When Patterns (Pathology) In Relationships, Clash

pathYou can credit, God, astrology. grand design or whatever you like. For some reason, we draw people who somehow fit with us. Even if we’re irritated by someone, if we examine the situation, we’re likely to realize our run-in with a person has relevance on some level.  And then there are the anomalies…

I can only think of a few times in my life where I have really felt that someone wanted to pull me into some dynamic that is just not my gig, this life.  It’s as if they’re trying to cast me a blonde or something. I’m not a blonde! I’m stunned when I am miscast like this and I’ll elaborate.

There are a few things I am just not going to play. One of them is a battered woman.  If a man hits me, he’s going to be in for a shock. I don’t care how many times he’s run his game, I am not going down this road.

I am also not going to play the long-suffering woman with a philandering husband. I feel very strongly, these scripts are not for me and sure enough, I have avoided men who run them as I just don’t fit in this kind of puzzle.

Normally, people find matches.  They become two sides of an equation or three points of a triangle or whatever. But occasionally there is some kind of cosmic accident and next thing I know, someone’s trying to put a blonde wig on me so they can act in some movie that is common in their life but does not concern mine.

I respond by exiting the relationship, immediately in most cases.  “I’m not the droid you’re looking for.”  But an experience like this is unnerving. I feel responsible. I feel I must have gone off my path at some point or I’d not be off my path, yes?  And I have to be off my path or I’d not be running into situations or people where I can’t sync up.

Most the people who read this blog are aware that people recreate situations in their lives in order to work on and resolve trouble spots. Have you ever had an experience where someone has invited you to play a part that you know is not for you?  What happened and how did you handle it?  What do you think about this general?

26 thoughts on “When Patterns (Pathology) In Relationships, Clash”

  1. yes. when i was younger i was much more shy than i am now and all sorts of boys that i found boring/unattractive would make a play for me. i was always puzzled why i brought out the passions in such mild-mannered boys and, just like you said, i felt like they were not seeing me or what i wanted. usually i’d just scuttle away.

  2. i guess the role would be sweet bookish girlfriend. i’m a bit of a geek, yes, but i ain’t looking for a study partner.

    1. That’s interesting, kr. No one has ever tried to cast me as their mistress, that I can recall. There is nothing more gross in the world to me, then someone’s husband trying to get me into bed. Makes my skin crawl.

      This is like videos of people walking in the city. They show them to rapists, etc. The ask them to point out who they would target and they all pick the same woman…and that woman is not me.

  3. I used to find it really easy to get wrapped up in a guy’s life and perspective and lose my own (Venus opp. Neptune perhaps). I agree it’s about being on the wrong path because I definitely was when this occurred. I still have tendencies and have to catch myself, actually.

    One ex used to tell me that he wished I would just wear this, drink that, do this, talk to these people, act a certain way, etc. And it took me a few years to leave. I regret the time I wasted. I never conformed to his desires. Instead I was just deeply unsatisfied the entire time in every way possible. Ugh!

  4. Yes, mistress. Seems to be a recurring theme. Not for me- in fact, I don’t want to even be your girlfriend for that long before we are clear that this is leading to marriage.
    It’s insulting that someone thinks I’d be content with crumbs while some other woman has the security and perks. NO.

  5. I see it as a test. Maybe many years ago we would’ve bought into the scenario, but this time ’round we get to see that we really, really don’t need nor want to go there. I remember when I applied for a job and this potential colleague was showing me around. I could literally see her trying to create drama for herself, and trying to drag me into it. Good grief. Luckily the job was not for me, and seeing her doing this was a big red flag that the job was not for me. I also used to have a handful of girlfriends who all had Mars square or conjunct Pluto. They were just so……competitive and weirdly controlling. Finally i had enough, and dropped all of them! Done. No more of those types.

