I was disgusted by how a friend took advantage of my mental illness in high school. I was in a weak mental state, and he took some of my stuff/things, knowing I was mentally weak.

All the tactisc mentioned above. I had a man who used various tactics on me. First the hot and cold play, I told him to stop. He got mad. He insisted that I am too demanding. To regain balance (there are times I really dislike my Libra Moon) I started to tiptoe around him. But I don't like to walk on eggs. So I told him, he is not the only person on Earth. He got mad. He tried some gaslighting, too, insisting he told me things but I told him, he didn't. Since we communicated mainly over internet, I had evidence, he didn't tell me anything he insisted. Than he changed tone and insulted me (telling me I was crazy). I told him in a very calm manner that he is being manipulative and he should stop it. He got more manipulative. Finally I lost my temper and told him, he is an asshole. And that's where our story ended.

I would like to tell something encouraging, but a manipulative person is not very likely to quit being manipulative because you tell them to. Straight communication might help, try it. Just stay calm. But my experience is that they get more harsh and abusive if they realize they can't fool you.

whynot said
All the tactisc mentioned above. I had a man who used various tactics on me. First the hot and cold play, I told him to stop. He got mad. He insisted that I am too demanding. To regain balance (there are times I really dislike my Libra Moon) I started to tiptoe around him. But I don't like to walk on eggs. So I told him, he is not the only person on Earth. He got mad. He tried some gaslighting, too, insisting he told me things but I told him, he didn't. Since we communicated mainly over internet, I had evidence, he didn't tell me anything he insisted. Than he changed tone and insulted me (telling me I was crazy). I told him in a very calm manner that he is being manipulative and he should stop it. He got more manipulative. Finally I lost my temper and told him, he is an asshole. And that's where our story ended.

I would like to tell something encouraging, but a manipulative person is not very likely to quit being manipulative because you tell them to. Straight communication might help, try it. Just stay calm. But my experience is that they get more harsh and abusive if they realize they can't fool you.  

Why would they stop doing it if it was fun for them to mess with you? When I say 'you' I mean 'other people'.

anonymoushermit said

Why would they stop doing it if it was fun for them to mess with you? When I say 'you' I mean 'other people'.  

Yes, there are people who think it's fun to mess with others. They are extremly bored and empty people. Or just immature. Or sick in their mind. Or I dunno. Can't identify myself with them.

And there are those who act out of fear and insecurities, who just protect themselves. Who think they don't deserve love / had some bad experiences in life.

The 'naive me' thougth that if you give the latter type some decent but constant flow of love, they might relax and give up on their manipulative behavior.

I was wrong, they sh*t their pants and run away. 😀

Thank you all for your compassionate and informative responses.

It took me quite awhile to internalize this information enough to respond. I am still mulling, and just trying to stay aware and on top of my actions.

anonymoushermit said
Hi, Buendia.

One way of emotional manipulation is going 'hot', or 'cold'. It's not always malicious, but it may be a sign of insecurity of one's self.

Going 'hot' means you give your lover you're dating lots and lots of attention, and affection. Then sometimes a person will go cold. Going 'cold' means you suddenly drift back, detach, and become more emotionally distant from your boyfriend/girlfriend. 

This can give a person's lover insecurities, especially if their boyfriend/girlfriend has a lack of boundaries, or sense of self, themselves. Going hot and cold with a person can do that to them.

Usually, a person that does that (hot-and-cold) may also have problems getting close to people, because they're afraid of losing a person they love.

Sometimes going hot and cold can also be a way of being in control, or feeling power. It can be a power play.

There are other ways of being emotionally manipulative, but hot-and-cold is one way of emotionally manipulating someone.  

This rings true for my situation. I have so much Saturn and am completely fear-based.

Tam said
Having to tiptoe around someone or being the person that others have to tiptoe around.   

Also this. I go through phases. I had developed quite a thick skin and for years had been able to exist completely authentically while enjoying, relishing, the same in others. Saturn's transit through Sagittarius opposing my Mercury cracked me. I felt like my skin was ripped off. It had been such a long time since I had so much self-doubt. Along with Pluto square moon paranoia. I became intensely self-protective and oversensitive. I hate/d returning to the person people walk on eggshells around. Though 2017 is still rough, as Saturn opposes my Jupiter, I feel I am recovering and better equipped now than in 2016. I was completely thrown under.

Is it possible to grow and develop while in a relationship? How? I know the answer is yes, essentially, if that is what an individual chooses to commit to. I just want to find a way to live the answer to that question

Silent treatment, too. I hate that. I'm often on the receiving end of it (never know why). I don't play into it. Big baby.