I feel much of life is seen upside-down these days. It’s usual to look for a partner who makes you happy. I’m not sure this is the right tack.
I say this for many reasons. Here are a few of them:
- Your partner is not responsible for your happiness
- Even if your partner makes you VERY happy, it does not mean they will be able to sustain you, day in, day out, forever.
- Some holes cannot be filled by a partner. Also, some holes should not be filled by the partner.
- If your happiness is contingent on having your partner, what happens when or if you lose them.
I think the idea a partner is supposed to make you happy is just another narrative put forth to make sure people who fall for it are perennially dissatisfied. If not this, then what?
I recommend you partner with someone who makes you a better person. You, me, all of us, we need to grow. We need to learn, mature and evolve. You want someone who encourages these things and helps to bring them about, one way or the other.
Astrologically, check your Venus and your Mars. Your chart will show you what you need, but you want to look at these things with more than a cursory glance. Let me give you an example.
I have Mars in Libra. I want to partner. But can just anyone step in? Of course not.
Mars is conjunct Mercury; my partner better like to talk. Mars in Libra – they better not have a glass jaw, that’s for sure.
This conjunction is in the expansive 9th house. No mental midgets, please. No small minds. No narrow thinking. No bigots. Also, no lying dogs. I am enraged (Mars) by those things.
Hopefully someone well educated and/or well traveled. “Foreigner” is good. I want to expand my knowledge via my partner. 9th house!
Religions is good too. 9th! You need beliefs, that you will fight (Mars) for; I don’t even care what they are.
I could easily write fifty more lines… do you see, “make me happy” showing up on this list?
I don’t think so. I am happy. I need something more than that. Something beyond (9th house)…
You see what I’m saying, right?
What are you looking for in a partner? What should you be looking for? Be honest.
totally relate! astrologically, too. Interesting to see it laid out for me 😀 thanks!
Right on time Elsa! Just this morning I was wrestling with the idea of being married and what the hell is marriage for, anyway. Well, it’s just as you said. And also, who’s going to have your back when shit gets real? You have to be good friends, above all.
I’m not getting any if my holes filled these days 🤷♀️
Haha.
I hear you. I believe it’s a sign of the times. Who can relax and take an emotional chance when the world is so filled with tension? Dating Apps are a cesspool (so I hear) and no wonder the birth rate is plummeting.
I just hope I am still fuckable by the time the pendulum swings back.
I dreamed up the man I’m married to, 30 years to the day or close enough. I have Venus closely conjunct Jupiter in sun the 11th house. He’s from a very different culture, but very similar to my working class, laborer beginnings —my dad was a bulldozer man.
I wanted (Venus) the new and different version of partnering after my first marriage ended. We had LOTS to learn to make the relationship work beyond the lusty luscious beginning.
My active and very aspected 8th house in Leo and his Cancer sun with lots of quirky Gemini has made a very rich and changeable journey. I’m Scorpio heavy and fixed; do the lessons this marriage has me learning is about adapting while keeping my groundedness.
I live with long term health issues which began midway in our 30 years together. Yes! A partner who will have your back and love the tough reality and be ready to give that back when the table turns.
The imperfection of a commitment is a process and we have learned what and how to communicate what that means with time, and patience.
I learned I need good friends in addition to a husband. It’s more fun when I can chew the fat and know a few close friends give me another angle. I’m nearsighted 😏
I like the post, Elsa. And, this man makes life interesting and that includes happy times.
I have a long list. So far nobody exists to fulfill it. I don’t know why literally nobody is out there for me to partner with, but maybe I just need to take any warm body I can get.
That’s what a man would do! Maybe the process would be enlightening.
Oh I love this topic
I am looking forward to a second chance at this…and am in no hurry
I have lots in Scorpio 1st and 2nd houses plus NN
My Venus in Capricorn in 4th house …whole sign
Pluto Virgo gen
Did my time raising 5 children
Moons in Cancer way up at the top of my chart
A team player is about what I’d be looking for with a curious mind around life and travel
And a quiet home base
Absolutely! I picked someone who challenges me to grow daily and it’s hard because I am a fixed sign, fixed ASC, fixed Mars, and fixed N And S nodes. He has a mutable Sun, Moon, mutable ASC and a fixed N and S nodes in different elements than mine. We get along great until I get stubborn. But we are best friends first and always will be. He doesn’t need to make me happy but if he makes me UN happy, well Hell hath no fury! lol just kidding! I do let him know.
And visa versa, if I make him UN happy..I’ll be hearing about. And that’s growth to and learning to have Empathy.
So Mars is what you want?
And Venus is what you need?
If this is true and they’re conjunct each other then what you want and what you need are the same. (?)
If they are conjunct the ASC then you would want/need someone who really SEES you? Pays a lot of attention to you?
If you threw Chiron in that mix, would you want/need someone who can help you heal on a deep level?
Mars is what you want and also how you get it.
Venus is what you value and also how you love and attract.
The moon is what you need, how you give and receive comfort.
Ok thank you!! 💖