You Can’t Change Anyone And This Includes Yourself!

The obvious dawned on me last night,Β  I hate when that happens. It was in regards to my life but my life is no different then yours so here I am.

The idea you are going to help someone or fix someone or change their life may be noble but I think it’s doomed to fail on a certain level. We all have ways of being or characteristics that are hard-wired and shown in our charts. In my last night, I was jarred by something my husband said and then I realized I was jarred in general.

I was jarred when I learned my daughter was ill. I am jarred by people on this blog every day, and by the news.Β  When I was 10 years old,Β  I stole my grandfather’s truck and drove around knocking trees with the side mirrors; Annalisa was in the truck screaming and that part was jarring. 8 years ago, HQ told me I was still in that truck today, careening around leaving comments on blogs back in the day – I’m sure you see what I am saying because I bang around on this blog everyday.

What I am saying is I am a jarred person, both jarred and jarring so if you think you have an angle on an idea that would make me be a calm, easy going, pot smoker… er, probably not.

I was not that thrilled when I realized this last night. People (including me) like to think it possible they arrive at a place of peace and when I thought that last night, I realized I DO arrive at a place of peace… right before I pull back into traffic.

It’s sort of funny to think of the EPIC FAIL of all the people in my life who have tried to change the hairs on my head (and yours).Β  I am glad of the humor because it offsets the JARRING knowledge, I am going to be knocking around in a truck as pictured, forever more.

What is hard-wired in you?

38 thoughts on “You Can’t Change Anyone And This Includes Yourself!”

  1. Hard wired in me- my reluctance to be mothered, while simultaneously seeking out nurturing relationships.
    Being hard on myself, feeling like everything generates from me–I ’cause’ everything. This is kind of like a reverse, perverse ego-thing.

    The upside: I know how to take responsibility. I want other people to feel love. I want to love.

  2. Avatar
    curious wanderer

    I have changed in many ways, but my basic nature, no.

    Part of my sweeping changes has been part of a semi-structured program that encourages living in the moment, minimizing worry about the future, “one day at a time” type stuff. For awhile, I felt like I wasn’t doing the best I could because I was still living somewhat in the future, concerned about goals and plans and such.

    Well, accepting myself is also part of my program, and I’ve come to a lot of peace accepting that I am significantly Cap/Virgo, and I am a goal-oriented, plan-making type of gal. I can’t always live one day at a time, because I may just one day at a time myself off the side of my current mountain.

    And ya know what? I like being goal-oriented. πŸ™‚

  3. I really see no change at all in myself since I was 4 or 5 which is as far back as I can remember. I wonder if this means I don’t learn a damned thing or if my character was just plain formed or if it like this for everyone. I think it is like this for everyone but every time I say that people disagree like mad. πŸ™‚

    1. Avatar
      Warped by Wuthering Heights

      Your character is what makes you unique and fantastic, Elsa — we wouldn’t want you any other way!

  4. I think I’m much the same now as I was as a child,and as a young adult.I just look older,But I am still that first creation.the peronality and characteristics remain the same.

  5. Avatar
    curious wanderer

    Honestly, after thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve as much changed as corrected, becoming more of who I truly am…when we are very young children we are who we truly are until we learn that’s not ok, so we learn to hide who we truly are.

    I’m done with hiding.

  6. oh, yes- my hardware is the same, seeing what i want to and not what is until it “crashes” around me or, luckily coincides with my ideal.
    rationalizing my emotions.
    plotting the emergency exits in relationships, (just in case.)
    self doubt.
    need for risk and challenge.
    and so many others… but, i’ve updated/upgraded my system and am always looking for new “software” to help direct my positive qualities most productively (this site has been a big help).
    when faced with something i just can’t do, i find someone who can, and ask their advice.
    this actually has changed completely. i used to be much less willing to take advice/ask for help.

