I have a Capricorn kid with an Aquarius moon and Aquarius rising, and she definitely marches to the beat of her own drum. It's clear that she doesn't want to be controlled, and I understand to an extent (Sagittarius sun, myself). It's becoming obvious that she goes out of her way to be different from her siblings, even if it's to her own detriment. For example, her older sister is very studious, so she does the opposite.
I'm totally okay with her being different and setting herself apart, but I think she's chosen the wrong hill to die on. Like, maybe she could choose a different area to excel in, rather than deciding that any kind of study is to be avoided. (To be clear, she doesn't have any learning disabilities, etc., She is academically gifted, actually.) But, how do I suggest this while making it seem like her own idea? I do tend to be straightforward, but to a kid who wants to rebel for rebellion's sake, I think I need to utilize my Mercury in Scorpio for some subtlety. All efforts at direct discourse have backfired.
Anyone with experience to share?
I'm a Capricorn Sun and Aquarius Moon individual as well.
Honestly, the best thing I think you should do is to support her in how she discovers her path. If she comes to you and asks for advice, do give it but don't be pushy. I doubt that will be appreciative at any given time. If she is showing interest in a subject, encourage it but do not come off as controlling. She's also likely struggling internally with the need to conform and but also resisting it at the same time. Try to help her merge those energies.
I also have Sun conjunct Uranus, Venus in Aquarius, and my North Node in Aquarius in addition to a Capricorn stellium. I kind of get where she's coming from.
@purplestargirl She has a stellium in Aquarius, too, and sun square Uranus. She's actually a great kid, I am just lost on how to guide her.
@purplestargirl I should also mention that she's homeschooled. So, I feel ultimately responsible for how this goes. If she were in a school, I could more easily just let it go, let the natural consequences happen and let her learn the hard way. However, I worry that if I allow her to slack off and not do her studies, she will ultimately place the blame on me for her failure. We don't follow a traditional school schedule or do grades, so at home she doesn't have the problem of failing a grade and seeing her peers move on while she stays behind. She's also just ten years old, so it's not like failure is inevitable at this point. If she were 16, I would be leaving the decision to her as she moves into adulthood, but since she's so young, I feel that she's not ready to make this kind of decision to drop out of school, etc. nor is that legal at this point.
Have you thought about her being educated differently, rather than home schooling? Maybe she would benefit from a different learning environment, not necessarily a school (but possibly) or other tutoring or small group learning. With the Moon in Aquarius its mum (moon) related isn't it, maybe she would like more space from mum, so you can be mum and someone else a teacher, if you see what I mean. Siblings compete or react to each other, often to get 'rewards' from parents (love, recognition, etc). If your mum is also your teacher it could intensify this and lead to rejection of the whole dynamic despite her gifts, that's why I'm thinking, perhaps enable her to have her own space with others for this area of her life (which Aquarian energy quite likes generally, other people, connections, interaction) and see if it shifts things.
@sophiab Yes, I have thought about this. I worry about singling her out and her potentially feeling like I have deserted her (she can be very sensitive - moon conjunct ascendant, plus Saturn transiting her 1st house). If I found the right fit for her, I would try it, but I have not found it. I thought she might be keen on trying a school or something else, but she is not. I may have to make a call at some point, but so long as she's not academically behind her same-age peers, I don't want to make a big deal out of it and potentially damage our relationship.
Currently I'm trying to spend more time with her to strengthen our relationship. I know sometimes she feels like she's lost in the shuffle of five kids, and rebelling may be just another way to get my attention.
When she was about 5-6 years old, she insisted that she hated to read (her older sister loved to read, so I think she was trying to set herself apart). I picked up some graphic novels at the library, and she has been hooked on reading ever since. She stays up late reading every night, and I can't really object too much, because she's reading! She has read nearly every piece of fiction in the house, and gets books from the library, etc. So, her vocabulary is great, she does fine on standardized tests, etc. But eventually, she will need to learn math, you know? She is on par currently, but her math whiz little brother is going to pass her up if she keeps this up. Maybe I need the equivalent of graphic novels for math. 😀
@kim definitely a conundrum and as you mention, transits are at play. I think @purplestargirl can offer best advice on how it is to be a Cap and balance that with Aqua. Those energies kind of pull in two directions! Does she have Pluto in Cap too? Perhaps consider what that is doing in her chart as well.
@sophiab @kim My advice is to let her do her own thing. She'll eventually be disclipined enough thanks to her Capricorn Sun to keep on top of things like academics.
Does she have any talent with computers or an interest in technology? Might be useful to find programs that teach that sort of thing for children.
@kim I only ask that because people who have a good amount of Uranus on their chart are supposed to excel in technology and science. They might also have a knack for astrology. I myself have a degree in computer networking and I have an interest in astrology. I'm currently studying health information technology/medical coding for more job training.
I'm also curious where her natal Uranus and Saturn lie on her chart, the houses they are in and if they make aspect to one another.
@purplestargirl She has Pluto conjunct Sun and Uranus in Aries, square them both. I'll go ahead and post the chart below.
I did not raise an Aquarian kid but my son's best friend growing up was Aquarius; he was at out house, every day for eight years...
