Someone in the forum referenced the post below. I made a comment about getting your power back, noting that I used the used the word, “resolved” not “recovered”. It’s an important distinction.
I was asked to elaborate: “I’m curious. What is “recovered” to you vs. “resolved”?”
It’s a good question and I have an easy-to-understand answer.
Let’s say you lose all your money. Someone steals it or you invest it poorly or whatever. You may not be able to recover your losses.
You may not be able to recover your losses in a divorce.
You may not be able to recover lost time.
You may not be able to recover from losing a child or whatever it is.
But you can resolve these things.
To have something resolved means that you’ve come to terms with it. You’ve suffered, you’ve grieved, you tried things, maybe many things and failed, but finally you have accepted your loss.
I don’t care if the loss is unacceptable. If you’re going to regain your power, you’re going to have to accept that which is unacceptable. If you can’t do this then I guess you just stand there holding the weight, or wearing a sign on your forehead, or just crying endlessly until you’ve lost your mind.
I don’t mean to be mean! But there are people out there who have lost all their children. There are people out there who lost their parents before they ever hit kindergarten. There are people who have lost fortunes, lost their health, their ability to walk – you name it. Does any of this sound acceptable?
None of it is acceptable, but people accept these things that happen and they have since the beginning of time.
When I (personally) say a thing is resolved, it means it’s decided. I’ve decided to accept the horrible loss and move on without the chunk of whatever it is, that I used to have and no longer do.
Then when someone says, “Elsa, what about this loss..?”
I say, “Yes, that happened.” And I don’t say much more. Because it’s resolved, see?
It’s like losing your leg. You’re not getting your leg back, but coming to terms with the fact is possible. You still won’t have a leg. You won’t recover. But you will live without your leg and you may live better without it then you ever did with it!
That’s another point. To think your life will be worse post the loss, than it was prior to the loss is big assumption, with high odds of being UNTRUE.
Great to read this, Pluto is transiting my eighth house at the moment (conjuncting my merc as we speak) it’s been hell, but what other way could transformation take place? What a turn around in my life. Losses, deaths, huge humiliations, serious illness, car crashes, abandonment and social isolation….and so on. Pluto helps us to see the truth if we want, through radical means. Just as you point out Elsa, we can accept this and thus work with it to move on and up or stay marinating in the gastric hell it causes. I couldn’t stay in the acidic residue this transit produces, I decided to transform. When I eventually understood what Pluto was demanding of me, I moved towards transformation…I’m still in the process of doing this. For me resistance is futile, 8th house stuff is serious, but it’s the pain-to-gain opportunity to accept what you cannot change and move ass with what you can. Thanks Elsa for these posts.
You’re welcome. 🙂
Yes to all this.
I also think it can be better and not worse after a loss. It might be human nature to find the silver lining- but, the alternative is pretty grim, so why not?
Yes this can be a big serious loss and feeling several of those right now, less said the better- or something less serious, like us not having a renovated bathroom for like, the 10 years we’ve been here. So finally decided after failing workmen, bad plumbing and waiting forever for the dream spa in a depressing, cold room with no proper floor, to just go ahead and decorate it up the way it is. Shine up the copper piping, go North African styling and call it ‘Rough Luxe’. Yes this is what, apparently, the latest interiors trend has been named. With Venus in Aquarius in 3rd, have been right on the money without realising – until I read about it in a copy of Elle Decoration in the dentist surgery waiting room. Resolved!
I can not say I agree. I think that you are projecting your positive attitude on to the general public. I think people put on a good “face” after horrible losses, go to work and attempt to live their life. I do not believe that they accept these losses. I do not believe they “resolve” these losses. I think they live in horrible pain. They may not talk about it, they may not cry into their cereal, but they live with pain. I have recovered physically, but not even close psychologically. I do not talk about it, with anyone. I do not cry about it. But I live in pain. It is not resolved.
I’m sorry. But it doesn’t mean it will always be this way.
I know this, because I vividly recall suffering over a loss for 15 years. I did not think I would ever get beyond it, but then I did.
Thank-you Elsa <3
I’m with Elsa on this. Your words are an accurate desciption of me, for example but I know that “this too shall pass”. I don’t know when.. 10 months, 10 years, more? But it will. Such is life.
Thanks, Elsa. I needed to read this. ☆♡☆
Me too. Timely, and very, very useful. Thank you.