  7. I am fixed, way fixed. In some cases this means I tend to be too focused on the past. Case in point I wished everyone the best for 2010 in this year’s greeting card. And this wasn’t the first time I did that!
    I agree with Curious, I have not so much changed as corrected and edited tendencies. For the good I hope.

  8. I’m a bit confused by what you mean by “change”, so I’m going to fall back on an example. I’ve got sun opposite moon, that’s hard wired as you say, won’t change (so there I’d agree with you). What has changed is my knowledge of it and how I direct that energy now (that has changed).

    Another example would be mercury conjunct mars in my 1st house. I can remember at 10yrs old walking around spouting off my opinions and how offensive that seemed to be to everyone around me (also my mars in the 1st energy really seemed to set a lot of people off as well). That has changed, I don’t like to be offensive to people, so I’ve changed how that energy comes across (like keeping my opinions to myself) as well as how my mars in the 1st energy comes across (not as successful with this one though). So those traits again are hard wired, a part of my chart. But I’ve changed how I direct that energy, any comment on were that puts me?

  9. I am twenty-three now, and I am exactly the same person I was when I was three. My character is fuller, richer, and more refined, but it is essentially the same. No one really changes. They may find new ways of directing their energy, but it is still the same energy.

  10. My Mom just gave me an early Christmas present yesterday. It was a photo album of my baby pictures – thru – about 3rd grade+… Let’s just say, ‘those dorky years’. Which was totally OK

    We laughed, we remembered… it was awesome. No, I haven’t changed much. That’s OK. I was fine at 13, I’m fine at 43 (well, might be closer to 48… who’s counting? And so are YOU!

  11. l agree with you again on this. Even if l wished it was different and people can change.
    The hard wired stuff will stay hard wired. Maybe the way people deal with it can look different sometimes…confusing!

    Have no idea what is hard wired in me, l guess l’m still the same as always and can’t hide it.. at the moment head is foggy, down with a cold and stuff is spinning….:(

  12. Yes, I agree. Me? Oh, hard wired defensive! And still trundling round on my little tin tricycle looking for trouble! Solstice love to all!

  13. @ Elsa ” I realized I DO arrive at a place of peace… right before I pull back into traffic. ”

    I’m starting to realize that I may be the person that burns herself down just so she can rebuild and feel the exaltation of rising from the ashes. Your comment in the quote really hit home.

  14. “…any comment on were that puts me?”

    Ahead of me? I don’t want to be offensive either but I always manage.

    As I stated, this may only apply to me. I don’t see it that that way but you can see the reaction I get when I state by beliefs – my beliefs are abrasive!

  15. I guess I’ll add that I fit this rule and I don’t know an exception to this rule – personally. Every person I have ever known fits this rule but I don’t know everyone so…

    Also, there are phrases handed down like, “A leopard doesn’t change his spots” which indicate there are others who have made the same observation or come to the same conclusion.

  16. there’s an italian phrase akin to the leopard spot one, that i really like, because i find so much truth in it

    this is the rough translation:
    a wolf will shed its fur but never its vice

  17. @ Elsa, “I don’t want to be offensive either…” I hear ya. “my beliefs are abrasive…” again, I hear ya. Thing is you’ll stand and fight for them. I think that’s what jars people more sometimes, personally I find it admirable (I got cancer: a straight on stand up fight just ain’t in my hard wiring LOL!). As for being “ahead of you?” Doubt it, but I don’t see it as ahead or behind anyway, it’s just where I’m at- most days I’m out here in left field! ;o)

    As for the hard wiring, I’ll agree that doesn’t change in people. But my jury is still out on people changing how they direct their energies.

  18. Nah, I’m still the same intense, freaky person with privacy issues that I was when I was a kid. Funny thing is, I’m quite sure I went through a “personality modification” when I was in my twenties (while married to my first husband), then reverted back to being me after the divorce.

  19. I’m hardwired to get my back up when someone tries to mother me or tell me they know what I should do. Doesn’t matter who it is or what it is.

