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Driven by Spite

buendia
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(@buendia)
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I’ve made it to my thirties having never been driven by spite, until now, regarding something particular to me. 

Someone recently told me point blank “You can’t ______,” regarding something I struggle with, and I realized no one has said something like that to me so directly. And viciously. Ever. I was more shocked than hurt, but even more so, I think I’ve solved this problem because I know, absolutely, I actually can do this thing. In a logical, feet on the ground way. I’m doing it, and I hear this phrase ring in my head, and I just…keep on. The struggling and despairing and worrying parts of my struggle aren’t really there anymore.

Since I’ve never been driven in this way before, from the outside I’ve always considered being driven by spite to have a negativity to it, but being here now, it doesn’t feel negative. 

Anyone ever been driven by spite? Never? Sometimes? Always? What’s the astrology? My first guess is Mars Pluto.

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(@sirena-oceana)
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Good for you! I concur re Mars/Pluto. I have them parallel and Mars H8. I am driven the same way. Never tell me I can’t do something. I will find a way to do it that’s for sure. I wouldn’t call it spite, but maybe in a way it is. I’ll have to think about it and get back to you!

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buendia
(@buendia)
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@sirena-oceana thank you. I definitely might have used the wrong phrase. I just thought the phrase was used to convey, proving someone wrong.

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(@gogol)
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I've done this too, & I'm tempted to believe that it's more common that we think.
My guess would be some sort of Mars/pluto or saturn contact...rage that drives you, & sustains over time. Not a Jupiter thing for sure!

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Libra Noir
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No but I’ve failed out of spite. That’s my Mars in Scorpio. Probably your way is better lol. 

Actually I think the best way for me is just truly be in tune with what I desire and ignore all the people. I’m still practicing this obviously and I know that everyone has different lessons and that’s mine. 

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buendia
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@libra-noir see that’s the thing, I’m with you a hundred percent, except for this circumstance, which is why it’s remarkable to me. I’ve been all things to myself, for myself—my own best friend, cheerleader, worst enemy. And so on. I don’t think of myself as stubborn in my opinions, but maybe my nature? If that makes sense. Unswayable, from the outside (even to my detriment, at times). Difficult to articulate.

Thing is, I really did fear that I would never be able to do this thing I’ve been struggling with for almost two decades. So much sadness and despair. That phrase unlocked something very deep inside me. It kind of woke up something in me that hadn’t any desire to wake before then. I don’t know why but when I heard that, I just knew with everything in me, that it wasn’t true. Even though I myself had feared it was true until that moment. 

And I’m not mad. No rage. I’m grateful, though I still remember feeling shocked. Kind of like I had been deceiving myself this whole time in fearing myself a sure failure in this circumstance, and I’ve met a part of myself I didn’t know was there before. Like I’m more me now.

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buendia
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When I stand back, I’m grateful, not that I’m some walking picture of gratitude to someone who said something mean to me lol. I’m more surprised, because I’m not trying hard. It kinda feels effortless.

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Libra Noir
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@buendia That’s cool. Sometimes guidance and messages come in strange packages.

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Elsa
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 Elsa
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(@plutopussycat)
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@elsa Soooo interesting the timing of this post and thread.

Was feeling the after effects of deeply unpleasant spell at work this week, realising I had to have a hand in it. Was studying current transits, and bought a Robert Hand transit book, to find out more and lo, mars sq pluto transit likely one part of the picture. Not just mine, but also folks I work with.

Realised that the sq can kick in a regular cycle. Reflected on what was happening, how I was feeling, and what I doing in the recent ones. Very revealing, and just having awareness of this and knowing I could have options was so helpful, so I tried some different stuff today and it all felt so much better. My big lessons are that it’s good to know where mars is transiting, and taking responsibility for how energy is directed. 

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buendia
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@elsa I also love this series, Elsa, and it describes exactly how I feel. It’s my knife now.

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Elsa
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(@sirena-oceana)
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@elsa love this series. It’s so true!

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Elsa
 Elsa
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