  6. I see it as a test. Maybe years ago we would’ve been drawn in, but now its different. I had applied for a job and this potential colleague was showing me around. She was talking about all this drama that was going on, but it was so clear to me that she was creating it all for herself, and trying to drag me into it! Luckily the job was not for me, and her weird scenario was a big red flag in that regard. I used to have a handful of girlfriends that were all mars square or conjunct pluto. They were very controlling and competitive with each other. I hated it, and finally just dropped all of them. Done! And I’ve never been attracted to those types of men or women ever again.

  7. I think when this happens one or the other persons is a little off their game just out of sync so to speak.

    My first husband would have abused me if I had let him but since it was a deal marriage and I did not allow him to abuse me it was over in about 3 years total max time.

    We were friends but circumstances made it seem as if the only option available would be to marry and change the situation. Not either one of us brighter moves I must say but we did get married we did change the situation and we produced one child. Got a divorce and went on our separate ways he will not acknowledge his child and the child now an adult could care less. I on the other hand I very much love the child and feel he was the best thing that came from this union.

    In the end I believe there are not accidents. This union has never been seen in my palm nor has any metaphysical person ever really seen this union but I believe it had to be so that my first born could be.

  8. sync-up. good term. I too have wondered why I’ve ended up (every once in awhile) where I just can’t seem to sync-up. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I just want to hang out because I am feeling lonely. Or, is it… ME? Am I running the racket and I can’t find someone to sync-up with my gig.
    Whichever or whatever, I too distance myself and start looking for new possibilities. best regards and enjoy your posts.

  9. I just met someone who is like a combination of every major male relationship in my life.Uncanny.

    He is a Pisces(my Mars in Pisces) He is tall blondish, looks lke my ex’s, a carpenter, an artist as they all are! So many things. Like I have a prototype ale!!

    I also recognize he is a bit wounded…which makes me a bit uncomfortable.

    But, if I am honest, I have to admit I am also wounded… well my masculine is wounded. Less then before, yet I know it still is a bit.

    So do I let this person into my life or heal the wound? I think the answer may end up being ‘both’. We attract what we need to grow.

    1. Avatar
      Hildegarde's Girl

      I agree. My current relationship is one we have both grown in. We are deep friends and I have loved him for over 5 years. Are charts are remarkably synced which convinced me we were meant to be. But as I grow I wonder if we were to just meet, grow, learn and move on.

  10. Just had one today – an experience wherein I realized “how do I get out of this script? I don’t want to play anymore.”

    It involved an old boyfriend who still harbors ideas of getting back together. We’re “friends” but his invitations that I go out of town to visit him strike me as inappropriate to say the least since I’m in a long term monogamous relationship and I’m happy.

    Today I cut him off short on the phone. I ending up saying words to the effect “I don’t have time for this” and I ended up making him angry enough that he said “well, call me back when you want to talk.”

    That will be never – Scorpio ascendant here has cut the cord.

    But I must say I took a kind of passive/agressive way out by not being direct enough in the beginning and then using the trick of making it look like he’s the one to back off.

    I try not to be mean and sometimes this leads to confusion. Then I have to be mean after all.

  11. Thought I was in sync with a Scorpio guy I was seeing. We both had the hots for each other until he told me Kate Beckinsale was his “dream girl”. I realized I was wasting my time since I could never be that girl for him. I’m worried that I seem to continue this pattern of being on the wrong tracks with the wrong guys.

    1. I realise this comment is 8 years overdue but felt I should add that romantic interests telling you their “dream mate” never goes well, especially if you have Virgo planets and like to dissect. If you aren’t like “dream mate”, any hotness between you is likely the result of horniness or fear of being alone. If you fit the “dream mate” it’s like you’ve been typecast for a role you might not necessarily want and everyone who fits that criteria can too.

      When I was young and naive and subscribed to magazines aimed at such a demographic, I too believed that sharing of fantasies could bring one party closer to another. The truth is, the closer you are to your partner’s fantasies, the more you realise that a) you don’t fit in them b) you are involved in them only because you are his current playmate and wants to act them out

      As such, now in my “wise old age” I prefer to know as little as is possible about others in the way of “fantasies” or actual experience. I don’t want the burden of having to re-enact or be different from or exceed previous encounters.

