Extraordinary how close the parallels are - how similar the tricks our various mothers pulled! Mine always accused me of 'having no feelings'. The evidence to the contrary was only too clear - I spent most of my childhood in tears, and exhibiting various symptoms of emotional stress.

But I also tried very hard to rise above it all and concentrate on my own 'self-development' so I could be free one day and *function* - and I guess that really bugged her. She craved the dependence of others - even as she so abused it

My sister has never forgotten the day I fought back ... Ma had me cornered by the back door in the passage beisde the larder - she was beating seven bells out of me for something trivial or imagined, as usual. And I finally hit her back, with force (I rode and swam a lot then and played hiockey, so I was quite strong): all hell broke loose. Sis started screaming and trying to pull Ma off me... When she stopped I told her 'Don't you ever hit me again' with real venom - and I don't think she ever did. Dad was away somewhere, fishing maybe! I was 15, Sis was 16. She talked about this incident right into ther 50s, it was so traumatic for her (divided layalties, real violence)

BP I got that too. "Your so cold. You have no feelings" Ugh! I am glad you fought back, and got away to live your own life.

Esther,

Thank you very much for the book reference. I have a friend who will be eager to read the book. She's been trying to heal herself from the effects of a narcissistic mother.

When dealing with my narcissitic mother, this song has kept me strong:

I will not be pushed
I will not be stamped defiled
I will not be crushed
I am not your only child

I am not a freak
object of your own desire
I am not ashamed
I am not an alibi

I stand alone, now I can see
You won't bring me down
For all this pain and misery
I'm not broken

Crushed, crushed

I am not a pawn
This is not a game of chess
I am not a pin stuck into your shiny vest
I am not a slave
I will do what I do best
Walking out on you
Take my life and leave the rest

All the hatred can't you see
You won't bring me down
All your lies have set me free
I'm not broken

(c) Bruce Dickinson

He wrote it, apparently for his own mother.

I felt numb last night after reading all the comments. It's overwhelming.

About the accusations of having no feelings. My mother pulled the exact opposite trick. HAVING feelings was considered an offense! I was always warned not to be like my aunt (she's a nutt case) whenever I had the nerve to show emotions. Pretty much everything got swept under the rug. My mother has Chiron cj. Moon in Capricorn, amongst other placements, and a deep seated fear of anything having to do with psychology. For someone as Plutonic as she is, this must be very hard.

For anyone considering reading the Karyl McBride book, I hope you find it useful. I remember finding it on Amazon, and reading the ten or so pages. It was the moment I felt validated more than ever re. feeling the way I had felt for a long long time, and at the same time it scared the living daylights out of me. I cried and cried and cried reading those pages.

Wow canscocap, those are powerful words!

Thank you, copy/paste it to my comp.