I think the sign is important here. Lilith in Cancer with the ascendant can suggest that difficult issues around your family/upbringing had a profound effect on you and your self-image. Did you feel like you didn't have the family you wanted growing up, or felt out of place in your family? Is having a family of your own something very important to you or something you shun? Do you  tend to hide your softer, nurturing side? 

I have Lilith in Cancer on my MC, I've read this about the placement, and it very much applies to me. I don't know if you can relate. It has other connotations being that it's on my MC - namely, I am inordinately sensitive to being disrespected by an authority figure, like a boss at work. 

Lilith is also related to raw sexuality, so I would think what Fibuceus mentionned also applies. The fact it's in your 12h might be the reason you can't see it (but others can). It can mean you are very giving to your partner, very attentive to their needs, but have a hard time asserting your own needs.  

I would think it adds a lot of intensity to your Mars too because of the conjunction... maybe a bad temper, maybe the tendency to hold a grudge, since Cancer has a long memory. If Saturn or Pluto was also involved, I would think this could also be a potential marker for abuse during childhood (sorry if this is a trigger).

Fibuceus said

I was actually just thinking about the 12th v. 1st house thing haha......I had forgotten that you said yours was 12th house. From what you describe that definitely sounds like 12th house planets in action. My pluto is in 12th house but my Lilith is first so in my case it's a little hard to differentiate between the two. From what I've read about the 12th house, the closer to the ascendant a planet is, the less of a secret it becomes. So from how you describe yourself it seems like your Lilith is similar to my Pluto. My Pluto is four degrees from my ascendant, so even though it's in the 12th it's not very hidden. I believe we become aware of the traits associated with planets in the 12th house at a time based on their placement in that house. So if my Pluto were to be placed at the very start of my 12th I may have had to go awhile longer in life before I discovered Pluto's powers in me. So I imagine that Lilith is the same for you, can you post your chart on here?  

strawb. said
I think the sign is important here. Lilith in Cancer with the ascendant can suggest that difficult issues around your family/upbringing had a profound effect on you and your self-image. Did you feel like you didn't have the family you wanted growing up, or felt out of place in your family? Is having a family of your own something very important to you or something you shun? Do you  tend to hide your softer, nurturing side? 

I have Lilith in Cancer on my MC, I've read this about the placement, and it very much applies to me. I don't know if you can relate. It has other connotations being that it's on my MC - namely, I am inordinately sensitive to being disrespected by an authority figure, like a boss at work. 

Lilith is also related to raw sexuality, so I would think what Fibuceus mentionned also applies. The fact it's in your 12h might be the reason you can't see it (but others can). It can mean you are very giving to your partner, very attentive to their needs, but have a hard time asserting your own needs.  

I would think it adds a lot of intensity to your Mars too because of the conjunction... maybe a bad temper, maybe the tendency to hold a grudge, since Cancer has a long memory. If Saturn or Pluto was also involved, I would think this could also be a potential marker for abuse during childhood (sorry if this is a trigger).  

1.My family is a very big wound for me. I love them all more than anything, but their dysfunction causes me a lot of pain. It affected my entire life, who I "became" in the eyes of the world, and what I am as an individual is colored by the choices of those who came before me... in perhaps more for me, than most.

2. Having a family of my own is a huge deal to me, but most men don't see me as mother material -_-  ... Even though I am a "good girl".  

3.I don't hide or shun my softer, nurturing side now, but I used to when I was young... I am nurturing and soft-hearted to a fault... but, I am learning that I must guard it because I am very easily taken for granted/ taken advantage of. 

4. I am an incredibly giving partner... I give to the point of exhaustion. I don't know how to stop. I am trying to learn. It's been very heartbreaking, overall. I *deeply* want someone to care about who will care back, equally. But, I'm finding that what I'll have to do, instead, is stop caring to the extent I do. I don't know how to do it. I don't know if I can.

5. Not a temper-haver or grudge holder. I do remember things and can have a hard time detaching from how someone treated me, but that's totally involuntary. I don't want to hold onto bad feelings, ever, if I can help it... I will cop to having an explosive temper as a kid, but I don't think that's my personality, now that I'm stable. I think that was a reaction to very volatile and difficult circumstances.

6. My childhood was very abusive/neglectful, and I ended up in an abusive marriage at a young age. Everything (ASC/Mars/Lilith) is trine Pluto.

Pretty much spot on.

That's quite a full 12th house you have. Perhaps I'm reading this wrong but it doesn't look like Lilith is actually conjunct your ascendant, so that may be why your Lilith qualities are "hidden" from you. This doesn't have anything to do with your original post but I notice your moon is in Aries. I'm still pretty new to astrology but to me there probably is significance to having Mars conjunct your Cancer ascendant and your moon in Aries. If you haven't looked into what that could mean you might want to, I may look into it myself now just out of curiosity lol

Fibuceus said
Perhaps I'm reading this wrong but it doesn't look like Lilith is actually conjunct your ascendant, so that may be why your Lilith qualities are "hidden" from you.

Lilith is at 3 degrees Cancer with ascendant at 4 degrees Cancer so yes, Lilith is conjunct the ascendant.

I would interpret Lilith conjunct ascendant as a provocative feminine energy that someone carries around with them in their physical persona. It could be sexual or it could be provocative in another way, challenging gender norms, etc. (Not sure if Lilith in Cancer would do that but maybe.) In any case it causes strong reactions. On the 12th house side the effect may be more unconscious, not only to the bearer of the aspect but also in terms of its effect on others. But you're aware, and the conjunction to the ascendant is very close in this case so it's clearly something you have at your disposal. Read up on Lilith, learn to love it, and think of how you can use its energies to your advantage because you've got 'em!

Fibuceus said
That's quite a full 12th house you have. Perhaps I'm reading this wrong but it doesn't look like Lilith is actually conjunct your ascendant, so that may be why your Lilith qualities are "hidden" from you. This doesn't have anything to do with your original post but I notice your moon is in Aries. I'm still pretty new to astrology but to me there probably is significance to having Mars conjunct your Cancer ascendant and your moon in Aries. If you haven't looked into what that could mean you might want to, I may look into it myself now just out of curiosity lol  

It's called mutual reception. Jupiter is exalted in Cancer, also, so it's kind of a power-chain (or at least that's what I like to call it). It just barely saves me from having a 12H Cancer Mars opp Neptune. hah

Lillith is 1 degree from ASC.