Please correct me if I’m wrong, but this recovery/resolving also looks like a Chiron theme to me… Anyways, just a passing thought. Thank you for these posts.?
Accepting loss is the difference between a scar and a wound. A wound continues to hurt and cause you pain, a scar exists and reminds you of the loss but it no longer hurts.
Insecure people expect the world to change to make them happy. Secure people know they have the power to change themselves to accept circumstances.
The more fixed we are in our attitudes and beliefs, the harder loss is to handle.
We resolve our losses when we stop expecting the world to match up to our standard / expectation of how it should be i.e. we accept the world as it is.
Interesting thoughts, BlueMagoo. I do not believe that processing pain has anything to do with being a secure or insecure person. I do believe that resolving loss is all about having the courage to deal with pain. The courage to be vulnerable and accept how painful life is, and face it head on – as Elsa said in an earlier statement. Unfortunately (for me) I am not that courageous. I struggle accepting and processing very old pain that has collected over much of my life and festers much like the wound that you referred to. Does this make me less then? Are you claiming that I have unrealistic expectations? My expectation at this point in my life, is to hopefully be kind. To live honestly. To offer help wherever I can. To share myself as openly as I can. To die peacefully. I wish the same for others. Judge not my friend, lest ye be judged.
I tend to agree with sprngrdn — I think a lot of people are just plain traumatized and in denial and not working through their stuff! I’m somewhere on that spectrum. I have pluto transiting natal sun and moon and have *had* to deal or die. But I still go kicking and screaming sometimes and many losses I still have a hard time accepting, but def. trying.
Thank-you capdb!
I always think of the word “empowerment” when you send this message to us elsa. I think of a lot of things when I read this but that’s a theme that sticks out for me and speaks to me. Thats also why I hate when people pity me. I can turn shit into something. Maybe I can’t turn it into gold but it will be something that I can be proud of. And I do believe that that ability is within every human being. Sometimes we just have to be reminded.
I also think we live in a society that encourages us to identify with our pain and only our pain. It’s a great way to sell antidepressants.
Your last paragraph, last sentence … bang!
Thank you Elsa.
How do you know if something is resolved? I feel like I come to terms with things and then later find myself still upset. Was it resolved at all? Is it an ongoing process? If something is resolved will it still be a sore spot?
I have been subject to sudden and dramatic losses and traumatic events all of my life; the last one , possibly the most difficult one of all, was Pluto and Uranus activating a natal cardinal cross involving Cap sun,8th house uranus, mars, and south node in tight degrees. Sudden deaths of my dearest people, devastating and equally sudden losses (home, savings) in every sector along with a blood clot that nearly killed and hospitalized me for 3 months with a physical rehab period afterward literally had me starting my whole life from scratch after 60.
I was floored, but did what I always do…I have learned that loss makes room for transformation and evolution. Change had happened TO me, the next step was to examine my (then) present situation, assess its realities, and then, start moving toward a new life, this time, choosing each step carefully and then taking it, much the same as I physically regained my ability to walk after being laid up…kept taking more steps until they turned into distances, then into destinations…regaining increments of strength until I was finally moving fluidly without effort through place and time, in a normal way.
That analogy works for the rest of my life; creativity has always been my crucible for heartbreak; I try to always make something constructive or enduring out of the most traumatic events. Then they become separate from me, objects along my path, rather than horrible blockages on it. At best, those creations (art, writing, music, whatever) speak to others directly about pain and it is a universality to be shared…or it can be less literal for someone else, such as developing a new outlet, working on something or studying a desired field. Be open to the new, realizing that life does not have to remain empty, It is actually full of possibility.
I have gone on a bit here, but five years later, I feel blessed (not in a religious, but definitely a spiritual sense)my life is full and minus nonproductive dirctions that were discarded with those past pains …replaced with better choices and standards that are working very well for me. The main thing to remember is that change is a constant; trauma can stop you in your tracks and make you forget that possibility can and should drive you forward. Pain will fade as you experience those fresh pleasures if you allow them to happen.
So interesting! My now 30 year old daughter has a stellium in Sag in my eighth house ending with my sag saturn minutes from my ninth. We have always run into a lot of disappointment with relations, living spaces, education, you name it but we somehow managed to make the most of it and end up often times respectable and downright cool. Our homes in particular, her stellium is in the fourth. We can make something out of nothing like The Little Princess. Kind of a gift really. Interesting take on the eighth.
