cosmicbeast said

Fibuceus said
Perhaps I'm reading this wrong but it doesn't look like Lilith is actually conjunct your ascendant, so that may be why your Lilith qualities are "hidden" from you.

Lilith is at 3 degrees Cancer with ascendant at 4 degrees Cancer so yes, Lilith is conjunct the ascendant.

I would interpret Lilith conjunct ascendant as a provocative feminine energy that someone carries around with them in their physical persona. It could be sexual or it could be provocative in another way, challenging gender norms, etc. (Not sure if Lilith in Cancer would do that but maybe.) In any case it causes strong reactions. On the 12th house side the effect may be more unconscious, not only to the bearer of the aspect but also in terms of its effect on others. But you're aware, and the conjunction to the ascendant is very close in this case so it's clearly something you have at your disposal. Read up on Lilith, learn to love it, and think of how you can use its energies to your advantage because you've got 'em!  

Interesssttttiiinggg.

I'm kind of starting to gather info on this energy. This: ( http://sanjaperic.com/2005/04/28/lilith-in-cancer/) suggests the "family protector", which makes loads of sense. I've had legitimate thoughts about putting a hit out my sister's ex-husband for intentionally using my niece to hurt my sister. She has lost weight, sleep-walks, and is super introverted now, at seven. I have literally gotten physically sick thinking about how much I hate him. If I could get away with it, I might have done it by now. He is the only person I've ever felt that extremely about. I'm grateful that I live 3000 miles away from him. When my niece was born, I felt like I shape-shifted into a werewolf. When I held her in my arms for the first time, I realized I would do terrible things to keep her safe. It was a really intense moment.

Lesser, but still relevant: I've physically attacked people who picked on/hit my brother and sister. I'm a snarling pitbull around anyone who gets too close to my mother (especially now that she's in frail health). I remember once, a kid and his brother from my school who were  into scamming people tried to flag down my mother with their car in traffic and pull her over, insisting she'd hit them. I was in the car. We hit nobody. As the older brother attempted to squeeze my mom for money, I got out of the car and swung on him... threw a large rock at his car, got right in his face and screamed at him that if he ever so much as looked at her again, I would "curbstomp" him. I was basically foaming at the mouth. They were super freaked out and left. (Not my proudest moment.) My mother was super upset with me for being so aggressive. She considered taking me to therapy. lol.

I've also been this way, but to a lesser extent, with people who bother my close friends or significant others. I am normally very logical, passive, laid-back, and friendly, but in this specific sense, I get completely irrational and can become very violent. I don't care if someone offends or hurts me. I could care less. I'll fight back if swung on, but I would never go out of my way to be physically violent. I've had two exes physically and emotionally abuse me, and I never stood up for myself... just curled up in a ball and cried. Hurting someone I love, no matter how much they hurt me, isn't something I can do.

The moment someone messes with someone I love, though, something in me snaps in half. It's a very dark part of me, and I'm coming to terms with it. In recent years, I've been waaaaaaaay better at handling it. When I was a kid, things were different. I blacked out in a rage when I found out that someone pushed my sister off of a deck at a party, and I hunted her down at school and seriously wrecked her. Didn't say a word to her. She didn't even know who I was. I just started attacking her. I almost got expelled for it, but I was top honors at my school, so I got away with a suspension. I wasn't arrested, either, surprisingly enough. It's kind of embarrassing to admit all of this, tbh, but it's the truth.

"Protector" is a very masculine position. So, that jives with your description of bucking gender norms somewhat. I'm a very complex mix of masculine and feminine, but I always attributed that to the Aries/Cancer dichotomy in my chart.

In a sexual sense, it's the provision of pleasure to others while denying the self, which is very much me. That translates to excessive self-sacrifice in non-sexual senses, as well: i.e. (I would burn at the stake for you).

That link also said there is a maternal heritage. I quite agree. My family is very matrilineal. There are no notable men heading up the family. It's women. All women. My mother was my mother and my father. The women in my family do not mess around, and we are far from pushovers.

I'm assuming having Mars sandwiched in with Lilith/ASC, Pluto trine, and Aries Moon, inflated by Jupiter can explain the violent part. hah.

edit: Aaaaaaand, I've been too honest and made myself sound like a monster. lol. Oh well. 

Sounds like your analysis is spot on. Lilith isn't afraid to play dirty, and Mars there just bolsters that. Sounds like a very potent energy and also Cancerian in its expression.

Oops I was looking at Chiron's placement xD lol I had a brain fart and thought the symbol for Chiron was Lilith. Is Mars at the exact same degree as Lilith? They're both one degree from your ascendant? That's fucking intense I bet. Also if they are a single degree away I wouldn't consider them to have any influence from the 12th house. They probably act more like they're in your first house. I'm very intrigued by their effects on your outer persona and I'm also curious as to how Mars and Lilith interact with each other. Especially because your ascendant is Cancer. It's most likely a good placement for Lilith because Lilith is said to be very Scorpio, but Mars isn't comfortable in Cancer. They probably give you a strong sex drive, unless Mars being in Cancer balances. Do you have issues with relationships? I notice that Pluto is opposite Venus and Uranus is in your 7th house. I would interpret that as meaning that you tend to get into intense relationships with odd or eccentric people. But I didn't look too int depth at your chart so I could be way off.