    For example, I love to read but if someone tells me I HAVE to read. I will simply not read. I want to do things intuitively, not by routine or because it’s good for me (I totally have no Saturnian influence in my chart, can you tell πŸ™‚ ).

    (Virgo Sun in opposition to my Pisces Moon – 4 planets Virgo)

  20. I think that people are born with innate gifts and that life is a refining process and that we’re here to express those gifts. I’ve had a handful of key people who by example taught me how to live, how to handle situations, how not to overreact. How to stay in the moment, how to have self-love and to not judge, that is one of the trickiest. It takes constant self-observation. In each moment one can ask for the wisdom to make the right choice. Also I’ve seen people work on themselves and change for the better. The best way to change anything or anyone is by example and making the choice to take the higher road. I’m so thankful for the people who showed me the way. The two “wolves” that live inside each of us, which one do you choose to feed?

  21. Well Burt Goldman(quantum jumping) says we can make changes to the blueprint, and with all the new neuro research happening i.e. Music and the Brain, Plasticity and the Brain, research on the absolute necessity of natural sounds to the ears, and Heart Math experiments with human resonating frequencies in regards to those of our animal companions and the planet itself…maybe we are destined to re-invent ourselves always being in process. I, for one, am grateful for the effect you have on your community, and your personal process is probably moving you into that place where you can observe it from greater heights with insight into how that (yours) process was so very necessary to help others along their paths to fullfill their process,m your part in the web…’the banging, being jarred around…the awkwardness in your perception, maybe was the ‘freeing’ dynamic for others… verbose, verbose … Maybe we can’t change the hard-wiring, but maybe its just about awareness, of the constellation we create when we come together with intention and heart.

  22. Yep. When I was in kindergarten I made the front page of the weekly paper in the town of my birth. Western day. I’m standing on the merry go round in Wranglers, cowboy boots, a lavender shirt and purple cowboy hat. Black and white photo but I recall the colors. I have my hand on my hip and this tough expression on my face. I look so fearless and in control. “You were the trail boss,” a friend said, staring at the picture. I’m still that all business no nonsense little girl. Except when I give the reins to my space cadet Venus in Aquarius.

  23. This may sound like a stupid question, but if we don’t change, then what’s the purpose of having a progressed chart?

    1. I’d search this blog, “progressed chart”. People do evolve, but the Mars Mercury conjunction in my natal chart is ever-present. I don’t think I could ever be a soft-spoken person. I’m just not drawn that way.

      However, I have changed my appearance over the years, based on feeling (progressed moon). But I still have black hair…or certain features that are hard-wired. I think this is similar. πŸ™‚

  24. I kind of got involved with someone wonderful who has Virgo, Venus Neptune, and a tendency toward substance abuse. He reads and is more independent of cultural influence than I am, but while I self soothe with TV, he does it with reading, music, and alcohol. Even if he is functional and has pulled himself out of worse addictions.
    We haven’t talked in a time because I have my own issues, with procrastination and not living up to my dreams or the grand plans I tell him. I stopped talking to him partly cause I needed to wallow in crap and be imperfect.

  25. Anyway, my question is, is there any way for someone with a pattern in their chart or past that leads them to substance abuse to use those aspects for good
    Is it on me to bring him to that
    Or do I be involved and stand by and watch him mess it up

  26. Additionally I have some horrible patterns myself. I am a self obsessed egoist. I might not love my parents and this has caused me all kinds of obsessive struggle. I thought i wasn’t capable of love at all. I can’t reconcile with any of my fears or darkness I just obsess for years as if it will change. I don’t know how to accept my ugliness and use it for good. Also nobody believes me of my friend circle. My fifth house sun and security obsessed self prevents me from being OK with mediocrity of skill or inhuman failings

  27. In fact none of my friends whose charts I looked at have hacked this. It seems hard for us. I’ve been gentle with myself realizing it’s hard to change. I wanted someone to be gentle with me. That task falls to me

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