to go in my opinion.
Also when being with them, listen to them carefully. When they ask you to do something, do it exactly the way the want you to do it, don’t do it your way because you think they will like it too. Don’t assume. ALways finish what you have started, say what you mean, they hate messiness in words. Be prepared that when you say something, they will ask you questions. I have heard the questions: why? what do you mean by that? why did you say that? a thousand times already. They will excercise your mind like nobody else. Compliment them when you think they deserve it, remember the things they would like you to do for them, keep them in mind and surprise unexpectedly.
I have yet to see if my relationship lasts but all of the above seems to be working.
Omg siren song reading these stories and experiences scares my heart out of my chest..well heres my experience with a virgo man
iam a pisces woman deeply inlove with a virgo man its been 3years and 7months since we have been dealing on and off i met him at work when we first met it was a mutual friendship relationship but as time went on i noticed how attracted he was to me i wasnt really attracted to him although he was sexy to me and very appealing i denied him of a number of dates he asked me on then out of the clear blue i must admit his charm kind heart and good manners sucked me in i gave in and gave him a chance lol this guy chased me for months and i liked his presistance to be honest. We dated for a while and became intimate omg the sex was on point i rocked his world might i add i say about a week after he stop calling me and i didnt bother to call him nor text him i went on about my everyday life im sorry i left out the part that we had stop working together he went on a found another job at another company months before we became intimate now as i was saying me being the stuborn person that i am i went on with my everyday life although i was going insane that he just up and stopped calling me and texting me….i say about three weeks later he came calling me saying how he lost his phone and misses me and wanted us to start going steady he wanted a relationship with me i turned his behind down he continued to call and text me i would ignore his calls and textes i have to admit i loved how weak i made him for me lol anyway i gave in and started accepting the calls and answering his text messages we talked on the reg he would bring me lunch or take me out eventually we became intimate once again then he did his same pattern not call or text so i would just give him back what he gave me and not call nor text him then he would pop up at my job telling me how much he loves and need me and how much it effects him when we are not together how he wants me to be his girlfriend and how i was made for him lol he even told me that he would ask my hand in marrige and wants ababy with me i dont know why i fell for it again bc we have this same pattern but i dont know for some reason he wont leave me alone and i cant leave him alone i want to be in a relationship with him but iam affraid he will hurt me badly ive never loved aman the way i love him i think for some small reason that hes doing his dissapearence acts because i wont be with him but then he realise how much he cant be without me and comes back to try again however iam not giving in for him to hurt me after reading these stories makes alot of since and just made me stronger and realise or tell myself to stay strong and just move on i told him we can be friends but he stresses to me how he doesnt want a friendship with me he wants a relationship nomatter what i do to try and leave him alone siren song he keeps on coming back and its almost as if i like him begging for my love not to mention this guy has a history of breaking hearts is it one of those things that he wants what he cant have HELP ME BECAUSE DEEP DOWN INSIDE I WANT TO BE WITH HIM IM JUST BEING COLD HEARTED TOWARDS HIM AND THE WHOLE SITUATION BECAUSE IM SCARED
lol…good call sirensong! As a virgo man I must say I find these posts hurtful, but fair. So let me say this to all the people hurt and ignored by a virgo man. We do care!, we do think about you, and we think alot about stuff, perhaps too much… and we take a long time to make a decision. We run when you become clingy because we think to ourselves ‘ I’m not that amazing, she’s fallen way too easily for me… something must be up!’ Give us a bit of mystery, and some witty banter!! We love clever humour!… and yes it’s true, we are as critical of ourselves as we are of you… don’t doubt it!! Sadly we are also very fickle and won’t respond well to love handles, spelling mistakes, bad breath, dandruff (unless it’s our own) etc etc. We also love the feeling of new love, you know, when your heart pounds ( we are searching for a soul mate ) but we don’t really know what love is…( remember that song by Foreigner “I wanna know what love is”?.. well, it went to number 1 in the charts cause all the virgos bought it) so keep it fresh, we won’t admit it… but we crave the chase!.. and go deep with us, we love the enchantment of a deep soul connection so make it count when you make your play…(4)play! If you make the mistake of falling into the ‘sex for the sake of it’ routine we will happily oblige, but secretly over time start to crave for something new… but for day to day life/work we do love our routines… sigh, we are such simple yet complicated creatures, but once we decide you are the one for us we will walk through fire for you!.. and then eventually you become bored with us, accuse us of being too fussy and file for divorce leaving me with the kids, the leftovers of the roast I cooked last night, and the power bill…
Hello and sorry to hear. I hope all is better now. I’m actually waiting on my virgo. We aren’t dating but am giving him time. I know when we are in the same room, I could feel his eyes burning off my buttocks lol. Maybe it’s my Cuban butt or just that him and I create magical sounds behind the doors. About you, I read your comment and I agree. Virgo’s have great hearts, they just need time for themselves. In the meantime I’ll pamper myself and pick out some great outfits to hang out in. Yes I have responsibilities..like a 3 year old..but us woman need to show our independence and confidence in the way we dress too. So that’s me and my little lady. Wish you and your family the best. Hoped you moved on from the pain.