  12. identity consolidation
    i come out of experiences like that just a bit more sure of who i am by recognizing and standing up for what i am not.

  13. I belive everything must happen for a reason in our lives, things we like or we don’t…how can we leran something how can we grow and make diference if we don’t experience and make some choices. I did things i was aware a shouldn’t do or accept and kind of got burnt, but now i know who i am thou i still have many things to descover about myself…we cannot live a cristal globe…and ironically there were times when i was sure i won’t do something or won’t accept someone and life and life situations made do those things and accept those people…so i never say never…:)

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    drug dealer.

    Everyone thinks I know who has the drugs or that I can set them up with something. I probably do know who if I stopped and thought about it, I get everyone’s secrets but… I have NEVER done drugs in my life and would never push or sell drugs to anyone, ever. This has, thankfully, stopped as I’ve gotten older. (yes, please laugh, it’s worth a good belly laugh that the gal that doesn’t do and never has gets asked for where to buy)

    I don’t know if this is neptune in 7th, or my venus/pluto sq. or… 12th house sun.

    I’ve also gotten the “other woman” script and that is not me and never will be. I demand too much intensity, commitment and transformation to do that one. It feels like they’re talking to this person next to me that doesn’t really exist and I’m left standing there wondering who they’re talking to.

  15. Always attracted Scorpionic / 8th house / pluto critters,

    relationships were always complicated, major transformations take place on both sides, deep, intense interactions, extreme and total commitment, break ups were traumatic, but necessary

    All of them were very intelligent, intellectual types, – maybe my Mars in Libra

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    I currently have a man who is trying to pull me into the role of ‘fool’… I refuse to play that role. I have this feeling that this is a person who will just take advantage. Claim to spread love and positivity but yet be abusive on some level. He’s got more baggage than I care to explain. I’ve played the role before and I think as Barb said, it’s a test, how are my boundaries doing?! Is my character really that strong?! How can I evolve on the soul level?! Can I really trust my own gut and not allow someone to override what I feel and know intuitively?! I think in my case it’s more about trusting myself and my decisions even if it hurts another who has selfish motives.

  17. 2017: Dis b I b play a part meant for someone else’s story? 20 years I have, fighting it all the way miserably,, aND who caught he’ll for it? A leo whom I thought was my knight in shinning armour whose giving me a whacked out imbalanced version of the attention I never got. I don’t ask for perfect only normal. I told him he was a psychic vampire & needed to lay the fk off tonight, I’m a 48yr old woman very onto hiss scam & not into 60something year old men who wanna act like an isolated caged puppy or a lovesick 15 year old girl. It’s beyond coincidence I found this 2009 article during our moon in Scorpio. Selfish or not, I’ve put up with too much in my life& work too hard to to resubmit to this imbalanced needy sh*t. And heaven knows I thought I was the needy one.

  18. I see it as past life bleeding through into the here and now. Maybe you played that role before and you learned the lesson then or it’s not relevant in your here and now. But they still have the pattern to resolve and all they can see is how you were back then. I’ve had this happen in my life. I don’t know that much about astrology but wonder if Neptune plays a part in this?

  19. A spiritualist once said that some things come up again, and again, to test if you’re strong enough to say no. Or if you’re REALLY over it, or not!

  20. I totally agree with anonymoushermit on this one. Just we’re drawn to or repelled away from certain locations. If we recognize it’s a ‘been there, done that’ and not interested in going back, our ability to keep moving away from these situations is reinforced.

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    I get situations where people are invested in kicking the legs out of my independence so i have to rely on them in some way. I’m not talking about voluntary submission (because you care about someone), I’m talking about manipulative tactics that remove your options so all you have are the ones they put there. I can’t stand that. I would rather go without than be cornered so, sadly, I go without on a regular basis. I refuse to be part of that script. I like your comment that you’re not going to be their droid. lol perfect. Yeah, it’s like they are so sure they will get away with it because it worked on everyone else they used it on but they can’t figure out why nothing works on me…

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