That’s also the eight regenerative. Thanks…:)
Great thread Elsa! As usual, you have a great way of getting to the heart of things. I don’t have any 8th house planets, but my 2nd house Scorpio planets sometimes act out through the 8th house. I so agree with you that the only way to come to terms with losses in life is to accept what can’t be changed. It isn’t easy to do and takes a long time, especially if it involves the loss of a loved one. Even with that, going through the grieving process and the passage of time leads to acceptance. It can take years but there does come a point where you let go of the pain and acceptance takes over. Acceptance brings peace.
“That’s another point. To think your life will be worse post the loss, than it was prior to the loss is big assumption, with high odds of being UNTRUE.”
Thank you for the above and the distinction between resolved and released. It helps.
Sure, you can recover your power on the surface. And you can appear to be doing well or relatively well. And STILL be in unmanageable pain and rage every. single. day. of. your. life. And although it may get better, “better” may mean you only want to burst into tears six times a day instead of seven. And you may spend your last day on Earth bitterly crying for what you needed most and never got. It may NOT get better. I know it never really has for me.
Some people are simply more psychologically/constitutionally resilient than others. They’re amazing, but it’s okay to not be one of those people too.
Thank you Elsa…
Also I’m reading Self-Compassion from Kristin Neff to feel the loss, care for myself and forgive myself when I am not there yet.
Great reminder, circle… I have meant to read that. Thanks you Elsa and circle…
And, again, nearly one year later this is just what I need to recognize how resolution is different from recovery, and resolution … for me, comes to offer a way through. Again (I’m a FIXED Spider Woman with so many places I hide pain like those bees that get caught in the web. Bam! I wrap ’em up. And forget I’ve done that. Don’t eat the bee, I’ve got to remember that.)
Slow learner, but, eventually I get it. North Node in Taurus 5th House.
So true: “If you’re going to regain your power, you’re going to have to accept that which is unacceptable”
I reminds me of the argument that something shouldn’t have happened to me. If it’s in my experience, it’s happened and I have to “accept” that it’s happened to begin to end my suffering of it. I don’t necessarily get released of the pain involved, but the continuing mulling and brooding of the fact that it shouldn’t have happened (for whatever reason) is a kind of suffering that I can dispatch and move on.
We are conditioned to think we can get through life unscathed and it’s just not true.
I should add that I find pain and suffering two different things. Pain is a physiological and/or emotional reaction while suffering involves the mental story around it.
(((jana))) <3
Sort of like the saying, “pain is unavoidable; suffering is optional.”
Suffering in other words is the pain laced with emotion.
The cusp of my 8th is in Pisces and contains the South Node in Aries. In my intimate relationships I have always been betrayed and abandoned, which has led me to very serious crises. Neptune is about to enter, then Saturn arrives, and whatever it is, at 45 years old I feel that my life no longer has any meaning. I’m too lonely.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you can bounce off the bottom. Good luck!
Thanks elsa 🙂
(((@astrogekko)))
Feeling this <3
AstroGekko, I was reading a post by astrologer, Virginia Bell, (you can google and read her wonderful 3 page description of big life transits everyone goes through) and I think you might find a lot that is consoling.
One great surprise for me was reading the studies have shown that happiness seems to peak around age 64. Who knew? You have lots to look forward to. Hang in.
To have something resolved means that you’ve come to terms with it. You’ve suffered, you’ve grieved, you tried things, maybe many things and failed, but finally you have accepted your loss.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
2 1/2 years. The whole process has taken 2 1/2 years. I would try to resolve one thing, and another would hit. The final blow in October 2022. It’s resolved. I noticed a couple of hours ago that I am no longer in daily pain. Tiny pangs will come back now and again, but the grieving so hard I cannot hold my head up is resolved. You can literally be pulled apart and scattered to the wind and find a way for things to resolve. Or, you are right, you can go completely out of your mind. I chose resolved even though I never thought I would get here. I choose resolved knowing that I will never get any of it back and I will always have a vacancy where those things were. The good news is it doesn’t hurt every day anymore. I think this is huge. Accepting the unacceptable.
This is a beautiful thread and one I will bookmark and pull from. The comments are gorgeous.
i kinda’ needed to hear this right now. if only for grappling with all the lost time.