Virgos can be good fun, but perhaps I’m just not a good fit. Reading your suggestions about grooming, it’s as if you’re talking about a cocker spaniel that needs to be taken to the groomers! Sort of made me laugh.
Hilarious what you said about all the Virgos buying Foreigner, btw. If, like Foreigner, you “wanna know what love is” – then you have to try to appreciate it when someone shows you, I guess. Everyone has to adjust to their partner’s methods, even if we betray our astrological signs now and then (stubborn, idealist aquarius here).
Thanks for the inside scoop on Virgo men. Sorry about the power bill. Try to cultivate the roses, not the thorns. Hope things get better.
Aaahh finally somewhere where i can vent my frustrations about my virgo relationship. I have been dating this virgo man for around 6 months! The first 3 months he claimed he would bring me down the moon and the stars but lately i have been noticing a growing distance between us! And it scares me and hurts me to death!! He calls less, he barely responds my texts. I sometimes i wish i could just have some self respect to myself and stop trying so hard to be perfect for him!! But im so in love with him!! Pleeeaaase advice!??
Great advice. I was with a Pisces man and he started pulling away. I inquired what was going on and got a lame excuse. I knew something was up. So I pulled back also. He wasn’t expecting that. Then I found there is another woman in the picture and I pulled so far back he’s been calling, drunk texting, and emailing. We work together and he’s been giving me gifts in the form of my favorite sweets at my desk to which I give away. I don’t respond to any of
I fell asleep typing my last post. Sorry! 🙂
I’m a Virgo man. Went on first date w Pisces woman. We hit it off. Spent the whole day together. It was fun. I’m. 56. She’s 55. She texted me this morning. I’m apprehensive. I don’t want to rush into this. I want both of us to get centered and let the passion to roll through to see the big picture. I I I Isuggested she date more to compare what’s available. Believe me I’d enjoy hanging w her but, as I’ve learned in dating at my age is to not hurry up the process and let things happen naturally. I understand a Pisces woman and Virgo match can led each partner to grow wonderfully, but for me I must go at my pace.
Hi @John Doe =)
Seems to me you would be doing you BOTH a favour, by telling this woman exactly what you have just written here for us.
It has been my experience that Virgo doesn’t speak up. They play along, giving the other person the mistaken view that they are down with whatever is going on, when in actual fact, they aren’t.
This is unfair & helps no one. So I suggest you are up front & clear about how you feel NOW to prevent any heartache coming down the line.
Hopefully, this lady will appreciate your side of things & the fact that you are being honest. Then, you can sort something out, that works for you both.
Good Luck!!
I don’t think the signs matter. If you are a woman in need of a man you will chase! If you are a man who is a commitment phobe you will run! The answer is for women to get more in touch with their independence and men more in touch with their interdependence. I chased a Libra man for YEARS, he would pull away and I would push harder, trying to get closer. It was maddening and humiliating but we had the best sexual chemistry ever!! I finally gave up and GOT A LIFE, found some hobbies, went back to school, got a great job, travelled and (unsuprisingly) met an awesome Leo man, we are now together 10 years.
Mr. Libra ran around for years, dating not at all seriously until he turned 40 and found himself a good partner, they are now engaged.
We saw each other at the holidays – he said I “transformed” him once I finally backed off and became a much more interesting and less needy person. He wanted me back but I never gave him the chance! Ladies, stop blaming the guys (Virgo or otherwise), stop analyzing the astrology (a jerk’s a jerk, a needy person’s a needy person) and stop trying to find joy and fulfillment through relationships and go look for greener pastures for YOURSELVES.
Preach it virgovixen… you’re right on! 🙂
Excellent post. Thank you, Elsa 🙂 Brilliant!