A gal my class was telling me how her husband is jealous of her relationship with her son (who had a different father). It's seemingly unsolvable.
I've seen this before but not that often. Can anyone relate? Better yet, has anyone had a similar problem and solved it?
I have heard of this, but have not seen it up close. It would be interesting to hear from someone who has experienced it first hand.
I guess it would involve helping the man understand that her love for her son does not detract from her love for him. Also the man should feel special because she chose him. The love you have for your son and partner are incomparable. I don’t think there’s any need for competition between the two. I wonder whether he has a child of his own. If he does it might be easier for him to understand and vice versa.
Yes, I was that child. Was emotionally abused for it, my brother, too. Never solved it; it resolved on its own as we got older and decades passed. It was pretty miserable as the child so I feel for them.
Her husband chose to marry a woman with a child. So, he needs to figure it out. & quite frankly, grow up.
It also makes a difference in the specific dynamics... I lived with my mother. My father remarried.
So, didn't have to endure it full-time. So if the son lives with them that's got to be worse.
It definitely affected my relationship with my father. Getting in between the relationship is obviously the goal of the jealousy, but to do so between a parent & child is sick, hence figure your shit out and stop dragging kids through it.
If it's any consolation, it's all good NOW. They're still together. But certainly for children, it's better to avoid altogether.
@belladonna her son is dead now... and her husband can't console her, really, because of this history. It's terrible.
I'm sorry you went through this,
@elsa oh wait, woah. So he was jealous of their relationship while her son was alive, is that correct? and now her son is dead so they really can't repair?
@belladonna right.
And she can't really get healing from her husband, due to his intense jealousy when he was alive.
@elsa I mean, death exposes a lot. Been through it very intensely myself.
They both already know the truth of their dynamic. So they know whether they can survive it or are just hanging on to something dead.
@belladonna true. I think they will stay married but he can't help her with this. I'm sure he knows he failed her.
@elsa yeah that can break a marriage I'd think. I've seen things like losing the house/debt break a marriage, stayed together out of necessity & despise each other until the end. I wouldn't advise it from what I've seen.
That's what no-forgiveness looks like. That'll be the only thing to set them free and I hope they can get there.
it would be helpful/nice I'd imagine if he could deeply apologize for this, recognize it... might be very healing for his wife, and for him. But, she can also choose to forgive him without expecting this to ever happen.
@belladonna I agree with you about forgiveness on her end. I will talk to her about that, if the situation where I can, sets up.
@belladonna I think we need more stories like this to be told, so people realize how important it is to get over yourself.
I think this woman is a real star. The kind of woman a man wants to possess? He just couldn't get over the love she had for her son, which was epic. He just couldn't do it, but he should have found a way.
@elsa yeah, I find that kind of jealousy (toward a child) weird. But, maybe that's me projecting.
I wish her the best. Losing a child, you never get over.
@belladonna it is weird, but in this case, I can see how it happened, easily. The woman has a quality, that is no fault of her own. I am pretty sure, her husband just wanted her, completely. Not that it's an excuse.
@elsa yeah I just don't like when things are laid out plainly (the woman had the child first & should always come first anyway) and yet adults walk into situations that don't turn out well because of their own shit and the children pay the price.
Sounds man baby-ish (to me), but if she wants to hold on, that's her choice (always more to the story anyway) and she'll have to accept and forgive, even though he should step up more in that regard.
@belladonna in this regard, yes. He is childish. But it is one thing, in the whole of what he offers. Reality of life - you've got to take the good with the bad, or whatever. We all have failings.
@elsa yeah I project a lot in that realm because of my own divorced childhood experience, but death either brings you closer or further apart. I hope it can bridge the gap because obviously it's a time when it's most needed
I was lucky that in many ways the tragedy healed other broken relationships
Ohhh..this is more complex with her son now deceased. It’s such a shame that she can’t derive comfort/support from her husband. It’s like she would need to get it from another source such as a close friend/s. It would be a sad place to be in 😔.
@hades-moon yes, she went to a grief share group, now she's running it and... now she's talking to me... which is fine. I could use a friend, too.
sorry to hear, i've heard of it, too. I would definitely confront the guy head on first. and tell him that's my son and if he has a problem he can walk. I dont like it if the man doesn't accept and love my son who is a part of me. i know in this case she has a different personality and their dynamics can be very very different. But there would be an arugement and fight between us all the time if this issue keeps popping up.
I'm glad this lady is getting some help from a grief group and also talking to you 
the more i think of it, i just wouldnt be with that man no matter how much power and money and good sex he will offer. Yeah No. I have a strong 1st house and i think that plays a role with me. I can get it somewhere else, and feel happier with my son and he will be less stressed too. There's alot of stress out there in the world for our children. no need to add.
Still i'm finding compassion for this lady because like i said earlier, people have different energies and dynamics and situations.
Im sorry she lost her son. thats just so horrible.
When I married my second husband, my cousin said "the boys will be gone within a year." They were 17 and 23. We were super tight. I did not believe her. They still lived at home. Super close to me.
A year later my boys were gone. I could not believe it. I called her and asked "How did you know?"
She said "Testosterone". She is an animal behaviorist.