Am I Too Controlling With My Daughter?

C wrote me a simple note. “I worry so much that I am too controlling with my daughter”.

Well, C, bless your Virgo heart. My Virgo stellium completely sympathizes, so let’s start there. If a Virgo is breathing, she is worrying… about something. We strive and strive to reconcile the opposites, in this case, Pisces, where there is an ocean of understanding of “what will be, will be”. But this is your daughter we’re talking about! So keeping that Pisces phrase in the back of our minds, let’s look at the synastry. You can click on the link below and see the synastry charts, one with your daughter’s chart overlayed on yours, so you can see where her planets fall in your chart, and then another with your planets overlayed on your daughter’s chart.

Yes, your 2 degree Virgo Pluto is on her 27 degree Leo Moon. But it’s not the tightest aspect to her Moon! You have a gorgeous Mercury/Venus conjunction that is very tightly conjunct her Moon. This is a lovely, lovely aspect, and one I suggest you breathe-in every time you start to worry. Focus on what Mercury/Venus on Moon means. You FEEL HER.

Now, with Pluto there, you feel her deeply. Trouble is, that can be too much of a good thing. That Leo Moon of her wants to shine her own light, in her own way. Now let’s talk about her Sadge stellium. 5 planets…..count ’em… 5 planets in Sadge, with 2 of them at the most potent 0 degree- her Mercury and Venus. Plus, a Sun/Uranus conjunction in Sadge. This is a girl who MUST be allowed to express her unique creativity, she MUST be allowed to fly free.

She will strongly resist your words. This in turn wounds your Virgo sensibilities. (Her Chiron/Sun opposition squares your Virgo Sun). But you are the adult, you have to suck it up. If you want to maintain a relationship with your daughter, you are going to have to find a way to zip it, even if your mind is screaming at you that the information you are trying to impart is DIRE. She feels your words like a fire feels dirt. You are putting out her fire. This is how she sees it, not at all how you mean it. You, of course, are just trying to give her the benefit of your life experience.

Your Saturn sits on her Uranus/Sun conjunction. Do you see? It’s another clip on her wings; your fears will fall on deaf ears with that Sadge stellium. I know this wounds you, and brings out your own Sun/Saturn square and all the self-doubt it implies. But this is an excellent time to address those self-doubt questions because you are undergoing your second Saturn return, and evidently, your daughter is helping you get in touch with Sun/Saturn issues, which is no surprise, given that you have Sun in the 5th.

I myself was born in Sept. 1958. I am undergoing the 2nd Saturn return as well. The issues which are before us RIGHT NOW are the issues we need to look at INTERNALLY, not externally. This has everything to do with you, and not your daughter, right now. Saturn in Sadge square Sun in the 5th is not exactly a big risk taker, and with your Moon in Leo, you might have put off some of your own Leo-ness out of an abundance of caution, and then you go and have a daughter who is like a Leo on steroids! Ah, the Gods laugh……

A couple more issues I’ll mention which could be food for thought: Your daughter’s Mars in Libra falls on your North Node. However she is acting, there is something in there that is part of your dharma, something for your to learn. Maybe it’s her incredible self-confidence; her ability to always, always, always see the bright side of things, to dream the big dreams. Granted, she doesn’t have a lick of earth in her chart, which is probably why you’re her mother… to bring her down to earth when she needs it, but ONLY when she says she needs it, not when you THINK she needs it. She’s too old now, you’ve raised her up the best you can, and she needs the chance, and your faith, that she can fly on her own. Another issue is your Mars in Taurus at 25 degrees. Taurus from 25-29 degrees is difficult… stubborn beyond belief and quite prone to wanting to act one way and then at the last minute acting in a completely self-destructive way. Mars is in your first house, making it doubly hard for you to change the way you act, but I think you are seeing that your actions are not getting you what you want. So this adds to the theme of your Saturn return.

One last issue: She has a wide, albeit out of sign Saturn square to her personal Leo planets, where your Moon sits. She feels any self-doubt as coming from you. As she gets older, she’ll appreciate the wisdom your life experience brings, but if you don’t want to be seen as the wet blanket, you have to stop “controlling her” (your words, not mine!) The best thing that could happen to her is to have a failure that you haven’t predicted.

As far as you go, aside from the Saturn return, Jupiter’s transit is giving you a real boost in the ability to express yourself differently right now. I realize it is not easy, having Sun in Virgo and Moon in Gemini– the Sun having the ability to worry so and the Moon needing to express the emotions that are being brought up. But transit-wise, it couldn’t be a more perfect time for you to see your daughter’s beautiful spark, and encourage her to “make the big mistakes” that everyone needs to make in order to transition fully into adulthood. Appeal to her Sadge-ness, tell her you trust her and will always be there for her, no matter what…. and make no predictions about the “what”. Tell her to FLY.

Worried mama, I so hope this helps.

Click to see synastry charts – here and here.


8 thoughts on “Am I Too Controlling With My Daughter?”

  1. Very good, interesting post. As a Virgo w Virgo stellium and strong presence in Sadge, I found it interesting too with applications for my relationships with two Virgo/Sadge nieces. Thank you for writing about this.

  2. Thank you so much Diane. This is very helpful confirmation what intuitively I sensed about us. My birth time is 8:32pm with an Aries rising and sixth sun with pluto on fifth/ sixth cusp. This may not matter much as the message is poignant.

    1. Actually I have contemplated this a bit. The aries rising,to me emphasizes the stubbornness and the pluto on sixth/seventh the worry. She has a degenerative sensory condition which makes the worry/control highlighted. Life is hard!
      Thank you,again…:)

    2. Ann, I am not above making mistakes in charts, but I did go back to your original email to “dear diane” and it states you have a 9:32 p.m. birth time. While this doesn’t affect the synastry as far as planet-to-planet, or where your planets fall in your daughter’s chart, it does affect where your daughter’s planets fall in your chart. It also changes, as you say, your Sun to a 6th house Sun, emphasizing the “worrying” part of your Saturn return. Watch your health during this time, and the mind-body connection!

      1. Thank you. I too am not above “error” although because of the Taurus Mars there in the first I often feel more Taurus than Aries. Thank for all of the responses! Particularly the “she will do what she wants”, a mother can only do so much before I become controlling with just plain too many thoughts. The fact it was my typo highlights this the problem is mine and only mine so relate to that. If it makes me feel sick worrying, don’t. I think that’s the watch your health. All of her sag planets fall in my eighth house. I could kill myself worrying! This us all really good counsel to clear my confusion. So sorry for my delay in response. I call that impolite internet etiquette. One day there will be a book on Internet bloopers! I applied and thank you.

  3. Terrific analysis, Diane! Very understandably written! I, too, was born in September (25) 1958 and I’m also undergoing my Second Saturn Return. Tr Saturn is in my 11H so I’ve “cleaned house” and terminated some stagnant friendships and group involvements. My daughter’s First Saturn Return begins next months (with three Saturn retrogrades this year – yikes!). Her natal Mercury is conjunct my 8H North Node. Her Aries ASC/6H Libra Sun/3H Gemini Moon has inspired me to travel more and to join groups. Post Saturn Return is rife with new adventures on the horizon!

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