I know this is a bit risky but I would suggest standing back... maybe allowing some consequences to accrue. Her Capricorn will not like failure / loss of status. Also, Aquarians tend to reinvent themselves, frequently. This would be an experiment,
Again, I know it's a bit risky but if you pressure her she may double down on her rebellion.
Also, what's the degree? If she is under a Uranus transit, it's more risky to try to control her than it is to let her try and fail.
This makes me think of my son, who have gotten a number of stupid haircuts over the years. I mean STUPID, like large, 4-6" inch spikes in a mohawk line.
I let him do these things... within a week, his Sun Saturn kicked in. Had I resisted, I think this would have taken longer to resolve.
I also think the underhanded approach is unlikely to work. The girl knows what she's doing. She's "fucking shit up".
I say that because one of my friend met and married an Aquarian woman - she was wearing a shirt that said, "Fuck Shit Up".
So really, she is just living and being herself... part of her "self" is Capricorn. She'll check herself and I don't think it will take that long.
@elsa I like this advice. That Cap will kick in.
I’d also like to add about her wanting to be different or contrary: she’s very young and her ways of doing this are very limited due to her age and general life experience. It is clunky and sometimes looks like you just want to say, Really 🤨? I think as her world expands she will find other ways to do this, more productive and worthwhile (to her).
I’m an Aqua sun with Uranus in the first. I also have a ton of earth. I cannot explain but Aquarius does have this drive to buck the system sometimes (even if it’s small). My father was a person who, while sometimes frustrated with me, did like to sit and have very conversations with me (as a kid and young teen). He was interested in what I had to say and he would ask me questions and we’d have some very good discussions. Aquarius loves that.
@elsa LOL at your son's hair. That is so funny. Her rebellion with her hair is frequently refusing to brush it...I don't know which is worse! "Hey kiddo... I'd love to take you out to do XYZ, but your hair looks like a rat's nest and you've been wearing the same pajamas for days..."
Here's her chart with transits, I really appreciate the input.
@kim Transiting Saturn and Uranus are still squared with each other. Saturn is currently in her 1st house and Uranus is in the 4th. 1st house represents her self - Physical characteristics and her temperment. The 4th house has to do with family and the home. I could be wrong and hopefully others will chime in, but I see tension regarding who she is as a person and what the family wants her to be.
Saturn does have a tendency to restrict and suffocate while Uranus wants to break free. I think once that square breaks up and Saturn moves into the 2nd house, everything should ease up.
@purplestargirl I can see how she might perceive it that way. We have house rules that you don't get to play computer games until certain things are done. She didn't do anything, so she didn't get to play. She told me she was bored. I tried to suggest that she clean her room, but I needed to emphasize that it was not because I wanted her to do it, but because she could make her room a more enjoyable place to be, and that she could then let me know what types of storage containers she needs, etc. She likes to plan and organize, so I thought this might be something she would enjoy that was for herself, and not a family obligation. She was skeptical that I was simply suggesting it for her, not for me. I need to be very clear, because she assumes nearly everything I suggest has an agenda behind it. Of course, she didn't do it, but there really wasn't much to suggest. She could read a book she's already read, or go outside (she never wants to), or she could do something we expect from her, which she also doesn't want to do, so... what could I say?
@kim She has fixed angles so I imagine your dealing with a bit of stubbornness and immovability there! I was thinking about her Cap Sun cj Pluto, quite a powerful placement in 11h house of social groups. I was wondering if she would like to be boss! Also, maybe she has made an assessment of the situation and is frustrated about how she is going to excel amongst the others? I hope some Caps will weigh in, but my thinking is Caps like to succeed and be the top of their chosen area. Her siblings seem pretty high flyers from your descriptions, maybe she's trying to find her spot where she can outpace everyone?! Some areas maybe already taken, so she's given up competing for that. She might be in the midst of finding her 'thing', which might fit with uranus shaking up her 4th house, quite a personal arena, and ruled by Taurus. Saturn transit in 1st also speaks to some definition of identity. Growth is uncomfortable isn't it, and you are witnessing and feeling it with her. Maybe trust the process!
@sophiab Yes, that could be the case. She gets down on herself when she has to work at something, and I try to explain that some people do have a natural talent for certain things, but talent only takes them so far. At some point, work must be done. Olympic athletes didn't just wake up one day and decide to try out for the Olympics. It takes a lot of failures, a lot of consistent practice, etc. to become one of the best.
She does well when she decides to do her studies, but she doesn't like that I make them redo math problems if they get them wrong the first time. She gets so frustrated that she would rather not do her work at all.
I see some familiar things here that I can relate to. We both have Mars in Virgo. I'm a Sagittarius and my chart ruler is Mercury, and she has Mercury in Sagittarius. She has Uranus square Sun, and I have it conjunct Mercury. She has Moon conjunct Ascendant (and looks like her mother 😊), and the Moon is rather prominent in my chart as well.
The difficult thing for me here is that education (Sagittarius) *was* my rebellion and ticket to freedom. I was raised by a couple of highschool dropouts, who didn't really understand my love of school. But I see that I am going to have to trust that her Capricorn will save the day.