I was born Jan 12 1973. I'm in the same boat. It appears to be the case for many born in early seventies. It probably has a lot to do with the malefic Saturn placement in nighttime half of the chart for that period. Also abrupt Uranus in public domains of the upper part of the chart. It does not help that we are Caps and do not necessarily have good luck. Whether you are married or single from that period, it has been an uphill battle, a struggle.
@suprise I don't see the feature anymore to "like" or thank a post, but just wanted to say thank you. Sometimes I think I crate my own uphill battles, being a cap but I appreciate the input. Would be nice to find some ease.
I think that Kim is right about Saturn being in your 1st house as an important factor in what you are experiencing. I would add to this, based on your own comments regarding your identity, your struggles to be yourself, feeling set back in this and also lacking willpower in this area - Saturn is in Aquarius which is the sign relating to the group, the networks we inhabit, other people, group mind and group ideologies. Aquarius opposes Leo, our solar unique heart based self.
Our development in life involves an intense conflict whereby our unique essential self has to find its place in the group (starting with parents, family, school, work places, society, culture, country, world...). Unfortunately we meet these spaces with varying degrees of acceptance. For the majority, throughout history, a sacrifice is made (it's felt on a deeper level as a self betrayal because we tend to take responsibility for it) in order to fit in and find acceptance, recognition, some way to give and receive love. Sadly we commonly and traumatically change ourselves and construct a personhood that meets some idea of what is acceptable. But down the road this can lead to big problems because it's not real. Then it's a question of finding again your true self which is based on feelings, heart, soul, not ideas or external acceptance/recognition.
Saturn in Aquarius is bringing this story and our inner conflict to the forefront and because this dilemma is so important in your chart - with the Ascendant, 1st h and descendant involved and your Sun (Leo) hidden in 12th it is likely bringing it all up intensively for further work (to set you free). Plus as Kim mentioned you have Venus being met by Saturn and Venus is the traditional 7th h ruler. This can be a lonely time, but also part of the process is detaching the core identity from the group, which can feel sad and lonely in the process. Its very hard dealing with Saturn about these issues because it relates to early wounding of the core self, often feeling like it's insurmountable. Not to mention that the collective mind becomes much more present within us and harder to separate from during this transit. It's an extremely challenging process.
This transit of Aquarius will end 7th March 2023, so only 4 months to go. In the meantime, you are on the right track in thinking about what ails you. Don't give up on rediscovering who you truly are. The lack of willpower is no doubt encouraged by Saturn in your 1st h (Aries h traditionally, and Mars is rx right now), which takes away drive. Plus your 12th Sun has its own struggle to express from the 12th.
Saying all this, what can you do each day in even small ways to support your self, and encourage your self. How can you love and recognise yourself, the you who exists beyond the group? It's a painful time to retread this old ground but it will end and it's asking you to dig deep into really locating and supporting your unique truth and loving yourself really hard in what might seem like a total vacuum. You might not feel a sense of progress until the transit ends but if you even just stay conscious of your truth a few times each day you will be getting stronger in the long run.
@sophiab Thank you so much for this. It's a really beautiful interpretation and explanation. And gives me some encouragement, which I definitely need right now. What struck me is that it's a lonely time, and made even lonelier, I think by not having myself. But I will take your invitation and do it a little more each day -
@capdb Glad some of it resonated. You are so right, loneliness is made worse if we're not there for ourselves, but as we're always encouraged to externalise everything it's a difficult shift. I think it's especially the case for women as from day one it's all about what we're reflecting in a mirror, outside appearance, etc. What brings peace is actually the experience of being embodied in yourself, if that makes sense. I find being in nature helps this process.
Looking at the chart you posted I notice you have experienced a Chiron return. I think it might be worth your while looking up information on this once in a lifetime transit. It may help you with understanding and healing.
Here's a big piece on Chiron Returns -- a bit woo-woo at times ("Just drop your baggage!" Sure.) -- but mostly enlightening. Very much a midlife crisis as I recall it. It took me much longer to sort out which dreams were still viable, how to part with others, live with regret, and appreciate autonomy and solitude.
https://jessicadavidson.co.uk/2019/05/13/the-chiron-return-and-the-meaning-of-being-you/
I don't know if I've come much further with this than when I wrote in November .... I think I have, but it's hard to stay. Still single (7 years now - seems significant, esp considering those were my "good years") but those were also my double pluto transit (direct to sun and moon) years -- and now I have a hearty dose of PTSD that I can't seem to recover from.
I did realize last night, though, that I may have inadvertently been waiting for external things to change, and they really haven't. The person who deeply hurt me and then abused me and my daughter is thriving more than ever in his new family. And maybe I was waiting for that to be "righted" to an extent - like the world doesn't work that way. Apparently it does though! So I have a pretty jaded, betrayed, shut down part of me that is going through the motions and that I'm trying to heal. Like I said, as of last night, I told that part of me -- nothing might change outside me, and it's my choice to try to reconnect with things that feel good to me. Despite life being insanely unfair and me having a chart that continues to put me through my paces, I guess.
I've only recently found some comfort in watching TV series (I haven't owned a TV all my life). Or going on hikes with my daughter. I have food, clothes, and a a bit of stability (although it might be more of an illusion) for which I'm grateful, and I'm trying to repair my relationship with God, which is not easy given my feelings of betrayal and bewilderment. But it's something.
I'm worried about Pluto in Aquarius. I'm still fragile from my last two simultaneous direct transits.
@capdb It’s interesting that you mention God because it does seem that often a spiritual search starts with a deep dissatisfaction or disappointment with life. Or conversely, having desires met and still feeling a unfulfilled. It’s probably God we are looking for all along. Is that what false idols means?
Absolutely -- for me in both the natural world and in romantic love. I never counted on not being betrayed or disappointed though. Such things seemed unavoidable given the harsh realities of nature, the capricious qualities of personalities, and mortality itself. Surely we are all seeking the immortal, even if subconsciously, from the moment we become aware of mortality.
BTW, what degree does pluto enter in Aquarius? Trying to prepare myself!
Pluto will enter Aquarius at 0 degrees and trine your natal Pluto in Libra on March 23rd. I remember Pluto trining itself as a good time for me. It was conjunct my natal Capricorn Mars/Venus trining its itself in Virgo. I hope it's good for you too.
@jana That's a first. I guess there is more I need to understand about pluto. When it was transiting my sun and moon, it was definitely not a good time. So it enters at zero and my ascendant is 9 degrees Aquarius. But I am not speaking the right language, just learning, so bear with me. Thank you!
Have you ever looked into human design? Whenever you post, I feel compelled to ask.